Strength - DeanxReader

Chapter 15: STRENGTH

Uhhh this chapter bout to be real sad so buckle up kids. I must enforce that you listen to LOVELY by BILLIE EILISH+KHALID because it was what I was listening to while writing this, and I think it fits really well.

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It seemed to always end up back here, even after a week; in front of the mirror.

This time, it wasn't just the cliche loss of shine in your eyes, or the amount of concealer you on your skin every morning, but something deeper than that. Ever since your debacle in purgatory, you tried to cover up the scars that remained, and although you were a good actor, acting couldn't cover the physical ones. The past week was spent with you dressed in different long sleeve shirts or flannels when you were quite known to flaunt your muscles to the public, especially in battles between the two brothers, sometimes even Castiel. But now... now everything was different. You had two deep scars on your shoulder blades where wings would normally sit, plus random scars adorning your upper arms and hands. Somehow you where able to hide your hands from the boys, but you knew they where bound to find out. You just didn't want it to happen this way.

As you where dressing after a shower, you where pulling on a new pair of red sweatpants and a light grey racer-back bralette. As you walked out into your bedroom to find your black zip up hoodie, you heard a knock on the door.

"Hello? It's Dean... can I come in?" you heard him say through the door crack. You yelled out to wait a minute, but apparently not quick enough as he opened up the door with a cold beer in his hand. Your eyes widened as your back straightened out and you tried to swing on your hoodie before Dean could see your scars.

"(y/n).." Dean whispered angrily, as the bottle hit the ground. Hard. Glass spewed everywhere and you hid yourself in the dark fabric while you averted your eyes away from the man who stood in front of you. Something inside you broke apart, and you could almost feel his eyes breaking down every tough bone you built in your body. Everything around you felt as if it was spinning, but you held your ground and quickly pulled the hoodie around your frame.

"You didn't see anything." you growled at him, almost staring him down when you realized he wasn't moving. Dean just moved closer to you and ripped off your hoodie, but not in the sexual way. He through it behind him as he spun you around and ran his hands over your back. You inched away from him but he never let go of your shoulders. 'Dean, get off of me!" You yelled, your eyes filling with tears as you felt humiliated in front of your competition.

"(Y/n), listen to me! Why didn't you tell me about this? You said you were fine?!" Dean said through clenched teeth as he paced around your bedroom. You tried to explain to him, but he just interrupted you and held up his finger to silence you. "No no no, you listen to me. I trusted you, brought you into my home with Sammy, let Cas heal you! I mourned you when I thought you were dead! And you hide the fact that you are broken?! How could you do that to me?"

"Okay fine, i'm broken! Is that what you want me to say?! Do you want me to tell you how these fucking scars on my back make me feel weak and like i'm a shitty hunter! It's not fair to me that angels and demons marked my soul! I-its not even mine anymore Dean.... How am I supposed to fight when I don't have anything to f-fight for?" You broke down, tears streaming down your face as you clenched his white sleep shirt in tight fists. When you couldn't take it anymore, your body gave out on you and you fell into his chest, your knees hitting the cold tile as Dean just held you, his arms wrapped around your waist as he sunk down to the floor with you. He ran a hand through your hair and pressed his lips against your head, tears falling into your hair.

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You stayed like that for at least an hour, drenching his shirt in your salty tears as your throat just dried up in the crying. When  you had no more tears left to cry, Dean pulled your body off to the bottom of the bed and leaned you into his chest as his back leaned against the bed board.

"(Y/n), I will never think any less of you. I... I just wanted to know that you were okay, and the fact that you lied to me when I asked just felt as if I was betrayed. I'm sorry... I guess I never really thought about how your whole purgatory affair would have affected your heart. You are the toughest hunter that I have ever met, and I've met a lot of hunters. Please, (y/n/n)," he whispered, using your nickname. "Please don't give up on me yet. I'm sorry about everything. I believe in you, so does Sammy and so does Castiel. You can tell me anything, (y/n/n). Your never going to be a monster in my eyes, so please don't hide anything from me. I know that you have it in you."

Your eyes had been shut during his whole speech as your contacts had fallen out at least 30 minutes ago, and although he had said those things, you knew that he would never look at you the same after you showed him your eyes. But you had to take the leap of faith in this situation, or you might never get to be with the green-eyed man wrapped around you. Finally, you did it. You looked up at him with tear stains down your face, and the purple glow of one eye and the contained-color of the other peering up at the candy-green orbs of Deans. Immediately, his eyes widened in a mix of fear, disgust, and concern. You knew you had made a mistake, but you couldn't turn back now, so instead you said what needed to be said.

"I know I can handle it, but do you have the strength?"