Contronym

Chapter 21

My heart seemed like it was suddenly pounding. I felt like I was about to run a mile. I had no idea what Finn wanted to talk about but he obviously thought it would A.) take a while or B.) make me mad and want to leave so he trapped me here. To be honest, both of those options scared me. What could we possibly have to talk about?

"Do you want to walk?" He asked while reaching for the keys. I nodded because I had no other option. I wouldn't be trapped this close to him if we got in another argument. I hadn't done anything to him so I was confused as to what this could possibly be about.

I got out of the car at the same time as him and we walked to the sidewalk that ran through and around the park. It was mostly grass and trees with a few sporadic picnic tables. There was a playground section on the far side and the street lamps illuminated the path. It wasn't too cold outside, but I perfected the cold to the heat so the chill didn't bother me. Ironic for a California girl. I guess the northeast was still in my blood from childhood.

We walked for a moment before Finn spoke up. Maybe it was my nerves or perhaps it was the silence that surrounded us, but his voice sounded much deeper than usual. "I want to apologize." I was about to tell him to go on, he took such a long pause but he continued on his own. "I shouldn't have snapped at you that day at practice. I was just...distracted. The truth is, you didn't get me in trouble, I do that on my own. I was just frustrated with you. I worked so hard to get noticed by colleges and you waltz in with them falling at your feet." He stopped talking and looked out at the park as we walked, presumably avoiding my eyes.

I let him contemplate in silence. Our shoulders brushed briefly, sending goosebumps down my bare arms where his suit jacket had just touched. His hands were in his pockets and mine were in my dress pockets (fortunately, they had pockets or else I would feel incredibly awkward).

"I wanted to think it was because you were a girl playing with boys but that wasn't it. You were good and it scared me. I was jealous. I guess you could call me a bit of an attention whore." He laughed lightly. I couldn't resist the temptation of chiming in.

"I've been calling you that since day one and you just realized that?"

He turned and looked at me with furrowed brows and a down turned smile. "I'm trying to be serious here." His voice was teasing despite the look on his face. It made the whole thing seem more mocking and I couldn't help but laugh.

"I saw an opening." I raised my hands in defense and hit his my shoulder lightly with my right hand.

"Anyway, I was wrong. They were watching you because you're a good player. I was only an ass because I was trying to intimidate you but I realized that wouldn't work pretty quickly. Truth be told, I may or may not have missed your company, hence the apology."

I turned my head to the side so I could look at him. He sensed the movement and looked back into my eyes with his intense forest green ones. "It's okay. I had preconceived notions about you too. Although you did live up to them when you were being an asshole." I smirked and he snorted out a laugh. "You probably think I'm some crazy bitch, and rightly so, but there's one thing I'm still mad about." I said before facing ahead again. It must have been our second lap around the park. We hadn't done much talking but we had our fair share of long silences.

This was another one of them.

We passed the same tree for the second time around and Finn seemed to realize what I was getting at. "You're still mad that I didn't hit you."

"100 percent."

He exhaled and I practically heard Finn roll his beautiful eyes. "You're a weird one. But I also see where your coming from. Look, I didn't not hit you because you're a woman. I didn't hit you because I actually like you as a person. I'm never going to hit you back just like I'm probably never going to hit Sam or Chris back. Unless they really do something fucked up but that's besides the point." He was looking at me as he said it but I refused to meet his eyes. For some reason I felt so much emotion in his words that I couldn't look him in the eyes. I just couldn't.