Better Love || A Bucky Barnes Fanfiction

- Seattle Rain -

Winter, it seemed, had not yet learned to let go. While it was officially Spring in America, the colour pallet of nature had not been revived just yet. Everything was grey and the city of Seattle was living in a constant state of showers. It's how it had been since he had arrived, there was no escaping it unless a person had a car to hide in, a shop to duck in to, a home to seek shelter until it passed. He had none of those things. Rain clung to dark strands of his hair, falling in small droplets onto the wharf below and turning it into a liquid mirror. He thought he caught his gaze staring back at him and with a frown he began to walk once more, the shallow water rippling with his every step. He followed the wharf back to the shoreline, turning his back on the grey water that stretched away from land. It was too much for him to bare. 

Since the day he had pulled Captain America from the water of the Triskelion all those months ago, Bucky Barnes had turned into a wanderer. He didn't spend too long in Washington, only stopping by the Smithsonian to find the foundation of his past. Since then he had jumped from place to place using every trick in the book to avoid detection: fake identities, stealing, hiding, creating false trails, everything. He didn't want to be found at the moment. He wanted to do the finding himself. 

So far he had done well. He knew his full name - James Buchanan Barnes, Bucky for short. He knew that he was born on the 10th of March, 1917, almost a hundred years ago now. He had also discovered little stories about the man he had saved. Steven Grant "Steve" Rogers had been his best friend, the pair having grown up together. Apparently he used to look out for Steve who was prone to being bullied before he underwent Project Rebirth. In truth, Bucky couldn't remember any of that, but that face was one that never left his mind. Not the one he had left at the Triskelion. A younger version, softer, one that hadn't seen the things this older Steve had. It made Bucky feel strangely protective of the man. 

But he didn't trust him. Not yet.

After months of traveling across the country, Bucky had ended up in Seattle. The things he did were never planned - his sporadic behaviour made him feel safer in case his old employers were looking for him - so when he realized that he had come to the edge of the west coast he suddenly realized that he would either have to start heading in a new direction, or actually make something of himself. At the moment, he was unsure as to what path he wished to take. Sitting at a bench by himself, Bucky looked across at the water in front of him that stretched and blended into the grey sky beyond, feeling the rain wash down his face.

He wouldn't say he was one for symbolism, but he wouldn't deny the feeling of freedom and rebirth that water gave him. He still remembered how it felt emerging from the Potomac river with the unconscious Steve in one arm, confused as to why he was saving the man only minutes earlier he had been trying to kill, exhausted and in pain from their previous fight, but overall as free as he had ever felt in his life. Now whenever it rained he allowed himself to stand outside and let it wash over him, let it revive him and give him the strength to carry on.

And Seattle is known for its rain. With furrowed eyebrows Bucky let this thought wash over him just as the rain continued to do so. Two paths he allowed himself to think on: to stay or to go. The longest he had ever stayed in a place so far had been a month, then after that he had began to grow paranoid and had quickly disappeared once more. Living life like a ghost was something he had grown used to, but the more he began picking up the pieces of his old life, the more he began to feel this tug in his heart. He was growing tired. He didn't want to run anymore. The waters made him want to start again and actually commit to it. The waters gave him hope for something more. The fear still lingered, though. He didn't want to be found and he knew that he was taking a gamble by choosing to start a new life here. It would be better for him to disappear halfway around the world to escape his previous employers. The thought made him frown, though. In the back of his head a small voice whispered, but America is your home. 

He had fought for the country once. He had died for it. But he knew the stories that were told about The Winter Soldier, that machine of a man that still plagued him night and day. That thing had been a terrorist, had worked for a group of people who had once tried to bomb away part of the country. They would have succeeded, too, had it not been for Captain America. Everything that The Winter Soldier had done made him an outsider. Swallowing down the thoughts Bucky clenched his metal fist, closing his eyes. Not even the rain could cleanse him of his past sins, but it brought him a promise of hope he hadn't tasted in a long time.

Shaking his head Bucky stood up and began to walk. The decision was one that he didn't think he was ready to make yet. He had only been in Seattle for two days now and already he knew this was a city that didn't change much. That wasn't a necessarily boring thing for a man like him, but he wondered if his presence in the city would change it somehow. Was he too different to be living in a city like this? And even if he did decide to live there permanently, what would he do? Then again, what would he do anywhere else in the world? Bucky was finding it difficult to find a place to begin, the thoughts eating away at his already damaged mind. However, it all settled when he eventually stumbled upon a building he hadn't yet explored. 

A criss-crossing puzzle of metal and glass, the building was one that Bucky wasn't sure of. The architecture threw him off a little: there were too many corners, too many sharp lines, too many diamond glass shards decorating the building. At the same time, though, he found it quite compelling and strangely beautiful, despite the fact that it only reflected the greyness of the outdoors. Walking closer, Bucky realized that the building wasn't some kind of strange, modern day business, but a library. Bucky stared at the building, nibbling away at a thought in his mind. He was still searching for himself in the pages of history, the only way he knew how to discover his past. He was not nearly finished with this search, so why stop now that his mind had entered a crossroads when it came to making a certain decision?

Fuck it, he thought, beginning to walk up to the large library. Time to compromise. Spend a month focusing on your past and continuing to build up that life profile, and if you still feel safe living here, start again. Let The Winter Soldier die and start again. 

The rain followed him until he disappeared under the cover of an arch, but he still felt that hope seeping into his bones. He held onto it as he stepped inside the library.

a/n: And the fic begins, featuring soft angel Bucky Barnes and - eventually - the introduction of another equally soft angel that you'll meet... in the next chapter :) 
xoxo
~DM

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