Her Secrets (On Hold)

Chapter Sixteen

My finger hovered over Clarke's contact, but I couldn't make myself press the phone. I couldn't call her and apologize like I knew I should.

I tossed the phone to the bed, looking over the small apartment. I had set up his room and the living room, the smaller second room littered with boxes of toys for Homer.

My son. My son that I had no idea existed. Who didn't want to be around me.

I shook my head. That wasn't true. Homer seemed to love me, it's just that he didn't know me. I really don't know Homer, either. All I knew was that I loved him with my whole heart, no matter how long I had even known him.

****
The next morning, I still hadn't called Clarke. There was still a big piece of me that wasn't ready to apologize, no matter how guilty I felt about it. I was wrong to yell, but she packed up and left town three years ago and kept my own son a secret from me and my entire family.

The fact that Octavia and my mother so easily forgave Clarke was infuriating. I knew I would forgive her, that I would never stop loving her, but my family should have been on my side, dammit!

I turned on the television, getting lost in thought as I listened to the documentary on cable.

*****
Clarke:

Raven and Homer were coloring at the kitchen table. It made my chest hurt, to see them that way. I had deprived him of aunts, uncles, and even a grandmother along with a father.

Bellamy. My mind was a huge storm when I thought of him. He had every right to be mad, and for the rest of our lives he had the right to hold this all against me, but I didn't think it would ever stop hurting.

I suppose I deserve it, though. I couldn't imagine the hell he was going through. He came home from the army, found out he had a son, and then he didn't just slide right in and easily have his son in his arms. I couldn't imagine waking up everyday and being away from Homer.

I didn't even want to think of it.

Instead of thinking on the negative, I called into work to take the next day off, booted up the computer, and started making Homer's birthday invitations.

***
"Okay, how do you feel about these Homer?" I asked him, showing him the printed invitation.

It was going to be a Ninja Turtle party, and he was excited.

"Yes!" He cheered, looking at the invitation. "Mommy, can everybody come?"

"That's the plan," I chuckled. "Mommy will print all of these out and we'll mail them or uh, have them given to everyone. I'm sure everyone will be there."

"Those are really cute," Raven spoke up. "I can take everyone's invite with me when I go. Kyle's going to pick me up."

Smiling gratefully, I nodded. "Thank you, Rave. I'm taking tomorrow off to get his arm looked at and I'll buy all of the decorations."

**
After an hour, I spotted Bellamy's truck in an apartment parking lot. Pulling up right behind him, I got out quickly and tucked the invitation under his windshield wiper. I was sure he would get it in the morning and hopefully, he would call her.