Not All Blacks Are Black

Chapter Three- Part One

The girl on the right is how I imagine Issa, though you are free to imagine anyone!

I ran out of the party not looking back and thankfully, they could no longer see how weak I was, with all the hot tears falling down my face. I sat on the bench I saw, sighing heavily.

I removed the rubber band from my short brown hair as I face palmed myself, letting my tears fall on my hand. They were right, I didn't fit in, how could I think they would change? I was so foolish to believe that. I kept on crying and soon rain started pouring but I was too scared to get up, too scared that if I did,I would collapse and never resurface so I stayed there, crying with my palms on my face, wishing upon the rain that as it came and went, so will my problems go as it came. Suddenly I didn't feel the rain upon my skin.

I quickly looked up and saw Théo staring at me. I saw for a moment how his eyes softened and then went back to being so hard. He held the umbrella high and raised a brow. I didn't want to get up, I couldn't bear the shame that would follow me and besides, he started all this so is tayed rooted on the bench when i felt his weight on the bench and I turned and found him sitting down, staring at me with a blank face.

"Why did you go?" He sked, his voice softening after we sat in silemce for approximately ten minutes. Why did I even go? "To feel what it feels to be appreciated and loved, to belong" I said honestly and he frowned "Trying to belong is overrated Vosa, no one, I mean, no authentic person tries to belong, they create their own trend, they create their own cool style and even though it is considered weird, they do it. Why? They love it, and people's opinions are just public opinion, which means, they never matter in the end"

"Why?" I asked and he raised a brow "Why what?"  "Why am I here? Holding an umbrella over our heads, speaking to you?" He asked and slowly I nodded. "Its because I believe not all blacks are blacks, at least not you", he said and I felt like I had heard that before but I kept my mouth shut and continued staring st him, no, his blue eyes and it felt like time had stopped and it was  just us two.

I ignored the butterflies in my stomach as he leaned in, me closing my eyes waiting for the kiss but I felt his hot breathe on my neck and shivers ran down my spine as I opened my eyes " Don't let them step all over you Iniovosa, not all blacks are black, prove it" and with that, he he was gone like he never came,but without the umbrella.

I sat still for a while, before leaving, events of the night replaying as I entered my room, and plopped on the bed. I stared at the stars that twinkled brightly and Théo's words sinker inside my head. "Don't let them step all over you Iniovosa, not all blacks are black, prove it" prove it? How? I sighed as I slept over, dreaming of wild things.

"Iniovosa!" I heard Darcey yell as I walked down the stairs, wearing a white long sleeved shirt and grey jeans which I had bought from Nigeria. I had many clothes like this, but I never wore them but as Théo's words sank in, I thee back my pink gown and wore something nicer. I applied light makeup and went downstairs.

"You look beautiful dear!" Aunty Jennifer said smiling and Darcey rolled her eyes "What are you wearing?! You look like a poseur! Have any idea what that even means?!" She snickered and aunty Jennifer galred at her before we went outside together. Darcey held my arm and glared at me "Trying to look tough? I pity you Iniovosa, its the only emotion apart from hatred and disgust, I feel  for you. Whoever gave you this advice hates you. You look like a wreck" she said, her face filled with disgust  as she brushed my shoulders, and walled away, I mean, drove away.

Luckily I didn't have to walk, aunty Jennifer said she would drop me off since she was taking that route and I had not forgotten to grab Théo's umbrella so I could return it. "Thanks aunty" I said as she drove off. I felt my insides shivering as I stared at Pitch High, fear radiating rough me. "Prove it" I inhaled and exhaled, as I smiled and walked inside the school.

I arrived at my locker though not in peace. Some were a little awed and others still said ill things about me. I pulled out my books from my locker and entered my first class, ignoring the glares I got when a note was slipped into my book and I opened it. It read "Your dress doesn't change the sad fact that you are black" I felt tears fill my eyes and soon they dropped on the paper, soaking it with its pain and fear that I had concealed behind my fake smile.

I crumpled the paper as more tears fell down my eyes. It seemed they noticed this and started throwing paper balls on my head, mocking me. "All blacks are still black" the voice kept on ringing inside. I frowned  as they rang the bell for lunch. I made my way towards the cafeteria. I had already bought my food when I felt someone stick out their leg for me and I fell flat on my face, tears filling my eyes and then an outburst of laughter filled my ears and it forced me more tears to drop down my eyes.

I slowly got up, teary faced and feeling pain on my left leg. "Hey Ini, got a gift for you!"a brunette yelled as she poured her spaghetti on my heead and added her youghurt, everyone laughing while I stood there, too shocked to speak. Slowly, I made my way out of the cafeteria, tears in my eyes. I dried my hair after washing it when I heard Théo calling me but I ignored him, he caused all this anyway.

He grabbed my hand and spun me around " Iniovosa!" "Yes?! What? What do you want Théo?!" I yelled, tears falling down my eyes as my body shaked violently "Are you happy?! Aren't you glad that the black girl is getting a taste of her own medicine?! What was it about not all blacks are black?! You are a fake, no, you all are! Thinking you can step over someone just because of a stupid white colour?! What is so fuckimg special about it huh?! Why do we have to be treated with disgust?! Are we that low in your eyes?! You whites are nothing but conceited redundant with no heart, who feel the stupid need to bully a girl because she's black! Arrogant and prideful, that is what you all are! All you will ever be!" I yelled as more tears fell down my eyes.

"Do you know how much it hurts?" I whispered "It hurts right here! In my heart! Its like I am being stabbed several times on a particular spot and no one bother enough to stop the bleeding! I feel so useless, empty and filled with fear and pain! Why? Because I am scared to go to school, to face people who don't appreciate my presence, who feel I am not worth it", I felt myself about to fall

"But I guess you guys are right. I am not wanted and Théo, you don't have to lie to me. All blacks are black, we'll always be. Thanks for making it worse and honestly, I hope you all feel the same among of pain that I am feeling, bit this to!e the pain will be deep in your veins, and it will never get out" I said as I ran away. Away from school, away from everything, away from my life.

I stood on the bar, tears falling down my eyes. 'I suggest she just dies! Blacks will always be black, they are not needed in this world , especially her!' 'What a slut!' 'Serves the bitch right!' 'Bitch! Slut! Loser! Black!' 'If you have any idea how you disgust me, no, us, you would jump down from a bridge and just die!' And that I did, I jumped down, not fighting with the water and it quickly and it freely enveloped me. I closed my eyes as a tear slipped down my eyes. All blacks will always be black.

This chapter feels too overwhelming, and I cannot explain how I sad I feel writing this honestly. She has tried enough, maybe its time to go? Who knows?
Quick question: how do you all cope with the struggles of life as a teen? Share your experiences and achievements lovelies!

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