~Troubled Soul~ (Jinson//Jackjin)

5. 💜

I don't know where I am right now.

It's dark, obscure.
It feels wrong,
It feels like trouble,
But yet it feels so good.

My back's leaning against the wall, my hands are fidgeting between those platinum locks and I feel his hands grabbing my waist while our tongues are harmoniously dancing together in a quiet, passionate kiss. His mouth's warmth gives me some kind of sensation I've never felt before, but somehow it's comforting, calming, amazingly sensational.

I don't even want to know whether this is right or wrong, I just don't care. I wouldn't interrupt this moment at any cost. I love everything about this. His lips are the softest I've ever met, his delicate gestures are killing me and sending me straight to paradise. This heavenly feeling had never even crossed my mind before and I feel like my soul is slowly healing.

His hands slowly reach the back of my spine and gradually go down to my butt, gently grabbing it as I moan on his lips way louder than I wanted. He stops kissing me and I slightly whine at the loss of that ethereal contact, but I start panting as he's leaving swift kisses all over my neck. He's pulling me closer to him, holding my waist against his body just as if he's afraid I'd run away, not that I could anyways.

I moan as he starts sucking my pale skin leaving purple marks all over my neck, while I throw my head backwards biting my lower lip with my eyes closed. I can feel his hot breath on my neck and his hands holding me tight. Suddenly he starts rubbing his waist against my member and I open up my mouth keeping my eyes closed, damn.

I have no idea what's happening to me right now but, whatever this bewildering mess is, it feels amazing.

Aish. I feel a sudden pain coming from my pants and I grit my teeth. I'm so hard right now, the tight clothes I'm wearing are hurting me. He lightly bites my skin and I start a little bit. Leaving a trail of soft sweet kisses, he reaches my earlobe and starts sucking it while his fingers are picking at my t-shirt. Gosh, this is driving me insane. I pull his hair as I moan once again. He delicately kisses my earlobe and I bite my lip.

- You're so loud, princess. - he whispers in my ear. - I love it. - A shiver runs down my spine as I hear those words. He looks at me for an instant biting his lip, then we kiss again: a messy, desperate, confused kiss. A magic sensation's invading my body and soul right now. Our tongues are dancing together, my hands are in his hair and my heart is beating so fast it almost hurts. His hands gently get under my t-shirt and I feel my skin burning under his touch as he's holding me close to his body so that I can feel him. Without interrupting our kiss he bites my lip and I moan really loud. Oh God, what's he doing to me? This boy...

Boy? I quickly interrupt our kiss and cover my mouth, opening my eyes wide. My own voice has awakened me from that confusing sensation. What am I doing right now? He gives me a worried look and I know a terrified expression is painted on my face right now.

- S-something's wrong? - he whispers while looking at me with those sad puppy eyes. His voice is shaking. I immediately push him away. What are you doing, Jinyoung?! You idiot! You've been by yourself for more than three years and now that you've gone out for a single night you find yourself making out with a guy you've met a few hours ago?! Are you crazy?! A GUY?! You dumb moron. You aren't even drunk... What's wrong with you?!

- Something's wrong?! E-everything's wrong! What are we even doing right now? I mean... H-how?! I... I... - I can't even look at him right now, this room is rather dark, but I can tell he's terrified, shocked. I have no idea what to do, this is so wrong. I cover my face with my hands and, after having taken a deep breath, I run out of the room without looking at him.

I'm still at Jaebum's house. I look around, it isn't as crowded as before and most people have fallen asleep all over the place, I look for Mark and Youngjae but I can't seem to find them. I take my phone: it's 2 a.m. I have to get out of this place, as soon as possible: I'll just walk home using my phone.

I look behind me, the door I've just gotten out of is still shut but I have no time to think. I get out of the house and, following the map on my phone, I get home. I quickly enter, close the door behind me and take a deep breath. I look around but I can't see anything. Everything looks blurred so I rub my eyes and, after having felt something wet on my face, I realize I've been crying all the way home. Oh my god.

How stupid. I knew this wasn't a good idea. I knew it from the start. I'm sobbing right now, so loud I think all of my neighbours can hear me. I try to calm down but my tears can't stop falling down my cheeks. I quickly run upstairs and throw myself on the bed, plunging my head into the pillow.

You dumb retarded. What made you think you could just go out and do whatever your stupid mind tells you to? Huh? How could you kiss a guy... A GUY?! Are you trying to get yourself killed? Ha! You wish, you bastard!

I can't help crying. What will Jackson be thinking right now? I'm such a shitty person, I should just stay away from everyone and everything. Ssibal. I just want to disappear forever.

And once again, I cry my heart out until my brain stops working and my anguished mind finally finds some rest. Gosh, this pain is never going to end.