Count On Me

A New Place, A New Name

MONDAY, AUGUST 25, 2014 | 12:20 PM | TRIS

I walk through the crowded halls beside Madison, following her lead. Uriah and I only have two classes together, but his friend Madison is most of the others. I am grateful for that; this school is huge and so confusing that the building that most of my classes are in has been dubbed "The Maze." It's hard to imagine that I will ever find my way around.

But it's worth it. Uriah has not told his friends the details about how we met; they don't know about my mother. If I were back at Erudite Prep, I would have gone crazy already from the constant looks of pity from my friends. But here at Roth High, I am anonymous. No one knows my story. The friends I met cliff diving a few weeks ago struggled to even remember my name, so here, I am only known as Tris.

A new place, a new name. I can be remade here.

We enter the main hangout of the school campus; the students here call it 'The Hub.' It is a big open space in a central area of the school, between the two main buildings, with big floor-to-ceiling windows making up one wall and letting in plenty of natural light, and it is filled with large round tables, nearly all of them packed full of students. At one end there is a food counter that sells snack foods like nachos, giant soft pretzels, and special treats like cake. There is also a cafeteria somewhere else in the school, but I haven't seen it yet. It doesn't matter―I brought a sack lunch with me.

My eyes dart around the big room, searching for my friend, my lifeline. "Looking for your boy toy?" Madison teases me.

I elbow her in the arm; she's as bad as Caleb. He had plenty to say about my friendship with Uriah before he left back to Boston yesterday. I told him, in no uncertain terms, to mind his own business.

"He's not my 'boy toy,'" I protest. "We're just friends."

"Sure you are," she snickers.

I just shake my head and ignore her, because I have spotted Uriah at the far side of the Hub. Really, he has spotted me first― I found him across the crowded room when I saw his brown eyes locked on me and his hands waving in the air to catch my attention. I smile at him and wave, and he lets his hands drop and grins back at me before sitting down again with his friends.

The same friends I met when we went cliff jumping are here―Kenny, a lanky boy with dark hair and glasses who towers over even Uriah; Jack, a boy of average height with shaggy, reddish-blond hair who wears a leather jacket and a boyish grin; and, of course, Madison. There are some new faces, too. There is Madison's sister, Rita, who is a year younger than we are and looks a lot like Madison―the same light brown hair and green eyes―except that she is a few inches shorter and seems to be a lot quieter. To her right is Gabe, a tall, broad boy with black hair and a Superman t-shirt. They've all been friendly, but I don't feel a part of the group yet. Maybe I will in time.

As I approach the table I see that Uriah is making Gabe scoot over a seat to make room for me next to him. I gladly slide into the plastic chair, which Uriah has casually slung his arm over the back of. My stomach twists, and I can't tell if it is a good feeling or a bad one. Maybe all these comments from everyone about my friendship with Uriah are getting to my head. I can't deny that Uriah is cute―very cute―but I'm not over Tobias, not yet. The thought brings back the dream I had about him last night, the way his hands felt on my skin, the way I couldn't even think straight with his lips against my neck.

The frustration, anger and heartbreak that flooded through me when I woke alone in the dark of my room and realized that he was still gone.

Uriah grins and shakes his head. "I still can't get used to the new 'do," he chuckles, brushing the palm of his hand along the freshly-cut ends of my chin-length hair. He was the first to see it, of course―he came over after the hospital's visiting hours ended the night of Mom's funeral, and I visited his dad with him yesterday afternoon.

"You don't like it?" I ask, feeling a little disappointed.

"You're putting words in my mouth! Of course I like it."

"That, or he knows better than to ever put down a girl's hair," Gabe teases.

"I wouldn't lie about it. It's just different, Tris," he insists, emphasizing my new name. "Good different."

"Thanks," I say. "I like it, too." I'm still a little startled when I look in the mirror, but I think the shorter hair suits me. Or, at least, it suits the new me―it suits Tris.

I open my brown paper lunch bag and start to nibble on my apple, and Uriah takes his arm from the back of my chair so he can use both hands to open a package of Ding-Dongs.

"So," Madison says, "I heard that there's going to be an epic party this weekend. Bonfire down at the beach. Who's in?" Jack, Kenny and Gabe enthusiastically agree and Rita smiles and shrugs.

I glance at Uriah, meeting his eyes for a moment, looking for his answer.

"Maybe," Uriah says. "It just... depends." All his friends give him that horrible pity look. He looks at me again. "You should go either way, though, Tris."

Part of me doesn't want to do anything but sit at home and mourn my mother; another part of me does want to go...leave everything behind, like I did that first night that I adopted the name Tris. But it depends on how Jacob is doing. Uriah has been and continues to be there for me. Anything could happen this week. I want him to be able to count on me the same way I can count on him.

"We'll see," I say, reaching under the table to give his hand a light squeeze.

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WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 27, 2014 | 3:20 PM

I don't tell Uriah, but I am relieved that today I don't have to visit his father in the hospital. I've always hated hospitals, but now it is the place of my nightmares―the place where I watched my mother die.

While Uriah and I were at school today, Jacob was moved back home. A hospice care nurse will frequently visit to attend to his medical needs, even though Hana is a nurse herself. This way, she can focus on spending time with her husband in the days before he passes, rather than attending to his medical care. It will add to the debt that has already grown to an amount that Hana may never finish paying off, but they, as a family, decided that he should be comfortable, at home, as he lives out his last days. I don't know whether to wish my parents had chosen the same for Mom, or relieved that they didn't. I don't know if I could stand to be faced every day with the room where she died.

I walk up to the front door with Uriah, but he stops on the last step and closes his eyes instead of going in. I turn away from the door and walk back to him. Even standing a step above him, I am still shorter than Uriah, but not by much. I wrap my arms around him and feel him hug me back, his nose buried in my hair.

"Hospice," he sighs. "You know what this means."

I just nod, I do know what it means. It means it's almost over. It means that Jacob, though he fought longer and harder than most, has finally completely given up hope, and he is accepting death. It means that his life will soon end―it could be weeks, but we both know, from what the doctors have said, that Jacob probably doesn't have that long. It may only be days.

It means that Uriah is almost out of time with his father.

I draw circles on his back with my fingers and I feel the tension in his muscles relax under my gentle touch.

"Do you want me to stay? Or would you rather have some time alone with him?" I ask. "Dad is on another business trip, I think he'll be gone a while. I can be here with you guys as much or as little as you want, Uri."

He sighs into my shoulder.

"Stay with me," he whispers.

"Okay," I whisper back.

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Thank you all so much for the votes!  And if you want to leave comments, that would be really cool of you too.  :)  So, I know this story has been pretty sad so far.  But we're almost through that part of the story, so hold on.  Maybe we'll even hear from Tobias soon.  ;)