Being Human

Rain

    It was raining. The cold droplets soaked your cloths, and mingled with your tears as you walked down the road. You had been walking for a while now, trying to make it to he other side of the town so you could find a motel room far enough away from Sam and Dean. You had been crying the whole time. You were scared and alone now. Your heart was breaking.

    After a little while you started to think about what had happened. You thought about how angry and cold Dean was, and how he turned you out without a second thought. All because of what you were. You thought about how he did not want you involved with his brother. You liked Sam, maybe more than like, and it made you sad and infuriated that you could never see him again. All of it was Dean's fault, if he was not so pig headed you would not have had to leave Sam, and the only home you had every really known.

    You figured you walked far enough by now, so you quickly found a motel and got a room. The room was shabby, and looked like every single other motel you and the Winchesters had visited. The thought of the brothers had your eyes tearing up again, you hastily wiped them away and threw your few possessions on the bed. You decided to call Castiel and find out what progress he had made on finding your grace. You pulled your cell phone out of your pocket and dialed his number. The line rang for a while, you thought that he was not going to answer and you were about to hang up when he finally answered.

    "Y/n is something wrong?" He asked. He sounded tired, you hoped you were not bothering him.

    "Nothings wrong Castiel, I was just wondering if you made any progress in the search for our grace." You sat at the end of your bed as you waited for Castiel to answer you.

After a brief pause he answered you. "I have not found our grace y/n." He paused again. "And if I am being honest with you I don't really want to find them."

"What do you mean you don't want to find it? Castiel we need our grace if we are going to get heaven back on track." You were confused, You thought the plan was to fix heaven.

"Y/n I don't want to fix heaven. I feel guilty, and I know its all my fault, but I think the angels could have a future here on earth. There is so much good we can do here." He paused before continuing. "I have grown accustom to being human. Everything is so new, emotions, hunger, need. It's all new. We can use these experiences to help them."

"But what about heaven, that monster Metatron is running everything, that's not going to end well." You argued.

"Heaven will get on just fine, I am convinced that he won't destroy heaven because then he will have nothing left to rule over." Castiel was getting on your nerves, you just wanted to get your grace back and go home. "Besides I thought you were enjoying being human, what changed?"

You started tearing up. Right at the moment you hated being human. Your heart hurt, you were all alone. When you were an angel your emotions were dulled. You still felt, but it was no where near this intense. You just wanted the pain that you felt to go away. You didn't want to feel anything, not happiness, hunger, pain, sadness, or love. You missed Sam, and the vast majority of the pain you were feeling right now was because you could never see him again.

That thought made the hurt intensify, you missed him so much. You missed everything about him, his smile, the way he stared at his computer when he was lost in research, how he looked at the world. He was happy despite everything that the world had thrown his way. And you had hoped to maybe share his happiness one day, but all of it was thrown out with you.

    "I don't want to anymore Castiel, it hurts to much." You whispered into the phone as another onslot of tears ran down your face.

    "I thought everything was fine, have you tried talking to the Winchesters about it?" Cas sounded like he was worried about you.

    You half heartedly chuckled a bit. "No, I cant really talk to them anymore."

    "What do you mean y/n, you can talk to them, they will understand." He was concerned now, you could hear it in the tone of his voice. You also heard him shuffling around on the other side and the sound of a door slamming closed.

    "Dean." You sniffled. "Dean found out I was an angel, he kicked me out." You were still crying, how you had no idea. "Cas I'm all alone."

    The other side of the line was quite for a moment, before you heard Castiel start cursing in Enochian. "That assbutt, he's going to regret this. Don't worry y/n I will take care of this." Castiel said before hanging up on you.

    You sighed in defeat, this is not what you wanted. You just wanted to talk to Castiel, find out how long you would have to wait to get your grace back. Now he was rushing off to fight his best friend. You could not deny that a part of you liked the idea of Cas telling Dean off for how he treated you, but at the same time, you did not want to come between their friendship, you did not want to cause more problems. You were hurt, but that was no reason to hurt Dean back, and Cas at the same time.

    You sat your phone down and walked to the window to watch it rain. The rain accurately represented how you felt, cold, grey, and sad. You had only been watching the rain fall for a few minutes before you heard your phone start ringing. You walked back to the bed and picked it up. The screen displayed a picture of you and Sam, with Sam's name flashing brightly at the top. He was calling you, and for a moment your heart soared. He was calling you, and you desperately wanted to talk to him, hear his voice, his laugh one more time. You were about to press the answer button when you remembered what Dean had told you. You did not want Sam to ask you to come back, because you would, without a second thought. You just did not want to deal with Dean.

Your thumb hovered over the button as you sat there and listened to it ring. When it stoped you walked back to the window with your phone still in hand, content to watch it rain. Your phone buzzed a few seconds later with a text from Sam. You hesitated to open it. You figured one text could not hurt anything, and what Dean did not know would not kill him. You opened it and read the message.

      Y/n, I don't know why you left. I don't know what Dean said that made you want to leave. Or if its even his fault.... Knowing me and my luck its something I did. Please talk to me tell me what's wrong. I want to try and help with what ever it is. If you don't want to talk that's fine too, at least let me know that you are safe. I miss you y/n stay safe. ~Sam

You read Sam's message, your tears falling like the soft rain outside. You taped the reply box and began typing your response.

        Sam, its not your fault and don't ever think that it is. I am safe and sound I promise. I just needed to be on my own for a while, your wouldn't understand. There is nothing you can do for me but stay safe. I miss you too. ~ y/n

You sent the text off. Dean may have said he did not want you talking to his brother, but you did not care you were still going to build your relationship with Sam. Dean be damned. Your phone buzzed again, notifying you that Sam had replied.

        I'm glad your okay y/n. I respect that you want to be alone for a little while, but I am still worried about you. Please stay in touch. ~ Sam

    You quickly sent him a reply.
I promise to stay in touch with you Sammy. Goodnight ~ y/n

    You smiled softly. You were not loosing Sam completely. It is obvious that he did not know your secret because he still wants to talk to you.You were happy that he was not completely out of your life, but you could never see him again, and that thought kept you from being truly happy.

A/n: So here's another chapter y'all. I don't think it's all that good but I wanted to write, so yeah. Hope y'all enjoy, vote, comment, you know the drill. Thanks!