Breaking

The Dark Clouds

The next day was miserable for Leo. He woke up with a pounding headache, probably from the blood loss. It was a miracle that it hadn't bled through his bandages. His stomach was painted black and blue, and his eyes had dark circles underneath from the lack of sleep. He knew that he wouldn't be able to go home that night, so he picked up clothes from his home quickly before going out to find some kind of shelter for the night. The only place that he could find where he wouldn't be found by his father was an alleyway near the school. The whole night he sat there, petrified by the thoughts that plagued his mind of criminals, rats, bugs, and what he would have to face the next day with the group.

What used to be only occasional urges to use a blade, became constant necessities. His eyes were constantly unfocused as his mind zoned out, his mind refusing to rest. Images fogged his mind, images of hatred from whom he had considered to be friends. He realized that he should never have allowed himself to believe that they would stay. He had been a fool, letting them in, now he was in pain because they walked out.

Leo raked his fingers through his hair. He knew that he couldn't just skip school, so he decided to go home to quickly shower before heading out. Once at home, he made sure to bring his blade into the shower, watching as red mixed with clear and fell in droplets to the tile below. Watching it gave him a quick relief to the pain in his mind; though, it was only a temporary fix, as soon as he stopped, the pain would flood his mind once more. He repeated the actions, one after the other, a slow yet vicious rhythm that spread calm throughout.

Once Leo reached school, he knew that he would need a lot of blade breaks that day. The first people he saw were the five; either they didn't notice him, or they ignored him, because they just kept walking with smiling and laughing faces, as though Leo had never existed. Leo's heavy heart felt as though it had just been knocked down and shattered into millions of tiny, painfully sharp shards. He had expected that they would ignore him, as others had done before, but it hurt much more this time than any of the others put together. Maybe because this time, they had actually felt genuine- Leo wasn't completely sure. All that he knew, was that he was immediately making a quick stop in the bathroom before class.

The first class of the day, Leo sat in the very front of the classroom, he could feel death glares from the boys right behind him. Leo, knew that the best thing he could do was to turn on his perfect student button. He listened attentively, taking down notes, but still not speaking. Every part of him wanted to go to the group and apologize, beg even, that he was sorry, and to tell them the truth, yet despite this longing, he continued to sit and take notes. His eyes narrowed in determination, if he was to begin to forget about those people, he had to work. Leo had to work harder than usual just to get them out of his head, and he would not rest until he had effectively rid himself of them. This was the first phase of his rejection. It happened almost every time, but this time he became even more serious. After class, he rushed to the bathroom.

The second class of the day, if possible, Leo was even more attentive, the boys were still in his head, sometimes he would remember when they laughed together, other times he would remember them being upset, still others in his mind would automatically, and without Leo's permission, wander into imaginations of them hating him, despising him, just like his father. Leo's mind placed them at his father's side, laughing as Leo got beaten, sometimes even joining along. Thus, Leo made sure to work ten times harder than even the last class to get those images out of his head, and he made sure to place himself in the front of the class, but not before the eyes of the boys, in fact on the other side, so as to be as far away as possible. Though he never raised his hand, he refused to take his eyes anywhere other than the teacher and his notes. If the teacher became silent, Leo would automatically begin checking his notes, making sure that they were done correctly, when the teacher began to speak again, Leo would be all ears and almost all eyes as he wrote down everything the teacher said, word for word. After class, he rushed to the bathroom.