tellonym • luwoo

066.

donghyuck cautiously makes his way back up mark's street, nerves fluttering around his stomach. normally he isn't a very anxious person but something about talking to mark about his feelings terrifies him.

ultimately, he's prepared for rejection. mark has never done anything to suggest he's anything other than straight— in fact, quite the opposite. he's like an advocate for his heterosexuality; anytime anyone even mentions otherwise, they are shut down immediately.

he knows he might have ruined the complicated friendship they had. hell, could be even call it a friendship? mark hates him, he makes it abundantly clear everytime someone mentions them together. donghyuck always counterattacked, but it was purely out of defence. he could never hate mark, not even if he tried.

and god, has he tried.

donghyuck knows mark's street very well, after the many times he's gone over. mark's apartment is rather close to the college the two attend, which makes it an easy walk from the younger's dorm.

he decides to take the stairs on his way up. he tries to tell himself it's because he's healthy, but in the back of his head he knows it's because confronting mark is the last thing he wants to do so he wants to put it off for as long as he can.

perhaps he could just throw himself down the stairs, be concussed, and pretend to forget this ever happened.

"stupid," he mutters under his breath. that would hurt, and if there's one thing donghyuck despises, it's pain.

his arrival at mark's door comes far too quickly. he stands still for a moment, questioning whether kissing mark was actually worth all the chaos in his brain.

he doesn't get a chance to decide before the door swung open in front of him. mark gazes at him, the corners of his lips tilted upwards.

"you weren't knocking," he explains.

"you were watching me?" donghyuck scoffs.

"don't act like you wouldn't do the same, kid. come in," he moves slightly out of the way so that the awkward other can enter.

donghyuck isn't sure what to do, what to say. "mark."

"don't talk."

"but—"

"donghyuck, shut up for a minute."

"no, i have to—"

he's cut off by a pair of full lips pressed firmly against his own. fireworks go off in his mind as mark, donghyuck's supposedly straight friend who hates him intensely, winds his arms around his waist and pulls him closer.

maybe, just maybe, he should have shut up sooner.

mark pulls away but rests his forehead against donghyucks, breathing deeply.

"you're so annoying," donghyuck murmurs, looking deep into mark's eyes. "never let me speak."

mark laughs breathlessly before reconnecting their lips.

donghyuck twists his fingers in mark's hair, holding him close. kissing him makes donghyuck feel weightless, like nothing could ever keep him down again. there's no one in the world except for them, nothing but him and mark.

kissing mark is paradise.

"we have to talk," mark whispers, pecking donghyuck one last time before completely moving away.

"told you you weren't straight," donghyuck giggles, earning a fierce eye-roll from his canadian friend.

friend? is that all they were after that kiss?

"donghyuck."

"mark."

"tell me how you feel. please," mark asks, fiddling with his hands.

"i like you a lot. i've liked you for three years and for the longest time i tried to hate you for it. how dare you make my heart flutter every time you smile or look at me or say my name," donghyuck smiles. "but i realized that no matter how hard i tried or how much you don't like me, i will never be able to hate you."

"how did you know i didn't like you though?" mark smirks slightly.

"because you hated me just as much as i pretended to hate you," donghyuck admits. "because you were disgusted by the idea of us being anything more, of you maybe not being straight."

mark sighs. "you have to understand, hyuck, the way i was raised being gay wasn't okay. yes, i realized that there was nothing wrong but the idea of me being gay was unthought of."

"doesn't mean it didn't hurt," donghyuck murmurs.

"i know. i knew i was hurting you too, and that hurt me because i liked you so much. i just wasn't ready to confront those feelings," mark confesses.

donghyuck nods, smiling half-heartedly, making it obvious to his friend just how understanding he is trying to be. mark places a hand on his cheek, stroking it comfortingly.. "but i did it, right?"

the younger nods slowly and places his lips back on mark's. he leans into the kiss and, although mark is only slightly taller, he feels so small and protected in his embrace. they fit together perfectly, like two puzzle pieces that were meant to be together.

being with mark feels like perfection. it feels right, like this is where he was destined to be all his life. and when mark smiles against his lips, he knows it's not just him.

are they perfect? not at all. having grown used to hating each other, or at least pretending to, this is a drastic change that is going to take a while to get used to. mark has yet to come out which already puts a strain on whatever they are.

donghyuck choses to ignore the thought and tries his best to focus on the magnificent sensation of kissing mark lee.

they are far from perfect. like, really far. but, god, are they beautiful. two contrasting souls coming together to become a whole, it's perfect in the most flawed way and all he can think about is just how amazing that is.

~
why do people read my stories, i'm so fucking bad at writing honestly i should just delete my account. i've barely improved and i'm still not where i want to be and that's so frustrating. why am i even still writing if i'm not growing as a writer, like what's the point?

anyway, other than me wanting to delete my account, today is my 1 year with BTS!

i'm hoping the day will get better but honestly i'm feeling really down about myself and my creative abilities which really sucks.