Echo

01

[ 01 ]

My dad has always been an important part of my life being my light and only friend sometimes. My mother was there too but I just never stuck to her like I did to my father, so we never really got along but I do love her just as much as I love my father.

Two weeks before my father died he gave me a gold pendent with the letter E engraved in it. He looked me in my eyes and told me "Even when I'm gone your laughter and smile will always echo in my heart." and he kissed me on the forehead at the time I didn't really understand what he meant by "Even when I'm gone" but on May 15th when I screamed as the pulse line went flat I realized my father had told me he was going to die.

My father was good at hiding his illness considering I was always around him. I mean I heard the coughs and saw the color slowly drain from his skin the once vibrant espresso color slowly turning a pale color yet I never thought anything of it or at least I never wanted to think anything of it.

3 weeks after my father passed I attended to his funeral in a yellow dress because he hated dark colors and anything sad as he always wanted to make people smile and laugh. He was the light of my life always glowing around me and others like the sun. My mother hated the idea of me attending my fathers funeral in yellow she said it was "disrespectful and rude." She said "Your fathers funeral should not be treated as a celebration, so put on something less flashy and show some respect." And that was the very first of many arguments.

After a while me and my mother grew further apart in the time that we needed each other the most, When I needed her the most.

Two months after the funeral the emotional abuse began. The name calling and blaming.

Two weeks after that came the physical abuse. Swift kicks and small slaps applied dark bruises to my once unblemished flesh leaving me broken.

Things began to crumble not only at home but at school the little bit of friends I did have they started to lose interest in me because of my constant state of depression and anxiety. Spreading rumors about how I probably cut every night. So that night I made the rumors truths and I dug the razor into my thigh for the first of many times. I cut almost every night after that and the nights I didn't cut I would listen to music which soothed my pain in its own way.

One night I stumbled across something special a music video which sparked a little bit of happiness within something I had not felt in a long time. This group of seven boys dressed in fancy clothing singing lyrics I couldn't understand made me smile. So I watched another video and soon after another until I was full on giggling and bubbling with giddiness. This was probably one of the best nights of my life after my long streak of sadness.

The night was filled with smiles and laughter until my mother stomped up the stairs into my room in another one of her drunken rages yelling about how my father passing was my fault and how it should've been me who died and not him. She wobbled over to me slurring her speech as she began to push me around and pull my hair resulting in her knocking my cheap laptop onto the ground breaking it.

I had had enough of her abuse and anger. "I'm sick and tired of you putting your hands on me and making me feel like complete utter shit!" I yell as I shove her down. She glances up at me and says what seemed to have been on her mind since my dad passed " Maybe you should just leave." I knew my mother loved me deep inside buy the kids if my father had brought out the worst in her. I never would have dreamed that one day my mother would hate me enough to see me gone.

I take a deep breath a single tear sliding down my face as I glance at her my heart shatters again this is my own mother. "What have you become?" She smirks only making my next few words a little easier to say "You know what I will leave." She grins at me as I rush into my closet anger fueling all my actions I grab an all black backpack, some clothes, and my phone.

I run down the hallway into my mothers room yanking open her closet door and I pull out an old shoebox that she stashed some of my fathers life insurance money in the rest she spent on booze. I pull out what looks like 10 thousand dollars and I shove it into the backpack. I glance over to my dads side of the closet noticing all his clothes are still there. I grab a green and black striped long sleeve and shove it in my bag running out of the room and down the stairs.

I slide on my shoes pulling the front door wide open and dashing down the street the cold wind making me shiver but also cooling off my temper. I didn't really know where I was going or what I was gonna do all I knew was that I could never go back to that house.

I'm going to see the one thing or rather the one group that had me smile after a long time and it just so happens that they have a concert tomorrow night in Seoul South Korea.