Mr. Harry Styles

8 Want, will, can, not

I don't know why I did it. Something told me that I should. I was in a clothing store and I landed at women clothes. I noticed underwear that looked like it fit a nice girl and for some reason I chose to hold it up in front of me. It was a sexy black bra with panties that fit. I stood a long time staring at them. It was like this as Harry wanted it? Buy underwear that fit a woman? I went to the cashier and paid. I had no idea why I did it, but I left the store with a gift box. Slowly, I went out on the street and slowly I let it all sink in. I knew it would be difficult to explain everything to everyone else. It was easy to stay with Harry, because I still loved him. I didn't want to be a coward and I wanted to be the man as he got. I stopped at a corner of a building. I picked up my cell phone and I called my mom. Yes, it was as if I unknowingly did the right thing. I heard her voice when she answered, and it felt strange.

"Hey, it's me ..."

She was immediately happy and it was as if she had been waiting for the call.

"Niall, how is it? It was a long time since you called us..."

I swallowed and I leaned back against the cold wall.

"Mom, I need to talk."

She seemed to sense that I meant something serious and her voice lowered a bit.

"What happened?"

I did it, though I wasn't directly aware of it. I explained everything, my feelings for Harry, and all about the secret as he had. It was as if I needed to talk and my mom was the one who heard everything. When I was finished, she was silent for a few seconds and I understood almost that she was shocked.

"So he's a she?"

I swallowed and I looked down at the ground.

"Not yet, but he will be."

I sensed that she sat down on a chair and I sensed that she didn't really understand.

"Mom, this is serious." I therefore whispered. "I don't know for myself what I want. I love him, but I don't know what I feel like if he changes his gender."

She cleared her throat a little and she didn't mention that this was the wrong thing to do.

"What does he feel for you?"

I swallowed.

"He trusts me. I'm the only person, besides you, who knows about the truth. He haven't even told his own mom about it."

She took a deep breath.

"Niall, this is big?"

I nodded, although she didn't saw it.

"I know..."

She seemed to think. It was as if she wasn't exactly surprised, but she still wasn't keen on the idea that her son chose a man, or whatever she called Harry.

"The only advice I can give you is to help him. You may not choose to be a couple, but you can be there by his side and help him?"

That was no good answer.

"Mom, didn't you hear what I said? I love him. It's like I can't live without him, but at the same time it feels so wrong to be part of this journey, which he will do."

We had a long talk. I didn't get all the answers as I wanted, but I felt relieved afterwards. Yes, I needed someone to talk to about it all, and for the moment, my mom was the best person. I ended the conversation with the council to think through my life, what I wanted to do. But if I wanted to be honest, Harry was almost my plan. I quickly realized that I couldn't let him go or be the man as didn't want to be with him, and I realized it didn't matter who he was, just he was the person he showed me right now at this time in my life.