I wasn't quite sure how much alcohol I had consumed or how the hell I'd ended up in my back garden with Luke.
"Let's play a game"Luke said his words coming out slurred. As he took another swig from the vodka bottle, I wasn't 100% sure where the hell we'd got it from.
"Sure"I replied my voice also slurred as I took the bottle off him and took a swig.
"Let's play truths"Luke smirked biting his bottom lip
"Kay"I sang awfully. I was remembering why I stopped drinking.
"I'm firsstt"Luke muttered dragging his words taking the bottle back off me "do you like me?"he smiled throwing his head back giggling like a 5 year old.
"No"I giggled trying to take the bottle back off him. But he snatched it back.
"No, not until you say you love me"he giggled standing up and running towards the end of the garden
"Hey come back here asshole"I squealed running after him tripping over my own feet and falling on top of him. "this is...-"I muttered my nose brushing against his.
"Shhhhhh"he whispered before he gently pressed his lips to mine pulling both of us up so my legs were wrapped around his waist pulling us closer. The kiss was sloppy considering the amount of alcohol we'd both consumed. A sudden sobering feeling washed over me this felt right but so wrong, It felt like so many drunken nights before. I pulled away biting hard on my lip.
"Hey what's up"Luke muttered leaning back in kissing above my lip.
"I can't"I whispered pulling away again.
"Can't what?"he asked tangling his fingers in my hair.
"Just stop it please"I sighed moving shis hand from my hair. Falling backwards onto the soft grass.
"Oh come on"he smirked leaning over me. Does he not get what no means I thought to my self.
"Seriously I'm not prepared to make another drunk mistake"I muttered pushing Luke back to the ground next to me.
"SO THIS IS A MISTAKE!"he shouted. I mean I could see why he was mad but I'm pretty sure he wouldn't be screaming if he wasn't so drunk.
"Shhhhhhhh you'll wake my mum"I hissed smacking him in the shoulder.
I was beginning to regret this whole evening and I'm pretty sure Luke could tell.
"sorry"he mumbled as we both fell back down to the ground facing the sky. Luke handed me the vodka bottle back.
"I think we've both had enough"I sighed placing the bottle beside me.
"You know it helps if you tell someone"Luke shrugged I just stared back at him confused.
"Tell someone what?"I asked still looking up at the still night sky.
"Why you're such a bitch"he laughed. I slapped him in the arm and turned to face him his eyes staring straight back into mine
"But seriously there must be a reason?"he asked braking our staring.Turning back to face the sky
"How do you know I'm not just a bitch?"I asked raising my eyebrows. As I watched him stare up at the sky with a look of concentration across his face.
"Because my darling theirs pain behind those beautiful eyes"he muttered as if it was rehearsed. He turned back to face me out eyes connecting again.
"Is that a quote?"I asked it was probably somehow we'd just done in English but I hadn't listened.
"Probably"he shrugged turning back to face the sky.
"It's pathetic really"I muttered still contemplating weather to tell Luke why I was such a bitch. I mean I was still slightly under the influence of alcohol but I wasn't that drunk.
"I promise you you're anything but pathetic"Luke smiled at me but I was to focused on the sky and the few visible stars. I sat up slowly pulling my knees to my chest I took a deep breath.
"Ummm well when I was sixteen my mum met this guy, he made her happy I didn't like him but I guess I didn't do a very good job of hiding it. So when he left, after getting my mum pregnant! She blamed me. And I guess I blamed myself too for hurting my mum."I paused breathing in slowly. I glanced over at Luke who was concentrating on my every word. I continued "so instead of going home I'd disappear. I'd get wasted and end up in the dodgiest of bars. That's how I met him I can't remember how I was that drunk. I thought he liked me but he just used me but he'd always get his way. Even if I refused"I choked a lump forming in my throat.
I'd become so good at hiding things it felt wrong to be saying them out loud. Like what I was saying wasn't real, it hadn't happened I'd just imagined it. I glanced back over too Luke who was staring at me with a blank expression, like he didn't fully understand what I was saying. I didn't blame him.
I continued again "even If I refused"I breathed out shakily I screwed my eyes shut. The more I spoke, the more real it all felt. Dammit I was so pathetic. I bit down on my lip hard, I wasn't going to cry. I felt Luke's hand against mine intertwining our fingers together squeezing my hand tight.
"It's okay, it's okay to cry"Luke whispered into my ear he was still had his fingers locked with mine.
I opened my eyes again looking down at the dimly lit grass and my tatty black vans. "He'd abuse me until I did what he wanted" I breathed out wiping the few tears of my cheeks. I looked over at Luke who had moved closer and still had a tight grip on my hand. He gave me a slight nod which I guess meant to carry on.
"Even though what he did was wrong and I knew it, I'd still pathetically crawl back to him every time."my voice had now reduced to a whisper "but not before, before I'd take, smoke or drink anything to take away the pathetic feeling...."I trailed didn't really know how else to put this or how else to say it.
"But I stopped as soon as he ended it because of something I can't even remember I was so wasted or high"I sighed. I must have sounded even more pathetic than I felt. "And I guess that's why I'm a bitch because that asshole made it so hard to trust people. Because I trusted him and all he did was hurt me"the tears were now streaming down my face.
"You're not pathetic you're strong"
A/N heyoo!! it's been a month and I'm so sorry! this chapter has been really hard write and I'm still not 100% happy with it. but any way hope you enjoy it :) xx
I'd also like to thank my best friend ffionanne for helping me a lot with this chapter I love you lots xx
