Love Yourself First | BTS FF

4 - wink

            

"You want me to do what now?!" my brother exclaims after I ask him if he could be my trainer for losing weight. "Joe! Seriously, were we not in the same class today?? Did you seriously not see how everyone fat-shamed me without any care for my feelings?? If I want to survive at this school and all the poison it brings I need to change myself for the better."

My brother sighs, loosening his tie and dropping his school bag on the floor. There was a moment of silence before he spoke. "How come you never told me it was this bad?" He says quietly, with tears in his eyes.

I lean back a bit, surprised he's showing his rare brotherly caring side. "It...wasn't this bad in my old school. People just left rude anonymous notes and I wasn't picked for sports teams and stuff, you know?" I reply, looking down so he doesn't see my eyes getting watery. "But it's different now. People at this school are...so confident in themselves, and they don't seem to care for anyone else but themselves. I may be biased, but so far I see them like that. If they keep going like they are now, I don't know how I'm going to be able to survive even one semester with them."

I look up and say: "I'm just, so...tired...of feeling miserable about my appearance. I'm tired of hating my reflection. I'm tired of being afraid to wear anything that might expose my body. I want to make myself better, so will you please help me?"

Another moment of silence passes as we stay in this frame, me looking up at Joe, practically begging him. And Joe looking down at his feet, seemingly in deep thought.

Suddenly he lifts his head and takes in a deep breath, making me jump back a bit, startled at his quick unannounced movement. "Of course I'll help you sis. I never said I wouldn't, I was just surprised." We both smile, thinking of a better future.

"But you have to know that this isn't gonna be a quick makeover or something, like you see in the movies when the nerdy girl transforms into a hottie just like that." He snaps his fingers. I internally sigh a bit when he says that. Of course I always knew losing weight is hard, but in the back of my mind I always wished it was easy.

"Once you hit your goal of course we can go out and buy clothes or whatever girl stuff you want, but right now it's about nutrition and exercising. I hope you know that the most important thing about losing weight is continuation. Whatever diet or weight loss strategy you use, your ideal body won't come in a week or even a month, it takes time to reach your goal and it's going to be tough." Joe warns.

"I know. After I went to the bathroom to...cry today" Joe's eyes widen when I said 'cry'. "...I already searched up articles giving advice for weight loss and how to really succeed. So don't worry, the constant fat-shaming at school is more than enough motivation for me."

And a motivation I didn't tell my bro is...Kim Taehyung. I want to become a kind of girl I would love to be, but also one he would want...<readers, something like this can be good motivation in the short run, but always put yourself and your needs first>

For the rest of the day, my brother caught me up on what I missed in class after I decided to go home because of the bullying. We also worked out the specifics of my diet and my work outs. We went over what my weight is now (78 kg) and what my goal weight is (58 kg). Joe also said becoming slim and healthier isn't just about what number is on the scale, but also about body fat percentage.

With my height as 170cm, we calculated my BMI (Body Mass Index) which came out 27.0, being in the overweight category. We also got my body fat percentage, coming out as 30%.

It was kind of hard looking at all the numbers, but Joe told me to not label myself with them, and to only use them to show progress.

Joe said we can start tomorrow, but I really just want to slim down as soon as possible so we started today.

"Ok, so this is what I did to get my arms looking so bulky. You might not want your arms to be as extreme as mine but this will definitely help increase your metabolism and stuff. Just try a simple push-up." Joe says, preparing me for my first ever arm work out.

After I go into the push-up position I attempt to lower myself down as far as I can, and then I push myself up.

"Phew! I did it! Did you see that bro did you see?" I say happily, turning my head to face him. Joe doesn't look as pleased as I thought he would, instead he's laughing.

"Sis, you barely got yourself down. Your chest should just about touch the floor and then you push up. It's okay, no offense but I didn't think you'd be able to do it anyways." "Hey!!" I say, releasing myself from the awkward position and slapping him on the arm. "Ow! And it's okay, try putting your knees on the floor and do it again."

I try his suggested method and fail to do a full push-up once again.

Well crap, this is gonna be a hell of a lot harder than I thought.

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The next day I wake up sore all over. My abs hurt as I sit up in bed. My legs hurt as I walk to the bathroom. My arms hurt as I brush my teeth.

As I look in the mirror and look at my body, I think back to Jungkook's comment and Taehyung's annoyed look.

Jungkook: "You know, someone that looks like they ate someone else."

I clench my teeth and narrow my eyes in anger. We'll see about that.

-------

I step out of the car onto school campus, stomach full. Just replaying the moment that Joe told me that I could eat anything for breakfast makes me smile. He said anything's okay because "you can burn off the calories in the rest of the day."

I put in my ear buds and turn the volume to its max so I block out all the fat-shaming comments as I walk past my peers, who were once again gathered around that hot-shot group of guys. However, even the music can't make me ignore the piercing red glares I was getting from everyone. Guess the news of my phone-moving incident with Jungkook spread.

I glance at Taehyung, checking out if he looks just as good today. To my surprise he was already staring at me! But, not in the same way as the rest of our peers. I can't really tell why he's staring either, his expression is pretty blank.

The seconds seem to drag on as we stare into each other's eyes, until he smiles, and...winks at me!!!

I widen my eyes and feel my face turn red. I can't help but smile as I feel my heart beating faster, and faster. I look away and in my warm, heated, messy state manage to trip myself!

I feel footsteps nearing as I lay there on the hard cement. I can't bring myself to face such an embarrassing event so I choose to lay there, waiting for everyone to leave. I curse at myself and pray this is all just a dream.

As I've accepted my clumsy defeat, I feel a hand grab my thick arm to pull me up so I'm seated on the floor. I look up to see the sun, and what seems to be the whole school, staring down at me. I can make out that some peers are whispering to each other, some pointing and laughing, but most other's attentions are caught by my savior. I try to see who it is but all I can make up is a guy's silhouette...