"Nag staredown ako kanina kay jema" looking at ate kat I let out the guiltiness I feel up until now, na kahit tapos na ang laban, kahit na we won the game I'm still bothered with my attitude kanina. It wasn't supposed to be like that naman talaga. I really dont know what happened, the intensity of the game overflowed my emotions.
"Stop cursing, there are recorders" ate maddie said as she continue tying her shoelaces, and keeping the smile plastered at her face steady, for at least to look compose and calm in front of the cameras, while the inner me, on the other hand, panicked when I realized what I've just burst out. yea, abs cbn would surely make an issue about it. Ugh ate maddie's right I should control my emotions. Hay eto nanaman emotions.
•••
"Ughh dahell" I groan as I try to let go of the thought.
"May kaaway ka bang di ko nakikita deanns?" Ate Bea suddenly asked me, saving me from drowning on my own thoughts
Inistop ko yung song na nagplaplay sa phone ko. Wala din naman kasing silbi. Hindi pa rin kasi matigil isip ko.
"Ate bei, ugh shit. kasi naman e, naiinis ako di ko alam bakit." I paused, I feel like I want to do something pero di ko alam pano ko gagawin. "I cant stop thinking about my attitude kanina, I think I passed the line of being a player ugh." pang amin ko kay Ate Bea. Alam kong sobra na ang pag ooverthink ko sa nangyari, di ko kasi maalis sa isip ko e. Im not usually that rude naman kasi. That was totally not me.
"You passed the line of being a player o being a humble player? aba, kanina pa yan ah? Hahaha Maddie even lectured you na about choosing the right words esp when there are cameras." dagdag pa niya sa mga iniisip ko. Siya kasi katabi ko ngayon sa coaster, we're on our way back to ateneo. Lahat bagsak na, lupaypay at pagod dahil sa 5 sets na binigay ng adamson samin.
"Ate youre not helping naman e." inis kong sabi sakanya. Imbis kasi na tulungan niya ako dinagdagan pa niya isipin ko.
"Uh oh kid." natatawang sabi niya "Just let it go deanns. Its all part of the game din naman kasi, well that's how it usually goes, nature na ng isang athlete ang maging competitive kaya dont worry na Wongski. You didnt passed any line of being a player, because as I have said its a part of a game" biglang pagseseryoso ni ate bea. She smiled at me. I tried to smile back to my senior, all due to respect na din.
I was trying to consider her opinion, when she dropped a topic that made me go drown deeper.
"Tsaka baka naman bothered ka kasi you know, the one you stared down is the one and only Jema Galanza the Queen Falcon. Are you afraid huh? Lady eagle?"
•••
"Shit naman!" sabi ko sabay bangon sa higaan ko. Andito na kami sa dorm and its already 1 o'clock in the morning yet my eyes are still wide open. My training pa naman bukas.
Tiningnan ko si Bettina sa kanan ko tas tiningnan ko din si Ria na nasa kaliwa ko naman, both snoring and nasa dream land na, while Im here stuck with my thoughts again.
"Mag sosorry ba ako o hindi?" bulong ko sa sarili ko. Hindi naman talaga ako takot dahil Queen Falcon si Jema at baka ispike niya na lang ako bigla sa face kapag nag cross paths kami. Tsaka alam ko namang gumanti din sya ng staredown sa akin kanina sa game. I really dont know what the fuck is wrong with me, para akong mababaliw kakaisip.
"Tae bahala na" binuksan ko yung phone ko at nagpunta sa twitter, at Pinindot ko yung direct message conversation kay Jema
'Hey, sorry about kanina'
Shit tama ba to? Binura ko ulit ang message to compose a better one. I'll write na lang what comes in my mind.
Hi Jema, I just want to apologize lang sana dahil sa nangyari kani---
"Shit" bulong ko, at biglang tinago ang phone ko. May nag bukas kasi ng pintuan.
"Deanna, you know the rule. There should be no phones na once the lights are off, and you should be sleeping already, may training pa bukas tsk." may pang babawal na tono ni ate mads sakin. Ugh, pangalawa ko na to sakanya, quota na ako dito kay ate mads.
"Sorry ate" sabi ko na lang and scratch the back my head. Hay ilang sermon ba yung matatangap ko ngayon? Sobrang malas ko ata ngayon
"Give me your phone" sabi niya tsaka kinuha sakin phone ko "You'll get this tomorrow sa training" she said, tumango na lang ako, kasalanan ko din kasi e.
No choice na ako kaya pinilit ko na lang talaga matulog. Baka di meant na mag sorry ako, siguro I'll leave everything on its places na lang besides tama si ate bea it's all part of the game kaya I should stop thinking about it na.
•••
"Here" Ate maddie hands me my phone dito sa bleachers. Nakaupo lang kasi ako dito sa BEG. Nagsisimula pa lang magsidatingan yung mga teammates ko. Sumunod lang ako kay Dani, kaya pangalawa ako sa maaga ngayon. Pero sa totoo lang kulang na kulang ang tulog ko, lutang as fuck ako ngayon
"Thanks ate mads, sorry po ulit and di na po mauulit" sabi ko kay ate mads na nagsisimula na magtali ng buhok.
"It's okay tsaka wag na dapat talaga maulit" she said and smiled at me.
Nagsimula na ang training namin. At kahit nag seset ako para sa lahat sobrang lutang pa din ng pakiramdam ko. Sumasakit na din ang ulo ko.
"Okay, water break!" sigaw ni Coach Tai lahat naman nagsipag buntong hininga at nagsipag Thank You Lord.
Kinuha ko ang phone ko pagkatapos ko uminom ng gatorade
"Ohh no kid, wag ka muna mag facebook baka masira lalo ang mood mo" biglang sulpot ni Ate Bea sa gilid ko, may hawak din itong gatorade
"Bakit ate? Anong meron?" takang tanong ko.
"Basta mamaya na yaaaannn" pangungulit pa ni Ate Bea sakin, inagaw pa niya phone ko sakin. Syempre aking phone to kaya nakipag agawan ako.
"Hoy Beatriz tama na yan!" sigaw ni Ate jho samin nasa kabilang side kasi siya ng BEG
"Ate jho said stop na Ate bei! Lagot ka na kay commander mo! Let go of my phone naa!"
"Buset kang bata ka. She's not my commander or anything! May Nico na yan. Hmp oh! Sayo na" irap pa niya sakin
"Bitter" I said and made a face to her tsaka ako tumakbo sa ibang side ng beg
I unlocked my phone and turned on my data
At dahil na curious nga ako sa sinabi ni ate bei, binuksan ko ang facebook.
'Nag stare down ako kanina kay Jema' - Deanna Wong
Bumungad sa akin ang isang article from abs cbn sports and action page.
"Shit!!! Sabi ko na e!" napalakas ang boses kong sabi
"Told you wongski! Just let it go and stop overthinking!" sigaw ni ate bea from a far.
Really abs cbn sports? Bat kailangan pang gumawa ng issue? Tae di ko tuloy alam ano na gagawin ko! What the hell.
