High For Him

I Am Worthless

14

~Quinn~

"F*ck yeah! There we go!" He shouts as I pull myself up as high as I can. My palms are sweaty, my armpits are sweaty, even the inside of my ass is sweaty. Okay that was a little tmi but it's true.

"That's it, yeah!" Droplets of sweat beads fall off my cheeks into the crack in between my boobs. I've been doing this for hours. Does this man ever get tired?

"Good job Quinn, you're done for the day." Tony hands me a hand towel as I climb off the gym equipment. I drag the cloth over my wet skin, soaking it in water first.

I decided taking workout lessons would definitely improve my body weight. I felt like a hippo in my clothes. I'm just not enough. So here I am sweating my ass off with my gym trainer, Tony.

"F*cking hell." I breathed out as I took a seat on a wooden bench. There wasn't a lot of people here considering it's very late, besides these huge guys who every once in a while would look over at me.

"You're improving, in no time you'll be able to do this by yourself." Tony says as he grabs his bags and belongings. Tony's a pretty built guy for his age. He's in his late thirties but he looks not one day older than twenty-six. His stubbled beard and unwrinkled skin were the main factors that made him look pretty young.

"Trust me, my fatass is going to take a while to get used to this." I collected my stuff and fixed my messy bun.

"You shouldn't dwell on you're appearance or what others think," Tony smiles down at me like a ginormous skyscraper, "what you think about yourself is what truly matters."

"Well I think I'm a fat pig."

***

"I'll be right over... be ready by then.." I hear bits and pieces of Kane's conversation over the phone as I walk into the apartment. I walk into the living space to see Kane in a white tee and black jeans. Tyler was nowhere to be found- as always. Where does that guy disappear to, anyway?

Kane quickly turns to see me and he hangs up the phone. I couldn't help but notice how hard he was trying to not stare at my half naked body.

"Hey."

"Hi, uh you've seen Tyler?"

"No, not since this morning." I place down my gym bag and my water bottle on the kitchen counter.

"Well I'm heading out so if anything happens call me or Tyler, okay?" Kane murmurs not daring to look me straight in the eye, something he usually does.

"Yeah, are you going to be long?" I ask shifting a little closer to the beautiful man in front of me.

"I don't know. I might take all night but don't worry about me." he moved away from me and as he passed me I smelt his cologne. The cologne I love to smell on him. The cologne I smelt while he made me unravel oh so pleasurably.

God all these naughty thoughts have to go away. It's for the better!

"Okay." and with that simple word he's gone. Out the door. Made like a tree and left. Gonzo. Finito. But I still smelt his cologne.

Something. Something, inside me told me this was a horrible idea but the rest of me basically opened the door itself.

It wasn't spying, or so I told myself that, but I was just curious as to where Kane would be going at two in the morning. Surprisingly, he hadn't took his car so I followed him as he walked down the street to a little red house just around the corner.

He sprinted up a little flight of stairs and rang the doorbell. I hid behind a big palm tree, peeping through a small space. The door opened and I see a short blonde in the smallest pair of underwear I've ever seen, it was shocking.

But the most shocking part was when she turned around.

Jen.

The snow headed girl ran up to Kane and basically pulled him into the house. And he let her. My almond sized brain couldn't really wrap itself around the fact that I just saw Kane- my brother's best friend and roommate, Kane is in my new friend's house.

But then it hit me, like a butt cheek on a stick, that the girl Kane was making out with at that party. The barbie doll, manicured, lip injected bitch was Jen. It all makes perfect sense.

All the daddy numbers on her phone. The secret calls late at night. What else am I missing out?

Geez, just when you learn you can't trust anyone. Even after realizing Tray isn't a good friend, I still trusted Kane. I trusted that he wasn't as low as Tray. But nope, in someway this is lower.

Oh and god, I wished my brain warned me when I suddenly decided it was a great idea to spy on them through a little window.

How Kane took her in his arms, how he hovered over her body. How he placed kisses all over her body. His hands roamed around her bare skin, and suddenly I felt like throwing up right then and there.

It was like I was nothing.

A way to pass the time.

Another flee on his shoulder.

A puppet with strings.

Like suddenly all he had ever said to me wasn't true. All of it. Lies. For what? To use me? To make fun of me?

Like my insecurities aren't as bad enough as it is he had to go ahead and humiliate me. Make me feel even worse about myself.

"You're beautiful Quinn Brown."

I'm reminded as he unclips her bra strap swiftly and begins to please her just like he did with me.

Nothing.

Absolutely nothing had moved me this much in my life. The name calling, my parents, not even the fact that not one guy wanted to come near me during high school moved me as much as this.
This only taught me, convinced me that

I am Worthless.

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Edited 7/31/18