Mr. Harry Styles

27 double Life

Gemma held out pieces of fabric in front of me and she smiled big.

"Well, what do you like?"

I hesitated. Diana sat next to me and I sensed that she had already decided to go for one of these. I hesitated before I pointed to the one as had a faint pink color. Diana flew up from the sofa, cheering.

"Good Niall, it was exactly that fabric I wanted. It will be the best for the tables and then we take the white one at the wall."

I admit it. I was out on the wrong track. I had no idea what they wanted out from me, for me it was just boring pieces of fabric.

"This will be so good." said Gemma happily and smiled approvingly at me. "You have a good taste Niall."

I leaned back on the sofa. I chose to smile, although I had no idea what I smiled for. They ran into the kitchen and continued to plan everything. I chose to sit still and my eyes slid over to the bookcase next to the TV. Diana had framed a photo of Harry and put there. She chose the photo that I loved, and I was a little grateful. Yes, I missed him, though he was in my life in a new way.

Yes, I know I was changed as soon as I saw something that reminded me of Harry. I was ashamed that I always remembered back on those hot moments, but at the same time it was good memories. I tried to forget everything, but couldn't. My Harry was the person I forever would like to meet, but I would never get to see ever again. I had now Diana and actually I should be grateful for that.

"Niall what do you think are a good color on a cake?"

I was awakened from my thoughts. Gemma turned up and she smiled expectantly at me. I tried to smile encouragingly back.

"Let Diana choose."

She laughed a little.

"Then the cake turns white with pink roses."

I nodded tired.

"That sounds good."

I sighed to hear their voices. Gemma went back into the kitchen and I heard them giggling and talking about the little things as I didn't care about. I let my eyes caught up Harry again. Maybe I was gay? Maybe I didn't want to be with a woman? Yet I couldn't lie about that, I loved Diana, but not in the same way I had loved Harry. No, it was like I realized that there were different feelings. With Harry was all exciting and everything was forbidden. With Diana, everything was just as usual, although we developed all with sex. Maybe I wanted that as was forbidden, and that I would never settle for the ordinary?

****

It was a late Friday after work. I was on my way home when I heard the music and realized that I was staring straight at the door and led into a gay disco. I had never been there and I had never thought about that place. I should have walked home, but at the same time, I was still unsure about who I was. If I were gay, I would find that disco interesting and if I wasn't gay, I would go home immediately. I smiled at my own thoughts and I chose to walk up to the door. A bigger guy stood outside as a guardian and he smile at me when he saw me.

"Looking for something special?"

I swallowed.

"No, I just want to have a beer and watch the guys."

He didn't mind that. He opened the door for me and looked down on my butt. Okay, he was gay.

"Have a nice evening." he whispered dully. "And if you get bored, I'm here."

I swallowed and I chose not to say anything more to him. I went in and I landed quickly in a landscape of men. Yes, there were all kinds of guys in there. Some had leather, others were almost naked. There were guys who looked like lawyers and guys who chose to dress up as something else. I chose to glide silently past them and I found a seat at the bar. I ordered a beer and gently, I looked around the room. The music was high and I saw how many were dancing sexy dances with each other. I came to think about Diana, when she had danced. Yes, Diana was a good dancer. Maybe I was trying to get her into the picture for the moment?