Luckily I didn't get sick. When we got back to his friend's house I immediately curled up on the couch and Mark brought me a bottle of water and two pieces of bread.
"Eat. Soak up the alcohol. Settle your stomach."
He sat by me and it was quiet while I ate the bread and sipped the water. When I was done I cleared my throat and said softly, "I lied to you."
"Yeah, I got that. Any particular reason?"
I shrugged and stared at the floor. "I had to do something to distance myself from you. Because I obviously can't control myself around you. We would have just kept sneaking around and sleeping together."
"Alright," he sighed. "That kinda makes sense. You're with Ben."
I shook my head, "No, not anymore." I looked over at Mark, "I told him I slept with you."
He looked ashamed. "Deal breaker?"
"Well, yeah, but it wasn't just that. He said I wasn't happy with him. That we didn't have the connection that you and I have."
His eyebrows raised a little in surprise. "Me? I'm the reason your relationship ended?"
"Not exactly YOU...I just...I couldn't move forward with him. I didn't want to. I mean, he's great, but I just never got to that level with him." I felt tears welling up and I rolled my eyes, knowing I was about to start crying. "I was leading him on. I kinda knew early on that I didn't connect with him that deep, but I just stuck around anyway, waiting to get that feeling. I hurt him."
He scooted over next to me and put his arm around my shoulders. He pulled me up against him so that my head was resting on his shoulder. "I'm sorry. I wish it hadn't turned out that way for you. He'll be okay though. You'll be okay too."
I wiped my tears away from my cheeks with the back of my hand. He leaned forward and grabbed the box of Kleenex off of the coffee table for me. "What if I never get to that level with anyone else? What if I'm incapable? I mean, what am I supposed to do, just fake it and force myself to push through? That's so wrong to do to another person."
He hesitated before answering, "Liza, I'm probably not the best person to give you advice in this situation considering..." he trailed off.
I didn't answer, just nodded blankly. I didn't really want to talk anymore. I was worn out, mentally. I just closed my eyes and took some breaths and tried to calm myself down. I felt my eyes start to get heavy and hard to keep open. I sat up and scooted away from him.
"Alright, can you use your phone to call an Uber for me? I need to get home, I'm about to fall asleep."
He looked at the time on his phone. "It's really late. You're already here, why don't you just crash? There are plenty of rooms. I won't bother you and in the morning I'll take you to get your phone fixed and then back home, is that alright?"
"Really? You don't have to do that."
"Sure," he said easily and with a smile.
Before I could even form another thought, I had reached over to put my hand on the back of his neck and pull his face to mine. I was kissing him desperately and moving to sit on his lap. I don't know why. Maybe it was the alcohol. Maybe it was because I was sad about Ben. Maybe it was because I was just thankful that he was being so nice to me. Maybe a combination of all three.
But I was still crying. The tears wouldn't stop. Mark pulled away from me. "Hey, do you want to talk more about it?"
I shook my head quickly, "No. I don't want to talk about anything." I leaned back in to start kissing him again.
He pulled away again. "Sweetheart, I'd love to keep kissing you right now, but I'm not going to when you're crying."
"I'm fine," I tried to brush it off.
He shifted so I moved off of his lap. "Absolutely not. I can't exactly get in the mood when you're clearly upset." He stood up and offered me his hand. "C'mon, you need to get rest."
I let him lead me to one of the bedrooms. He asked me if I needed anything before I went to sleep and I told him no. But before he could turn to leave the room, I reached out to touch the side of his neck and face. I brushed my thumb over the stubble on his jaw and smiled.
"What?" He laughed.
"Thanks, Mark. You're so...beautiful. Really."
He tensed and straightened up. He was looking down into my eyes, his moving back and forth as they studied mine. He reached up and put one of his hands on my wrist and then turned his head to the side to kiss the palm of my hand that was still on his face. I closed my eyes and enjoyed the sensation and the butterflies it gave me.
While I was still floating, he brought my hand down and kept it held in his as he stepped behind me. He let go of my hand and carefully gathered all of my hair and moved it to one side. He started rubbing my shoulders as he kissed the exposed side of my neck and shoulder. He took his time getting to my zipper to pull it down and then running his hands underneath the fabric of my dress to slide it off of my shoulders and arms.
I let the dress drop down to my feet and I stepped out of it before turning around to face him. He just watched me as I unbuttoned his shirt and then his pants, undoing his belt as well. I helped him shrug his shirt off and step out of his pants while he reached behind me to unclasp my bra. Once I had nothing but my panties on, he took half a step back from me to look at me. And then he reached a hand out and gently trailed it over my ribs and stomach, giving me goosebumps.
"You're so beautiful," he said in a whisper.
I put my hands on his bare chest and backed him up towards the bed. He laid down and I crawled on top of him. My hand went straight for his boxers to push them down and then grab him. I moved my hand up and down only a few times before focusing on getting my own underwear off. But he reached down and took my hand out of his boxers and brought it up to his mouth. He kissed my palm again.
"Easy," he said softly. "There's no rush."
I leaned down to kiss him. And then I asked, "What about your girlfriend? We can't start this again."
He shook his head slightly. "I haven't had a girlfriend since the last time I saw you. All I think about is you." He leaned up, propping himself up with one elbow and cupped my face with his other hand. "I love you. Now just as much as before."
"I stopped crying," I smiled.
He laughed and sat up a little bit more to get his boxers and my underwear off. Then he moved me so I was right above him and he could guide himself into me. We both let out a breath and a moan. We both moved slow, drawing out every movement. This was different. Emotional. Making love.
I gripped his shoulders tight and rested my head against his as I felt an orgasm building up inside of me. He turned his head to find my neck and started kissing as the wave washed over me and I yelled out, my mouth right next to his ear. My whole body shook on top of him. I barely had any time to catch my breath before he wrapped me tightly against him, holding on to me and burying his face in my shoulder as he came.
I cradled his head against my shoulder and gently ran my fingers through his hair and kissed his head as he caught his breath. He caught me off guard by suddenly turning and flopping me onto my back and I squealed. He re-positioned himself so he was laying on his side up against me, his legs tangling up with mine. He smiled big and leaned down to kiss me.
He had snuggled up against me and was slowly tracing his fingertips across my collarbones and chest and it fell quiet. After a while, he broke the silence. "Are you going to regret this in the morning?"
I looked over at him. "I don't know," I said honestly.
