Freak Show (Carnival Series book 1)

Chapter 20

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"Andraya?" A nurse came out of the hallway, scanning the room for me. I stand up and walk over to her. "Your sister consumed more than an adult should of oxycodone. We've pumped her stomach, but the medication has already taken effect. There isn't much we can do." she explains to me. "Would you likke to join your family?" I nod. Everything was numb. I was vauguely aware of Trevor's hand in mine as we walked. The nurse knocked on the door. 

"Come in," my father says. I look in the room and find both my parents hovering over Isabelle, but their expressions entirely different. My mother was crying, while on the other hand, my dad's face was completely emotionless. I walk over to Isabelle, who was still asleep. I lean down and kiss her forehead. 

"I'm sorry I've been such a terrible sister," I whisper in her ear. She stirred slightly, then went back to being completely motionless. I take her freezing hand, and rub circles on the top of her hand. She was getting pale. And that's when I knew this was the last time I would see her alive. Her shallow breathing was few and far between. The heart moniter was beeping at a slow pace. I look back down at Isabelle, and she looked even more pale than she did thirty seconds ago, if that's even possible. 

"Trevor, if you wouldn't mind, we would like some family time," my mother said with a shaky voice. Trevor left, making the room feel more empty than it already did. The heart moniter was gradually get slower and slower, and Isabelle's breathing was getting more and more shallow. Then came the dreaded noise. At first, I was confused as to where it was coming from, but then I quickly caught up. 

The flat line was ringing through my head, making it impossible to hear anything else. I kneeled down on the floor and looked at my sister. She looked so vacant. Maybe that's just what the dead look like. That's when my mind went blank. I don't remember the nurses coming in and bringing her bed out. I don't remember my mother screaming and fighting for her child, as though she was still alive. I don't remember lying on the cold tile, crying bloody murder and clawing the air, as though her soul was still in the room and I just had to catch it to bring her back. I don't remember Trevor picking me up and carrying me out to the waiting room. But yet, I did. I remember every damn second of the agony. It's not something you forget about. It's something that sticks with you forever. 

"Andraya," Trevor says to me. I don't respond. I stare at the emepty wall ahead of me. Trevor kneels down in front of me and holds my hands. "Andraya, look at me." When I don't respond, he kisses my hand. "You'll get through this. You've gone through so much you-" someone started screeching. My ears felt as though they were going to bleed. 

"Andraya! Stop it!" Trevor shouted to me over the screeching. Was I the one making the horrid sound? He wraps his arms around me, and cradles me to his chest. I sob into him, hugging him back. I was such a horrible sister. I never did anything with her. I remember her always asking me to play dolls with her. No, I would say to her. Dolls are for little kids. I'm not a little kid like you. She would walk away, her head hung low. I should've said yes to her. I should've done whatever good big sisters do. Braid hair, watch movies, anything. I did absolutely nothing. I never really cared until she was dying. And now it's too late. 

Isabelle's funeral was dull. It was sunny out, and children were out playing at the parks. Everytime we would pass by a group of kids, i would scan their faces, hoping Isabelle was just hiding among them. Like she never died. It seems silly, but every time I don't find her, that little shred of hope that is in my chest, was destroyed. The whole ceremony, I stood, paralyzed. Did I want to throw the stupid handfulu of dirt onto the stupid coffin that held my deceased sister? No. Did I? Yes. It's almost as though I have no conrtol over my life anymore. As soon as I think I got myself back on my feet, something bad happens. I didn't know what to feel. Angrgy? Sad? Or how about I go into denial, convince myself that she's back at home, hiding under my bed? No. 

I choose to feel nothing. I choose to live the rest of my life numb, and senseless. The car stopped in front of our house. All of the boys were waiting. My parents went straight inside, while I stayed outside.

"Andraya," Kian says as I walk up to them. I threw my arms around him. He squeezed me, doing his best to comfort me. I don't cry, though. I sit with them all in the uncomfortable silence of grief. I could tell they all wanted to say something, but none of them knew what to say. 

"Hey," Trevor says. I release Kian and take Trevor's hand. Jc let out a puff of air, then went back to his silence. "I'm sorry. What I told you before...About her coming home... I'm sorry. I genuinely thought..." He looked down at the ground. 

"It's fine," I say. "I've accepted it." Connor shuffled uncomfortably, and Sam took in a sharp breath. Trevor looked up at me worriedly. 

"You're not sad?" He asks.

"Of course I'm sad. I mean, my sister," My voice breaks, but I get myself back together. "My sister died. I'd have to be a sociopath to not be sad. I've just decided I'm not going bother denying it." Trevor squeezed my hand, rubbing back and forth over it with his thumb. I look him in the eyes. The blue of them was hypnotizing. If I stared long enough, maybe I'd fall under a trance. 

"Ahem," Jc grunts. I look over at him. "C-can I talk to you, Andraya?" I nod and Jc walks over by the tree in my yard, far enough away from everyone else that they won't hear us. 

"Yes?" I ask him. He looks around nervously. 

"Are you and Trevor a thing?" He asks. I scoff. This is ridiculous. I begin walking away.

"I don't have time for this, Jc. I just got back from my sister's funeral." He grabs my wrist. 

"Please," He pleaded. 

I sighed. "I'm not sure. I guess," I say to him. "I'm sorry I kissed you." 

"I'm not," He says. I look up at him, confused. "Look, I really, really, like you. But we can't be together, since you're a minor. I want you to be with Trevor. Please excuse me if I behave differently around you and him. I don't want you to think about me. Just stick to Trevor." I furrow my eyebrows. 

"Jc, I didn't ask to kiss you. It just happened," I spit at him, feeling no regret. "I wanted to be with Trevor long before I met you. I wasn't planning on worrying about you. And you're free to be weird about me and Trevor. I don't care." I stomp back to the group, not feeling a thing. I look back at him, and he was walking away. A tiny shred of me wanted to go after him. I quickly buried that feeling, not wanting to hurt myself.