boyfriends → changlix [✓]

21|LOVE

Changbin,

You probably don't want to hear from me right now. Or ever again.

I just want you to know I'm sorry.

I'm sorry for ruining everything.

I'm sorry for not thinking of the right thing to do.

I'm sorry that I gave you false hope.

I'm sorry I had to leave.

You probably want me far away after what happened recently.

But just please remember; I love you. A lot. A little too much for it to be healthy. I love all and every single part of you.

I love your smile. Your humour. Your voice. Your personality. Your kindness. You.

And I'm sorry.

I'm sorry for loving you so much, that I couldn't even tell you I was leaving.

I know I should have talked to you about it. I should have known that you needed me to talk about it and we needed to communicate.

Like you said a relationship is two people. Who need to talk and come to reason together and not take actions all alone.

I told you I wasn't good at relationships, was that foreshadowing this? That's fucked up universe.

I didn't want anything to like change.

Even though I knew it was going to happen.

A part of me just thought if I left it off and stayed happy, it would just disappear.

But now I see I've made it worse.

I'm writing this a few hours before my flight, I'll put it in with all your stuff.

I wanted to say this all to you in person.

But I'm scared that if I saw your face, then maybe I'd run away from the reality.

The night you said we should break up, I kind of thought it was a nightmare. That it was just the stress of moving back and i was imagining this all.

I woke up and read the text messages again and again.

I hoped you didn't mean it. I hoped that it was joke.

But i also hoped you did mean it. You deserve better. Someone who can be there when you need a hug, someone who can come over and take you on dates whenever you wanted to go on one.

Not someone who lives an ocean away.

But just know that,

No matter how deep and dark the ocean, or how harsh and cold it is, how the big waves might block you- I will always find away to think about you.

I will always find a way to love you.

I've blocked and deleted your Number. I've blocked your social media. I've left all the groupchats and blocked the rest of the group as well.

I hope with me gone, you and Jisung can be friends again. I hope without me you'll all go back to normal.

I hope without me, you'll be happy.

And move on.

From,
Felix.

Is this the end?

17/06/18