Poppy and Lotus [COMPLETE]

•❀Twenty❀•

Everything turned into a total mess after Ren hung up on me.

At first I was confused, lying in my bed as I waited for sleep to take me. I was exhausted after the events of that day, and I was ready for a fresh start. I supposed Ren would just speak to me as if nothing had happened to me tomorrow.  No sense worrying about it now so late at night. I hadn't meant to hurt his feelings. Maybe we could talk it out.

I closed my eyes, snuggling comfortably in the darkness of night.

The world started to slip away into my dreams moments later, but I found myself so suddenly consumed with thoughts about Ren that I woke up continuously throughout the night! After perhaps the third or fourth time, I completely gave up!

It was one of the longest nights of my life!

As time wore on and I mentally replayed our conversation over and over, I was overcome with realization that I'd said something horribly wrong. Guilt began to eat away at me, ruining my last few chances of dozing off for the night. I stayed up thinking about the look on his face when I'd said so insensitively how our relationship was "nothing special."

He must have thought I was some kind of monster! How could I say something like that so casually? Did I really think so little of what the two of us had? Or was I just so embarrassed to talk about it with my family that I tried to downplay it to lessen the impact and therefore their reactions?

I'd been known to do that before — unknowingly neglect my feelings to remain calm and collected and vise versa on different topics. It was a blessing and a curse.

Of course I had genuine feelings for Ren Yamamoto! I know we fought sometimes and he got on my nerves a lot, but something about him radiated this energy that made me feel great just being in the same room as him. Thinking about his smile stirred up a strange feeling in my chest. I was always thinking about him and what he was doing more than I thought about anything daily. It was obvious, wasn't it?!

Maybe to me! But if he doesn't know that, and I went and said something stupid like this, then....

Oh no, I really hurt him!

I refused to go to sleep, then. I ran to my desk and scribble down the best apology speeches I could think of. I tried foreign languages, slang, poems, song lyrics — everything! The wooden floor of my bedroom was covered with crumpled up paper within the next hour. Nothing sounded good enough. Heartfelt enough.

I had to fix this!

My alarm went off, and I sat up, blinking. It was sunny outside, not dark like it had been seemingly moments ago. I must have dozed off.

I stretch and yawn, hoping to fight through the grogginess before coming to the realization that I still hadn't thought of what to say to reassure Ren of my feelings.

Ah this isn't fair! I've never been good with words! Flowers speak for me!

I ruffle my hair in frustration, groaning as I drag myself off the ground to get ready for school.