That's when they took him from me. A Harry Styles Fan Fiction.

Fifteen - These White Pills

********BEFORE YOU START READING.********

If you are having suicidal thoughts, this may not be a good chapter for you to read. 

Please, i want you guys to feel comfortable with me.

If you're ever having any problems and you don't think you can tell anyone, you're always welcome to tell me. 

I will always sit and listen and i've been told that i give pretty good advice.

I know that when you're at that point and you've had enough, that taking your life is the easiest way out. 

Please, it's not.

If you come talk to me i will try to help you as best as you can.

So please, if you are ever having those kinds of thoughts, my inbox is always open!

xx

Now you can stat reading.

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Something changed me that day, back in the graveyard. I walked down to my local pharmacy. Picking up the first packet of sleeping pills that I saw. I wasn’t really even sure if they were sleeping pills. I really didn’t care though. I walked up to the counter, paying for them, then leaving the store.

I opened the front door of my house, throwing my jacket and bag onto the couch and then running up to my room. I grabbed a piece of paper and my favourite sparkly blue pen. I started jotting down some notes. Moving into the bathroom.

Dear the boys, Liam, Niall, Zayn and Louis.

Okay at first this was going to be a very short note. This is obviously not how it panned out. I should really get straight to the point but there is so much I want to tell you boys, so many things left unsaid. I guess this is me final chance to tell you boys everything. I realise that by the time you find this note and start reading it you’ll probably have already found me. By now you’ll be crying. But don’t worry, it’s for the best.

I just wanted to say that I’m sorry.

For everything really.

I don’t want to leave you boys, I’m not ready to leave you but I’m torn between you boys and Harry. You know that Harry has always been my best friend and behind the facade that I’ve been hiding these past few weeks. Telling you that ‘I’m fine’ and that ‘I’ve moved on’ no. All of that is a lie. I cannot move on from Harry. Nothing’s fine I’m torn, I’m all out of faith. I guess I got a bit too caught up in that song, but it’s the honest truth. 

I know you don’t just wake up one morning and say hey ‘I want to kill myself today.’ There’s so many things you boys don’t know so I’ve decided to pretty much lay out my whole life on this stupid piece of paper in front of me.

I’ve been having suicidal thoughts for god knows how long. Harry has always bee the one to help me through it, he was the one to always pull me together, telling me to be strong. I guess now that he’s not here anymore I don’t have that, I relied on him for that soul reason - keeping me alive. Now that he’s not here I feel that I’m alone. No one cares, no one understands. Only Harry truly understood. I’m sorry that I hadn’t told you boys, and maybe you could’ve helped me through this again, but maybe I don’t want your help. I’ve been fighting this battle for so long and the enemy has one. It’s not your fault though. God, don’t you ever blame yourself boys. You boys were part of the reason I stayed here so long.