Not Just A Game

Chapter 26

Back in the Capitol. Safe and sound, for now. A numb relief floods through my body. I know that I'm okay because we made it out, but I can't quite feel it yet. Today's events from the arena are still fresh on my mind, flashing like the dead tributes' photos across the sky.

We're back in the Capitol for another two weeks for training, before being forced into the final arena.

The Capitol is celebrating, to understate it. People swarm the streets outside my window, chattering so loud that I can hear them from the penthouse twelve stories above the pavement.

Although I can't see it, I can hear the television broadcasting every "special" moment from the games. Every kill, every tribute. I cringe when I overhear the news about the final kill.

Caesar Flickerman, the host for the broadcast, rambles on and on about how exciting Blair's death was. In my opinion, there's not much excitement to celebrate.

I haven't spoken to anyone since the landing of the hovercraft back on Capitol soil, but it's not because I'm ignoring them, I just need some space to think.

Sitting in my bed, staring at the ceiling as the shadow across the room changes in the long hours of the day. I'm alone with my thoughts, thinking about everything that's happened since the reaping.

I feel that if I close my eyes, I realize nothing's changed at all.

But everything's changed.

I'm not the naïve little girl struggling to save her family back home.

But I haven't forget about her either.

Fighting in the arena, killing off other tributes and watching them die off, one by one has changed me, but for the better, or worse?

I definitely have a darker side to me that's starting to show. If only I could push it back behind the curtain.

Everything that's happened in the arena hasn't changed my motives, but my perspective.

I'm still fighting to get back to my family. Back to my home. But my outlook has changed on that.

What will happen between now and then that I'll be tested with? How many people will I kill to get where I want to be? I shamefully know that I will kill someone to win, but what if they shoot first?

This is the first time I've actually pondered over the possibility of winning. I could actually make it out, with Griffin, Harley, and Dustin. I could move on with my life in the Victor's Village, move my family out of poverty, bring food to my district with Dustin by my side. We could stick together and live a long, content life.

But this is still the first time I really thought of the painful realization of dying.

The thought sends chills up my arms and numbness through my bones. A cold sensation floods through me, leaving a feeling I just can't shake off.

I imagine being the last in the games, only a single tribute left with me. I'd be fighting hard, never running. I'd aim with my knives that just couldn't seem to follow their correct path. Never hitting the target. Maybe because I'm scared, maybe because I'm nervous?

We pound each other back and forth, forth and back, the strange knowing that the fight isn't going anywhere, to anyone.

That is, until he pulls out a long sword that glints in the nighttime air, reflecting the hollow crescent moon. The stars look like faces, calling out to me. I would focus on them as a blade slowly tags my chest, right above my heart.

I'd focus on the stars. Bright and twinkling, feeling of home, all those long summer nights filled of mosquitos and laughter, way back before everything tore apart.