love me now, touch me now, just let me love you

section 4 - love is not over, love is so painful

Every day before the awards show, Jimin couldn't contain his excitement, counting down to the exact date. As each day passed, he marked the date off on the calendar, just waiting for the day to come.

And once the day came, he talked non-stop and bounced around everywhere they went as if he'd had a couple gallons of coffee that morning.

And he was annoying RM, mostly because he wasn't in that great of a mood that day.

"Yah, yah," Jimin said to catch his attention, playfully slapping his arm as he sat in his chair in the big, wide dressing room, "turn around."

RM didn't move, restraining himself from rolling his eyes. "I can't, Jimin. My hair is getting worked on, can't you see?"

Jimin groaned and shifted himself so he was diagonally behind Namjoon. "Now look at me. Through the mirror."

Namjoon glanced back at him in the mirror and then looked back again.

"How do I look?" Jimin asked excitedly.

"Great, hyung. You look good."

"Thanks!" He leaned in closely, whispering, "But good enough for Seulgi? It's been forever and I want to look presentable in front of her."

"Man, you always look great. Calm down. Even if you came here in a trash bag, you'd look great," he told him flatly, meaning what he said but saying it in a monotone voice.

"Thank you very much, Namjoon."

"You're welcome."

Just when Namjoon thought he would leave his side and move out of the way of the stylists, he asked, "Should I add anything else to this look tonight?"

Namjoon sighed. "Jimin, I told you, you look great."

"So, I shouldn't add anything else?"

"No," Namjoon responded firmly. "And don't ask me again."

Jimin laughed. "You're funny, hyung."

Then he left the room.

Namjoon breathed a sigh of relief. He loved Jimin of course, but he was so hyped up about seeing Seulgi that he hoped nothing went wrong about all of this.

*

When they entered single file, Jimin immediately scanned the entire place for Seulgi, and when he saw her, he slapped Taehyung's arm quickly and repeatedly to let him know.

"Seulgi," he told him in a forced voice but as quietly as he could without anybody else hearing.

"I know, hyung. Now focus on where we have to sit and then focus on her." They were led to their seats and then sat down. Jimin sat down beside Tae. "And when we perform, don't stare at her, and don't even think about her. It won't do you any good, or the rest of us either."

They watched performance after performance, and finally, it was time for theirs. Before they went out, Jimin tapped Jin, saying, "Seok, I'm so nervous. Taehyung told me not to but I can't stop thinking about her. What if I think of her and then fall and ruin the whole show?"

Jin put a hand on his shoulder. "You'll be fine, hyung. Trust me. You'll be completely fine. You've got all of us here with you, and remember that she likes you back too."

Jimin forced a smile, still nervous as anything. "Thank you."

They went out and performed, and during his opening scene Jimin couldn't stop shaking. He was able to perform the rest of the song, pretty much..... except for when they got to near the end and Jimin saw Seulgi in the crowd, leaving through the doors with some other guy. It was too much for him.

He felt shaky and unsteady from not eating, overworking himself, being stressed, feeling anxious and most of all, Seulgi and some other guy together.

After that, he slowly watched the room turn different ways and then upside down, and everything was blurry and dark. The noise of the whole place started to quiet down and fade away, and eventually so did his vision too, and his thoughts. Before he knew it, everything went black and he lost consciousness right there on that stage in front of thousands of people, including fellow idols and more important people.

Talk about embarrassing.

*

"Jimin. Jimin, wake up, baby," he heard Seulgi's voice saying softly, feeling her hand on his face and her other hand shaking him back and forth to arouse him.

"Seulgi?" Jimin mumbled groggily, able to see the distinct outline of her, looking down at him, but when he opened his eyes completely, she turned into Namjoon.

It was the biggest disappointment ever.

"Jimin-ah, you're up. What happened to you?"

Jimin turned over on the sofa where he laid backstage, covering his face. "No, I don't want to talk about it."

"Jimin, come on. You have to tell me what's going on," Namjoon convinced him, taking his shoulder and turning him back over to look at him.

"Namjoon..... I think I saw Seulgi walking with another man. I think I made a mistake of not asking her to date me years back. She must be taken by some other man, someone who's not me."

"Jimin....." Namjoon held back his frustration that everything kept revolving around Seulgi and their performance was messed up because of the whole ordeal between them, but he tried his best to understand and have sympathy for him. "Relax. You can get her back, even if they're together. She'll realize that you want her again, that you have all this time, and leave him to be with you."

"Yeah, right," Jimin grumbled, rolling his eyes. "This isn't a movie, Joon."

"Listen to me Jimin. Go get her, alright? You shouldn't be this messed up over a girl. It's clear you need to go for her."

"But what if —"

"The companies won't find out," Namjoon cut in, assuring him. "Now go. Go talk to her."

Jimin nodded, standing up, and starting out the side exit of the backstage area.

"And Jimin," Namjoon called, and Jimin looked back to him in response, "stop starving yourself for God's sake, would you? Promise us that after you talk to Seulgi tonight, you'll go back to your normal eating habits. You can still have crazy abs that way, you know."

Jimin grinned, his eyes turning into upside-down crescents like they always did. "Uh-huh. I promise."

Then he walked out.