The Cost of Freedom Is High

I'm Not Sure About This Whole Baby Thing

For the third time throughout this day I found myself running to the toilet again.

Kuza and Bobby had gotten used to the routine, and this time it was Bobby that was hot on my heels.

The bathroom door was opened, I made a beeline to the toilet, leaned over, and the next thing I knew I was throwing up everything that was in my stomach.

At this point it wasn't too much, but it still wasn't fun.

"Shh, it's okay." Bobby whispered while rubbing my back with one hand, and holding my hair back with the other.

"This fucking sucks." I groaned when I was done, and rested my back up against Bobby.

"Let's go and get you a little bit of something to drink." Bobby said, carefully lifting me up and bringing me back to the kitchen where Kuza was.

I was sat down on one of the stools in front of the island. Kuza gave me a little bit of water slowly so that it didn't come back up again.

Bobby had already been here for a full week, and tonight he was going to leave, leaving Kuza and I alone.

At first I had been freaked out by that thought, but Kuza had proved to me that he was actually a decent guy. We'd had real heart to heart talks about life, and hell we even played games and joked around with each other.

Sure, the thought that he was totally bullshitting me came across my mind, but I had learned that I just had to accept this and be happy with it.

"Feeling better?" Kuza asked, placing a finger underneath my chin.

"Yeah, a little bit. I'm the one who feels bad for you though." I replied.

"Really, and why is that?" Kuza chuckled.

"Because he's leaving, and you have to deal with that all by yourself." I told him.

"I'll manage." Kuza said.

Bobby went back upstairs, grabbed his bags, and took them all outside, packing them in his car.

"So who's replacing him?" I asked Kuza.

"Brandon and Angelo will come by and stay for a day or two next week." Kuza informed me.

"Really, it couldn't have been anyone else?" I whined.

"Oh I can bring in some new people if you want, you just might not be too big of a fan." He warned me.

"Fine."

"Well I should get going." Bobby announced, coming back in from outside.

"Thanks for staying, man." Kuza thanked him with a bit of a bro hug.

"No problem, let me know though if you need any help with anything. If it's bad enough I'll drop everything and come." Bobby told us.

He turned to me with a slight smile and extended his arms.

"Hugs aren't my thing." I stated.

"Oh shut up." Bobby groaned, coming over to me and embracing me in a tight embrace.

"Bye." I said, as he walked back out the door.

"Don't forget, I get one call from Kuza and it's over for you." Bobby threatened.

"I know." I replied.

I moved down and got situated on a chair as Kuza walked Bobby out and was busy re locking everything up.

"Hey did you hear the phone ring?" Kuza asked.

"No, but I was just starting to wonder about that as well." I told him.

Since the first night that the guys had left each night one of the guys would call Kuza, talk to him for a bit, and then talk to me.

Nothing too great conversationally wise went on, it was more of a how are you, what are you up to kind of thing.

Silence filled the air, but that was quickly disturbed by the phone ringing. Kuza and I both jumped. I had to say, watching Kuza get scared was pretty entertaining.

"This is Kuza." He answered.

"Its' for you." Kuza stated, handing me the phone.

"Hello?"

"Well look at who was able to take a break from puking and talk to little 'ole me." Ben exclaimed.

"Really funny Ben." I stated in a sarcastic tone of voice.

"What was that?" Ben asked.

"Really funny, SIR." I hissed.

"No in all seriousness, how are you feeling?" Ben questioned me.

"Well the puking kind of sucks, I wouldn't necessarily categorize it as fun or joyful. I haven't been getting as many sad mood swings as before, but I seem to kind of get like these bursts of energy and excitement." I told him.

"Bella, I'm going to tell you the truth. Based on everyone you've talked to and even feedback from Kuza and Bobby we know something's up. What are you hiding?" Ben inquired.

"Nothing's wrong." I lied.

On the inside I knew what the issue really was. It had popped into my mind a few nights ago, but I didn't have the guts to admit it. I never thought I'd think that, but faced with the situation I was in my mind just kept going back to that.

"Bella, I know you're thinking something, just let me know." Ben pleaded.

"I have to go." I said, throwing the phone back to Kuza, and walking towards the bedroom that we'd been sharing.

I got dressed in my pajamas, and got into bed.

"Bella?" Kuza called, walking down the hallway.

"In here." I replied.

"Okay, you can hung up on Ben, but I'm actually right here. What the hell is going on? You seem fine, but it's like there's one thing that's killing you and you won't admit it." Kuza told me.

"It doesn't matter."

"Yes, it does, Bella. It matters a lot to us." Kuza replied.

"You want the truth?" I questioned him.

Kuza pulled back the blankets, and slipped in next to me, staring into my eyes like he was trying to unlock my secrets.

"Of course." He said.

"I can't. This makes me a shitty person, hell even worse than that." I panicked.

"You're not a shitty person Bella, whatever you're thinking just let me know. It can't be that bad." He figured.

Fine if he wanted the truth, I'd give it to him.

"I don't want to keep the baby."