Living A Lie

Chapter 11 - Mr. D

Alex was finally released from the hospital after his collarbone had healed about four weeks later. The doctor said he was at risk for puncturing something if he wasn't on strict bedrest. He still had a cast on his leg and arm and needed help to get around so I went over every day to help him out. Kaleb was okay with it. He told me he trusted me to make the right decisions, so I told him every day what we had done. I was still lost in my thoughts when the elevator signaled my arrival to the penthouse. I punched in the code and stepped inside. "Alex? You awake yet?" I checked my watch to see it was only ten-thirty. He could still be sleeping. 

I walked down the hallway, fighting the memory that plagued me every time I came. It wasn't real. It was a setup. You're stupid to still be affected by this. Grow up. It's been three years. I turned into his bedroom and found him sound asleep. I sat down next to him and patted his shoulder. "Hey, wake up. It's ten-thirty, you bum."  He groaned and rolled over. "Alex," I patted his shoulder again. "Get up." I reached out to smack his shoulder this time when he grabbed my arm and pulled me down next to him. "Hey!" He then laid on top of me, not using all of his weight of course. "Alex, get off of me. Now." I stared up at the ceiling. I was unable to look at him because he had his face in the crook of my neck. "Alex. I said now." He took a deep breath. 

"It's been three years since I've held you like this. You smell so good." His breath fanned across my neck and it felt way too good. "Alex," I tried to push him off. "Get off of me. I'm in a relationship with Kaleb." He kissed my neck gently and fire shot instantly to my core. "I still remember what you like." "Alex-" "You loved when I would kiss you here," He paused long enough to kiss right below my ear and I fought to not shiver. "You loved when I would hold you like this. You loved waking up before me so you could play in my hair. You loved when I cooked for you. When we would sit on the couch and watch old supernatural episodes so you could catch me up" "Alex, please." "You hated going on business trips but you loved the I miss you sex. That was what kept you going when you were away. You loved going to the park at night and staring at the stars with me. You used to love me. I can't forget that." He leaned back enough so he could look at me. He had tears in his eyes. "I dream about you being in my arms and when I wake up and it kills me. I constantly think about you. I have mounds of paperwork to go through at work because I cannot focus when you're all I can think about." 

A tear fell and landed on my cheek. It killed me to see him in this kind of pain. "Alex, I have loved you since I was ten years old. When I skinned my knee on the playground and you kissed it better. I was only ten. I didn't know I loved you. I didn't even know what that meant. I thought it was a crush." Another tear landed on my cheek. "But as I got older I realized what it meant. I realized that it was more than a crush, that I wanted you to be mine. That I had found the love of my life. I will always love you. But you didn't tell me about the set-up until after I had started dating Kaleb-" "I know" he sobbed. "I thought I was losing you, and if I told you, you'd leave him for me." "I thought about it. But I didn't fully believe you." "I have never lied to you, Kate. Never." I could barely understand him now. He rolled off of me and buried his face in his pillow. "I know that now, Alex. I love you, I still do, but I also love Kaleb. I can't hurt him like this." 

He wouldn't talk to me after that. So I made sure his crutches were by his bed, made him some lunch, put it in the fridge, and then headed home. I had to tell Kaleb what had happened. I'd feel so guilty if I didn't, I'd feel like I was cheating. Hell, maybe I am by still being in love with him. I argued with myself the whole drive home. I was still fighting with myself when I walked through the door and headed to the kitchen. There were two empty wine glasses in the sink and an empty wine bottle on the counter. "What the hell?" I whispered. I picked up the wine bottle and looked at it. It was Helena's favorite. Kaleb's mom. Great no one told me she was coming to visit today. No one being Kaleb. I'll kill him. I am not decent enough for his mother today.