Big Bangs, Prohibition, and a Sugar Daddy

From Attempted Seduction to Dinner

Luke startled me when he wrapped his arms around my waist. I hadn't even heard him come into the room. "That was taken in 1918. Robert O'Brien is the man in the pilot's uniform. The man in the middle is me, in the Infantry uniform. The man in the French pilot's uniform is Lucas Thane."

I hadn't noticed the differences in the uniforms until Luke had pointed it out. "Was he one of the Americans that were trained by the French. Is that why he is in a French uniform."

"He is." Luke nuzzled my neck.

"Stop that. It's improper." I always felt this warmth when he touched me. As though I had a fever.

"I thought my little animal came into my room to find me." Luke said.

My breath quickened. "I am not an animal." I turned in his arms to face Luke. "I didn't even know this was your room, until I walked in."

"So, if you knew this was my room, why did you stay." Luke pulled me to him. He kissed me.

I pushed against Luke's chest. A feeble act of resistance. I felt weak in his arms, that fever rising more. I don't know why he does this to me. As I pushed, I noticed how firm the muscles in his chest were. Solid. My hands rested against Luke's chest. No longer trying to push away.

"You shouldn't---do that. You---know what---I am." I was having trouble speaking. It was as if the kiss took my breath away.

"I've told you. I don't care about that. I want you the way a man wants a woman. I want you because of what you are." Luke kissed me more deeply.

It is difficult to object in the middle of a kiss. "I---I---I can't. It's not---not right." I needed to pull away Luke's embrace. I couldn't. Not because I was trapped in Luke's strong arms. I wanted to be in his arms. Wanted to be kissed. "Please."

Luke laughed and released me. I felt myself fall forward a moment, then caught myself. I ran from Luke's room. His laughter followed me. I had felt the heat inside of me rise even more. I ran into my room next to Luke's, threw myself on the bed, and cried.

I was afraid. Not that Luke would ravish me. I was afraid because of what it would mean if I let Luke do what he wanted. Would God hate me? My Mother would die from the shock if she found out. It would make me homosexual. Sodomy was a sin. I couldn't let Luke do that to me. Besides, it would hurt. It had to hurt, it was unnatural. I shivered. I wanted it.

I sat in my room for a little while. My thoughts whirling. God. Sin. Mother. Homosexuality. Sodomy. Unnatural. How it had to hurt. Curious. What would it be like? Did God even exist? If God didn't exist, neither did sin, so was that so bad. No one would really know if I did engage in sodomy, homosexuality. Luke said it wasn't unnatural.

I wanted to be touched. I wanted to kiss. Did I want sex? To have sex similar to the way a woman does. Would it be so bad? Would Luke realize what he was doing later? Find me disgusting after? Would I be disgusted with myself for what I did? Disgusted with Luke for doing it? What if Mother did find out, if it didn't kill her outright, would she still love me? All of this went through my head.

There was a timid knock on my door. "Miss Ellen. Mr. Mason wishes that you come downstairs and dine with him." It was Clara's voice.

I looked in the mirror. Fixed my makeup. I answered the door.

"Tell Mr. Mason that I'll be down in a few minutes." I said to Clara.

"Are you okay Miss Ellen, you're eyes are red?" Clara asked. "You look a little flushed."