The Heartbreaker [DISCONTINUED] || S.M.

Chapter 1 || "A Dark and Depressing Place"

It takes me a minute to figure out where I am the next morning. The sound of a foreign alarm wakes me up, and it isn't until I feel the bed shift under me and feel a pair of arms wrap around me that I remember I'm in Xavier's room.

"Morning." he mumbles, his voice gruff and scratchy from just having woken up.

"Hi." I say, sitting up. I grab my glasses and put them on, handing Xavier his own. I stare at the blanket draped over me, picking at the frayed ends.

"You sleep fine? Sorry if my snoring was loud." he apologizes, sitting up and stretching.

"No, you were fine." I say, which is the truth. I slept like shit, but it certainly wasn't from Xavier snoring.

Truth be told, I didn't even register it. I was up half the night on my own, my stomach in knots and constantly fighting back the urge to throw up while crying silently to myself. The whole night, I wanted nothing more than to be in Shawn's bed sleeping next to him. But that's never going to happen now. Shawn made it pretty clear last night that he hates me, and frankly, I hate him too.

How do you hate someone so much but still love them more than anything in the world at the same time?

"Are you going to go to your classes today?" Xavier asks, walking over to his closet to get changed. He puts on a pair of gray sweatpants and pulls a black hoodie on over his head.

"Yeah, I have to. I already missed all of them yesterday and I can't afford to repeat that again today."

I stand up, adjusting the sweatshirt I have on. I grab my phone and slide it in the pocket, walking over to my still-damp shoes and sliding them on. I go to pick up my wet clothes, but Xavier stops me.

"Don't worry, I can wash them for you." he says. I look over.

"Are you sure? You don't have to."

"I know, but I want to." he says, and when I still don't budge, he adds in, "Helaina. Seriously, it's fine."

I nod, handing him the clothes so that he can put them in his hamper. I grab my purse off of the ground, sliding it onto my shoulder. I stand there, shifting from foot to foot, hoping that Xavier will address me. When he doesn't, I awkwardly clear my throat.

"Um, well," I begin, Xavier looking over at me. "I should probably get back to my dorm room and get ready for class. Can't let the world know what happened."

Xavier smiles and I try to return the gesture, smiling small back at him, but it just makes me realize how truly sad and broken I am inside. I stop.

"Thanks for letting me stay here. You can text me and I'll drop off your clothes whenever." I start heading for the door.

"No, don't worry. I can stop by your dorm and grab them. I don't want you to have to come all the way back over here." he insists. I nod wordlessly, fearing that if I open my mouth to speak, I'll lose all control and begin bawling my eyes out. Instead, I just wave a little and head out the door.

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Nearly two hours later, after forcing myself to take what little energy I have and using it to shower, get dressed into my own pair of sweats and a hoodie, and I finally lug myself to class. I manage to get there with a few minutes to spare, sliding into the lecture hall for what I know will be a torturous hour. I try to remain optimistic that maybe being in class will help take my mind off of how undeniably depressed I'm becoming over my breakup with Shawn, but I know this isn't the case. If anything, this hour will just be more time for my brain to think and allow for my thoughts to wonder to a dark and depressing place.