That's when they took him from me. A Harry Styles Fan Fiction.

Fourteen - Maybe I'm Not Ready To Let Go Just Yet.

I was going to visit Harry today. For the first time in 2 weeks that he’d been buried in the ground, six feet under. The first time in 2 weeks that I’d actually started to get comfortable with the fact that he’s actually gone. Who was I kidding, I’m still broken.

I’m really not coping well at all. I plaster a smile on my face everyday, only for the sake of the other boys. So they’d think it’s okay to leave me home alone so that I’d be fine, but really all I do is cry. I don’t want to cry anymore. I wish nothing more than to stop crying. I’d cried myself to sleep every day since he left. I don’t want to cry anymore. Not a day had gone by that I hadn’t cried at the fact that Harry was gone.

Knowing that just over a month ago it was the last time my skin would touch his. The last time I would ever run my hand through his curls. The last time I wold hear his voice call out to say my name. The last time I would look into his beautiful emerald green eyes, the way they would sparkle. The last time I’d hear him say that you love me. If I had those days back I would’ve told you how unconditionally and irrevocably I am in love with you, Harry.

Words are harmless you know? They’re about the most innocent thing in the world, that is until you pair them up wrong. Then they start to hurt. Then, they fucking suck. Why did your life have to be taken away so quickly and so suddenly? I didn’t even have the chance to say goodbye. 

I just got out of the shower. Hair dripping wet, water droplets still streaking down my now freezing body. I stroked the towel down my small body, wiping away all the water. I looked in front of my full length mirror. Scanning over every imperfection. The birthmark just below my hip. The little mole on my forearm. My blotchy skin. My big hips. My big bum. My thick thighs. I hated it. I hated myself. Usually by now Harry would be the one telling me tat I’m beautiful and that I’m perfect just the way I am, but I guess I don’t have him around to tell me that anymore. 

I wrapped the towel around my goose bumped skin and walked down the small hallways down to my room. That single hallway held so many memories. The small pictures hanging from the sky blue painted walls. The ones of me and Harry. Some posed ones, and some that we weren’t even ready for. Snapshots. Tears rimmed my lashes as I smiled to myself reminiscing on the old days. 

The tears spilled and I realised I wouldn’t have that anymore. I ran to my room now, trying to escape all those memories that had been flashing in my mind since the day that he’d left. I opened the white door to my room, twisting the gold knob and pushing it open. I collapsed onto my bed, my long brown curly locks draping over my face. I rolled over to look at the roof. 

Remembering the time when myself and Harry had painted my room. Before my now white walls, my room was a baby pink. Harry had left a little spot of pink on my roof, so that I could always remember the colour I had before. Only now I’d realised that spot was heart shaped. My eyes welled up with tears again. Stay strong Tayla. I was going to try and not cry today. I made a promise to myself, I usually don’t break them. I quickly wiped the tear out of my eye and stood up shaking my head. 

I walked over to my baby blue wardrobe. Pulling the handle and opening it to the fresh array of dresses I owned. I picked out a black dress. It was fitted up the top and then flared out at around the hips. On the back it had a heart shape cut out of it. Harry always loved this dress. I slipped it over my tiny body, zipping myself up from the side. I slipped into a pair of simple black heels. Loosely drying my curls and putting my hair all over to one side. I walked back down the hallway to the bathroom. Ran, actually. 

I applied a thin amount of foundation, putting on come concealer to the growing pimple on the side of my chin. Brushing on some mascara to my lashes and applying a peach coloured lip gloss to my plump lips. I walked down my spiraling staircase, hearing the ‘click clacks’ of my heels on the wooden stairs. I grabbed my bag, throwing my mascara and lip balm in there, for later. I opened the door, then closed it behind me putting the key in the door and turning it twice, hearing the clicks it made as it locked. 

I pulled my car into the deserted parking lot of the grave yard. My hands trembling and my body shaking as I stepped out of my car and walked down the long pathways. It was like a maze. It took me about half an hour just to find Harry. I walked over to his grave cautiously. Feeling the tears well up in my eyes even more with every step I took closer to him. I stopped, lifting my head to look at the sky, trying to force the tears back into my eyes.

“You promised, Tayla.” I muttered to myself. 

I put my head back down, walking slowly over to the resting place of my dead best friend. 

“Hi Harry.” I said, tears welling up in my eyes again. I pulled my thumb up to my eye lids again, wiping them away.

I was answered back with silence.

Why was this so hard?

I collapsed into a heated mess onto the floor. Still trying to hold back the tears as they stung my eyes.I took a deep breathe in before looking back at the grave stone.

“In loving memory of,

Harry Edward Styles.

Who will be dearly missed by all those around him.

A talented singer, brother, son.

February 1st 1994 - November 14th 2012.

Forever in our hearts.”

The tears welled up In my eyes now as I traced my fingers along the big letters of his name.

“We all miss you down here Haz.” I said as a single tear streamed down my cheeks, falling off at the tip of my chin.

Fucking hell Tayla, you said you wouldn’t cry.

I sat there in silence for a few minutes, more like a few hours. Just looking at the beautiful stone in front of me. The perfectly engraved large block letters that drifted flawlessly along the cool marble stone block.

It was so peaceful in that graveyard, sometimes I’d wished that I could be with him too. Buried six feet under. No worries in the world.

“I hope you’re okay Harry. I miss you so much. My body aches. All I want is just one more day with you. I love you Harry, I love you so much.”

“I promised myself to not cry today.” I giggled to myself. “Gosh was I wrong, I can’t go one day without crying Harry. My eyes are sore. I’m sorry.”

“I’m so sorry Harry. I’m so fucking sorry. I should’ve been there. I should’ve helped you. I should have saved you. I’m so sorry.” A heartbreaking cry left my mouth as the words flowed out endlessly.

“Harry. I have to go now, I’m sorry. I love you.”

I stood up abruptly, adjusting my dress and ran to my car. I opened the door and started it. I couldn’t see anything, tears blurring my vision. I stopped and held my head in my hands. I bashed both hands onto the steering wheel.

“Why! Why you Harry, why you.” My voice faltering off at the end.

I sat there for God knows how long, crying my eyes out in the front seat of my car in the graveyard that my best friend was laying in now, for eternity.

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Thank you so much for reading this.

This chapter was pretty hard to write, i was getting a bit teary by the end.

I really hope you like it and can you pretty please comment vote, whatever.

I really like getting feedback and your sweet comments actually make my day, not even joking.

You guys are all so lovely.

Thank you again.

Big love, Tayla. X