Better Love || A Bucky Barnes Fanfiction

- Sting -

He couldn't sleep. 

As the evening closed in and brought with it rumbling clouds and heavy rain, Bucky could not bring himself to sleep. He lay in bed staring at the ceiling above, noticing that the brush strokes were actually quite terrible and that some patches were lighter than others and the brusing around Elena's neck had patches of colour to it as well and he could not stop thinking about her. Scratch that. He could not stop worrying about her, because at least when he was thinking about her they were always happier thoughts, like how she hummed as she worked or how her favourite time of the day is between the hours of 7am to 9am when the world is beginning to come alive. Thinking about her was better than worrying, and he had never had to worry about her before. He thought she was okay. He thought she was safe.

Every time he closed his eyes he could only see those bruises. He was familiar with bruises. He had both given and recieved them as freely as gifts. However, they were not the kind of gift that he ever wanted Elena to recieve. Thinking about the person who had been hurting her made Bucky's blood boil, a darkness sweeping over his mind that he had to constantly push back. It was a slippery slope back into that mindset, one he had fought tooth and nail to conquer. But she was hurting. She was his friend and she was hurting. 

With a frown Bucky sat up, throwing his legs out of bed and rubbing his face with both hands. Friend. He thought of her as a friend, and that in itself was another worry that was beginning to knaw at his mind. He wanted to help her, to protect her from the monster that was hurting her, but he knew the implications that could come with him getting too close to her. While he had been free of them for over a month now, Bucky knew that HYDRA was still out there somewhere. If they found him and realized how he felt about Elena, she would be too close to danger. He couldn't let himself get too close, and while he didn't want to admit it, protecting her from her abuser was getting too close. But he couldn't ignore the bruises. He couldn't ignore her pain, even if she ignored it herself. 

Walking over to the window Bucky peered outside into the street. It looked as though the world outside had been submerged, the street a swirling pattern of water, rubbish, and leaves. Swallowing, he opened the window, the fierce noise of the storm instantly filling his room. Ducking under the opened window, Bucky stepped out onto the balcony and stood with his face turned up towards the sky. The rain felt like sharp slaps against his skin but he did not care. Cleanse, he thought, his hair sticking to his face. Take these worries away. She said she was okay. Don't go meddling in things that don't concern you. But not even the rain could wash those thoughts away. With a sigh Bucky lowered his head, leaning against the railing in front of him. The rain would not cleanse him tonight. Instead it would show him the truth which was this: He had to meddle. He had to get close. He had to become something he didn't think was possible, something he did not see himself as. Looking out into the street Bucky swallowed, clenching the railing so tight it left a dent. 

"Rebirth," he murmured under his breath, the word strange in his mouth. After a few minutes mulling over these thoughts the rain began to slow until eventually it stopped, drops of water dripping off the end of his hair. Baptism over, he thought as he began to climb back into his room. The attacker is dead. Let the protector take its place. For her. For her.

//

"Elena-"

"I can't talk, Bucky. I'm much too busy."

She had been acting like this since he had come into the library. She had been too busy to see him when he had stopped at her desk. She had been too busy to talk to him around the bookshelves. She had even been too busy to look him in the eyes, something that he couldn't help but feel a little hurt by. Yesterday she had been so comfortable around him, now she was like some kind of flighty animal, always jumping in his presence. It was an action that made him think about the fear people emitted when he was the Winter Soldier, but even then they had looked at him with terror in their eyes. She never even glanced at his face.