Midnight (editing)

12

My vision blurs with tears. I stumble, but before I could hit the ground, Caleb had caught me.

"Zoe? Hey, are you okay??" One look at my face gives him the answer. "Hey, c'mon. We gotta get you to your room."

He just lifts me up and sighs loudly. I bury my head into his shoulder, peeking at Ian's window. I see him glancing at us continuously and throwing things around his room.Shaking the image from my mind, I breathe in Caleb's cologne, getting lost in the feel of his muscles moving rhythmically. I simply close my eyes.

The memory of his lips on mine is etched into my mind. It's all I can think about. I remember how his hands cupped my jaw lightly while he was kissing me. I remember exactly how he tasted - cherries. I just can't get him out of my head. Shaking my head, I open my eyes, squinting at the bright lights shining from Ian's house.

"You up?" I turn my head to see Caleb leaning against the door frame, looking at me with this look in his eyes. I couldn't make out what they said, but it didn't matter. Nothing mattered now. I lost. I lost him. The one person I knew I'd always have. I could feel bile rising up my throat. Jumping out of bed, I dashed for the bathroom, puking the entire day's food. After brushing my teeth, I turn to see Caleb sitting on my bed, with concern.

"I'm fine. Don't look at me like that. Nothing happened. I'm okay. I'm gonna be alright. I know I am." I say. "Are you telling me, or yourself? Because I sure as hell don't believe that. I know you'll tell me when you're ready, but frankly, I'm worried about you Zoe bear. I love you. I can't see you hurt like this. Not again, and again, and again, bec- because of fucking Julian!"

"It's not his fault, it's mine! It's mine. I-I've ruined everything. God, why? I just- I just wish I didn't kiss him. Again. And I thought-" I hiccuped.

"Zoe, it's not you. It's definitely not you. He-he's just! Ugh. I hate him. With every fibre and ounce of my being. I can't stand it. You know- from now on, you missy, are not. I repeat. Not going to be around him. You can't look at him. Or think about him. And you definitely cannot talk to him. Am I clear?" Caleb speaks harshly. He doesn't know what I did. I look up at him, innocently, hoping that he will understand, hoping he'll see why I wanted - no, needed - Ian.

Caleb just glares at me. "No means no, okay Zoe? Look, I'm sorry, but you are too dependent on him. You don't need him. You have me. You have Andy! And you have your mom, as well as your brother. You even have Cat. And I can assure you one thing, for sure. All of us, without any hesitation, whatsoever, will die for you. Or worse. If there's something worse, then we'll do that as well. Nothing matters except your happiness. Tell me how I can help. Come to me whenever you're feeling sad, or if you can't sleep, or when you just wanna cry, or cuddle, or whatever. I'm always there for you Zoe. Always."

I nod silently, looking at my wrist, itching to let out my pain. I hate how he said those words to me. It's like he actually hates me. My stomach turned at the thought that my best friend hated me. What have I become? Who am I? What am I still doing here? How do these people love me? How can anyone love a girl like me?

That was my last thought before I fell asleep again, tossing and turning in a world of nightmares, where reality was a twisted, dark version of my deepest secrets, fears and regrets.