"We should probably go back to that chapel and get it annulled, right?" Mark's voice sounded shaky and a little bit panicked, which was a voice I had never heard from him before.
"Right," I nodded in agreement.
We got the information and got an Uber to go to the chapel. The car ride there was silent. We both had on hats and sunglasses, just in case the driver recognized Mark. And I didn't want my picture in any more tabloids. It was bad enough that last night was made public. The last thing we needed was new coverage of us going back for an annulment less than 24 hours later.
The driver, trying to break the silence with small talk, asked us what we were going to the chapel for. Mark thought quicker than me and said we were going to pick up wedding pictures for a friend of ours. The driver didn't seem like he cared one way or another.
After we got out of the car and the car was out of sight, we started walking to the front doors of the chapel. But when Mark reached for the handle, I stopped him.
"Wait," I said.
He didn't move his hand, but instead looked back at me. "What?"
"What if we don't get it annulled?" I blurted out.
I couldn't see his eyes through his dark sunglasses, but he kept looking at me with a blank expression on his face. Then he took his hand off of the handle and took a step towards me.
"What are you talking about?"
"Well, I don't know," I sort of shrugged, halfway embarrassed at my suggestion. "We already have a pretty solid relationship. We love each other. Why don't we just stay married?"
He took his sunglasses off now and ran a hand through his hair before placing them on top of his head. He closed his eyes and let out a sigh.
"Wow. Okay, I guess we haven't ever talked about it, but there's something you don't know about me."
My anxiety instantly flared up as I thought of all of the worst possible scenarios. Was he already married? Was he dying of cancer? Was he cheating on me? I restrained from actually voicing any of these worries and I just looked at him, waiting to hear whatever it was.
"I don't...," he hesitated, "believe in marriage."
"What? What do you mean you don't believe in marriage?"
Now he shrugged with his hands held out. "I don't know, I've just never understood it. I've never wanted to get married. I don't ever want to get married."
I couldn't be mad at him because we hadn't been together that long and he was right, we had never talked about it before. But now my embarrassment reached a whole new level. Now it was obvious that I wanted to marry him and he didn't want to marry me. Even though it wasn't exactly rejection, it sure felt like it.
I shook my head, trying to understand his thought process. "But that's what you do when you love someone and want to spend the rest of your life with them. You get married."
"I do love you and I never want to lose you, but I don't have to marry you to tell you that. I just feel like people who get married are insecure and need to be reassured constantly that their relationship will last. It's like they think they've got to prove it to each other and to the rest of the world. I don't need to prove that to anyone. Especially you. You should already know that I want this to last. That's what I've been preaching to you this whole time. Trust."
"You've never thought about seeing your future wife walking down the aisle toward you? Taking vows? Making a beautiful day to always look back on and to tell your future children and grandchildren about?"
"Honestly, no. If two people are honestly happy, they wouldn't feel the need to make a big show out of it. The love is between the two people. It doesn't need to be flaunted in front of a room full of family you never see and strangers you've never met."
"I'm not asking for any of that. And we didn't have that last night. It was just us."
"Eliza, neither of us even remember it."
"Well why don't we just keep it as it is but have a simple little ceremony on the beach or something with just us and our parents that we will remember? It doesn't have to be tomorrow or anything. Just eventually, I mean."
"You're not hearing what I'm saying. I don't want a legal piece of paper that says I'm committed to you. I already am committed to you. What, do you want financial commitment too or something? That guarantees if we ever break up that you get my money or my house?"
"Are you serious? No!"
"Okay, then why do you want to be married? Because you think that's what you're supposed to do? Because that's what society tells you is normal?"
"No, because...this is it for me. I'm sure of it. I've never in my life opened up to anyone or trusted anyone in the way that I do with you. I want to be partners for life. I want to be able to call you my husband."
"How can you be so sure about that when you haven't even slept with anyone else?"
I was taken back by that. "I don't ever want to sleep with anyone else! What, are you saying you want me to or something?"
"No, Eliza. Of course I don't want you to. But you've never experienced anything else outside of me. So how could you be so sure that being legally bound to me for the rest of your life is all you're going to want? Aren't you going to eventually wonder what else is out there?"
"No!" I was getting defensive now.
"There's no way you can know that. Is it selfish of me to tie you down now and not let you ever even think of anyone else besides me?"
"Alright, fine." I gave up and I started walking towards the chapel doors. "You're right. Let's get it annulled."
I opened the door, but he pushed it closed again. "Stop it. Don't turn this into a huge guilt trip for me. If I let you go in there now while you're this angry, you're going to hold a grudge over it for the rest of our relationship."
"This was obviously just a very drunken mistake, and we have two completely different views on marriage. So we can just act like it never happened."
"Eliza...," he trailed off and leaned his back back, closing his eyes, gathering his thoughts and thinking of what to say next. When he looked at me again he said, "Look, I don't want to make you upset. I don't want you to feel rejected or feel like your view doesn't matter. I don't want to do anything to hurt our relationship." He took my hands in his and really studied my face as he asked me, "Do you think we need to get this annulled or not?"
I took a deep breath and let it out. I shook my head, not wanting to look into his eyes and admit he had a valid point about everything. "No, we don't need to be married. I don't need to be reassured of anything and I trust you. I just...want to be married to you."
"And I just want to make you happy. If this is important to you, then it's important to me."
"I don't want you to compromise your beliefs. Your believes are important too. I don't want to feel like I'm forcing you to be married to me if you don't want to."
"I don't do anything I don't want to. Look, let's just leave it how it is for now. If it goes well, we'll have a small 'wedding' for our families sometime in the future. If it doesn't go well, we'll get a divorce. But we won't tell anyone either way until we can come to a compromise, okay? We didn't exactly have time to discuss this. Let's just keep going on like normal for now until this tour is over and we're settled back down at home. Deal?"
