Contronym

Chapter 37

I don't know how long I layed in bed with Finn's naked body against mine. One thing was for sure, after going at it for two hours, I was spent. One hour with Finn was like three hours with anyone else. This man knew what he was going.

It was peaceful after. Neither of us said anything, he just held me to his chest as we laid there thinking. I thought about a variety of things. The fact that I was going to the Olympics, the sex I just had, my upcoming English exam; but mostly the sex I just had.

After a lot of contemplating, I had to bring it up. "What kind of sex did we just have?" The question sounded dumb but it was important.

"Um. The sex kind?" Finn said in a confused voice. His chest vibrated against my cheek soothingly.

"Stop making that stupid face." I didn't even have to see him to know he was making and 'are you stupid' face. "You know what I mean. One night stand sex? Romantically involved sex? Friends with benefits sex?" I squeezed romantic into the middle on purpose so it didn't hang in the air. I was sure that I wanted Finn romantically after that first kiss hours ago.

His thumb stoped moving on my back and that scared me. "Is this your way of asking if I want a relationship?" I didn't respond after a few seconds so he continued, much to my relief and pleasure. "Honestly, I want something more but I just didn't act on it. I was going to but then; you know....."

"You can be blunt about it. It's the truth. You did it in the office. I don't see the problem with saying it to my face." I said in a soft voice while intertwining my hand with his. We layed in silence for another moment before I spoke up again. "Why'd you kiss me? Now, I mean."

"I don't know. I was happy. Maybe I saw a bit of hope that we'd be together longer. If you're asking why I didn't kiss you those other two times, it just wasn't the right moment. I had just been forgiven and the other time you'd just been raped." The hand that wasn't intertwined with mine laid on my hip, with Finn rubbing his thumb back and forth lazily. "Why did you let me have sex with you? I saw that thing with Cameron at the beach."

"Would you leave it at that if I said you were better looking?" I smiled at the ceiling.

"As much as that would appease my ego," He said with a smirk in his voice before stopping. Finn's hand untangled from mine and found my left arm as he slid my upper body off of his chest and onto the bed gently. Finn leaned on his elbow so he was facing me. I took the que and proped up on my left elbow. "Sylvia, why me and not him?" He repeated.

I looked him dead in the eyes as I said it. "Because I like you and I trust you." My tone was soft but affirmative. I looked away from his intense gaze and found my eyes trained on the white ceiling as I laid back down again. "I don't want you to think 'oh my God. What have I just gotten myself into' but I feel like now sex is a little different for me. It hasn't been too long since the rape, but I feel like I have to trust a person to have sex with them. I don't think I'll ever be able to go have one night stands like I did before, unless I know and feel comfortable with person. It doesn't have to mean anything, but I need to know them. It's weird. I just feel anxious around people I don't know in general now."

I felt Finn's fingers touch my jaw and turn my head to face his. "It's not weird. Although, I won't object to the not having one night stands part."

A smile pulled the the corners of my mouth and I quirked an eyebrow at him. "Why would that be?"

A smile of his own found its way to his face. "Sylvia, I have more feelings for you than I have for anyone else in my life. Will you be my girlfriend?"

I didn't even need to respond, my smile was so big as I leaned up and kissed him. It was much less aggressive than before but it was somehow more intoxicating. Finn kissed me back without hesitation. His hand rose to my jaw and cupped my face.