mi amor | jungkook AU

xix

day one

i spent the day watching my phone. texts from hoseok, namjoon, and jin came up. they asked if i was okay and i didn't respond. if jungkook had heard the conversation, i wouldn't know. i didn't bother to check if he was there. if he wasn't, i have no doubt the boys would've told him.

day two

nya tried coming over today, but i played it off like i wasn't home. my parents left early in the morning and came late at night. it was okay, though. i didn't want them to see me so sad. i didn't want to bother with them either.

day three

the texts from the boys still came. the only ones who didn't bother to contact me was jungkook and yoongi. i didn't bother reading the messages. nya asked if i was okay and why i wasn't home. i lied and said i was busy running errands for my parents for a few days. she left me alone after.

day four

i scrolled through my phone, waiting for yoongi to message me. he didn't. i finally messaged him then went back to watching tv and eating. he never responded. i wasn't sure if i should've messaged jungkook either. i decided not to... not for a while, at least.

day five

frustrated, i went to the gym as lowkey as i could. no one, that i knew, saw me. i messaged yoongi again. no response.

day six

i was getting tired of waiting for yoongi to message me. i was getting tired of the boys asking how i was. i was getting tired of being sad. i didn't bother to message him today.

day seven

i messaged yoongi, and i waited. when he didn't respond in an hour, i messaged again. and again and again and again. i called him. i called him many times. and when i was tired of calling him i checked his location and tracked him down. if it hadn't had worked, i would've called one of the boys to ask where he was.

i went to where he was, and when i found him i ran to him. i grabbed hold of his wrist, still running, and dragged him to a corner to talk. i shoved him to the wall. i was frustrated. angry. sad. i missed him. he stared at me, a little bit surprised, but we didn't talk. we just stared at each other. 

"we're going to talk now." i tell him. he doesn't move so i continue, "and we're going to sort this out. i don't know how, but we are because i miss my best friend from our child years when we fucked shit up. i know having sex probably really messed you up and i'm so sorry, but i already liked you, yoongi. those feelings aren't coming back from me. i loved you a long time ago, and now it's your turn to get over these feelings. would it have been nice to date then? yeah. it would've, but i've moved on. i've moved on."

all he does is listen. the emotion seeping from his eyes tell me enough to know he's listening. i keep talking, "i want my friend back, yoongi. i want the friend i had back when we didn't care about dating. i know it's not easy to ask of you, but i'm telling you that this is what i want. and i'm sorry it isn't easy to ask for me to love you back the way you love me. but this is how it is right now... and i want us to work through it because i know we can."

we were outside, but the air felt suffocating. our stare was being intense and emotional. yoongi searches my eyes and i don't know what to do but watch his eyes move. it happens quickly. he puts a hand to my cheek and leans in. everything processes slowly.

we're kissing. yoongi is kissing me.

i close my eyes to see if anything would change. was that wrong? yes, but i needed to know if i really thought of yoongi as a friend. i pushed away when memories come into my mind, "i can't... i can't, yoongi." i don't bring myself to look him in the eyes. i feel bad enough for allowing myself to kiss him for long. i close my eyes again and the memories come back.

i'm back in the hotel with jungkook, and instead of the phone ringing, we kiss. the could've been memory repeats itself.

i look back at yoongi who's looking at the sky. "i'm sorry," i tell him, "i'm so sorry..." from looking up to me, he smiles. he shakes his head a little and chuckles, "i... i think i'll be fine." i felt a little bit relieved, but i was also a little confused, "you will?"

he nodded, "i still like you, but... the kiss... it felt wrong. i think we'll be fine." my heart feels lighter, "we'll be fine?" he nods again and repeats the sentence with reassurance. i smile a little and so does he. "you should message jungkook." he tells me. once again, i'm confused. "he doesn't seem to be feeling well since our argument." he explains. i nod and quickly message jungkook.

"go home, amor. we'll be fine... we... let's not talk for a while okay? please focus on jungkook. you can still come around the house, but don't pay as much attention to me anymore. the space between us will be good for us... for me." i get sad at his favor. i search in his eyes to see if he means it. he does.

"okay..." were my finally words before i left. when the distance felt far enough from him, i look back. he's looking back at me and he's encouraging me to leave. i go to my car and take a well-needed deep breath. everything is so dramatic. much more dramatic than it should feel or be. i take one more, well-needed, breath in and out.

one notification from jungkook.