Big Bangs, Prohibition, and a Sugar Daddy

Rae's Advice

In the morning I tried to rationalize it and tell myself that life would go on. Talking to Rae, I began to realize that I hadn't accepted that completely. What I had done last night changed me forever. I would never be that same person that I was before my encounter with Luke.

"If you enjoy it, then don't fret about it. Or has Luke discarded you now that he has had what he wanted?" Rae rubbed my back.

"No, Luke had planned this. Manipulated me into it. He wanted me because of how unique I am. I don't think he plans to discard me right away." I explained how it all happened.

"So, your man has plenty of sugar. That is a good arrangement. I've entered into such arrangements myself. There is nothing wrong with being a kept woman as long as your Daddy has plenty of sugar." Rae explained to me. "Enjoy it. Don't punish yourself because someone desires you for what you are. I'm happy that you found a man interested in you for what you are."

"You aren't ashamed or disgusted with me?" Rae's approval was important to me.

"Never. You know I don't judge people by such things, if I did I would never of written a play about a homosexual man, or hired Galvin as the lead to my play." Rae assured me. "I wouldn't tell you Mother, just yet. Nor Carol. She is such a gossip. She would never tell anyone about your condition, but Carol might let slip that you were sleeping with Luke."

"You will sleep with him again." Rae smiled at me.

I sighed. "Yes. I suppose he will expect it."

"You needn't sound so unhappy about it. I thought you enjoyed it. If you do, then look forward to it." Rae hugged me. "It's nothing to be ashamed of, especially considering your condition. Just be careful, because so many people are ignorant and would never understand that there is nothing wrong with sleeping with someone who desires you."

Rae reassured me that there was nothing wrong with my sleeping with Luke. So long as we were discreet about it. I explained that my role in Luke's bed was that of a woman, that it seemed unfair that I would have to play this role even in bed.

"Life is seldom fair. Luke may put you aside some day, so enjoy yourself. Be a little gold digger. Spend as much of his money as you can before that happens." Rae advised me.

"I'm not a whore. I didn't sleep with Luke just to get money to pay Mother's hospital bills and pay for Carol's wedding. I slept with Luke because I knew it was my only chance for that kind of intimacy." I said.

"Of course, darling. But, you got the money, and from the looks of it you got a new wardrobe and much more. Like I said, enjoy it." Rae had to get back to work. I had to go and see Mother and Carol.

"Before you go." Rae took out a walking stick, with a heavy silver orb mounted on the end. "If Luke ever does hurt you, just hit him with this as hard and as much as you can before coming here so I can protect you."

I doubted that I would ever need the cane, but I took it with me. If Luke ever did threaten me, I doubted I'd be able to even hit him with the cane before he took it away from me. I also wondered how Rae thought she could protect me from Luke, if I did come to her after. I didn't question her logic though. Rae could be resourceful.

"I almost forgot. I'm sorry we missed your opening night." I said before I left. "We were close to the explosion and Phillip was hurt. Carol got some glass in her face as well. I've been so busy lately that I haven't had time to visit. I'm off to see Mother and Carol."

"I imagine Luke has kept you very busy lately." Rae teased. "Like I said before, enjoy yourself and spend as much of his money as you can."

We said our goodbyes and I went back to the car where Henry was waiting. Smoking a cigarette while sitting on the bumper of the Buick. If he was annoyed by having to wait for me, he didn't show it. I told him where Mother's apartment was and he opened the door for me.

Henry didn't say anything to me as we drove to my Mother's. I was deep in thought. About what I said to Rae. Her advice to me. Luke had manipulated me to a point. Telling me that he'd not pay for the clothes that I had thought he bought for me. Offering to pay for the clothes, my Mother's bills, and Carol's wedding. Then he said he would pay for the clothes. But, if I did sleep with him he promised to pay for Mother's bills and Carol's wedding and more.

This wasn't the real reason that I slept with Luke. I finally made my decision because I knew I'd not have a chance like this again. I wanted to be intimate with someone. To have that experience just once, even if it was with a man and in the role of a woman. I'm not sure I could have had that experience with a woman, although I had often thought about it. I am not developed enough to succeed in something like that.

I climbed the stairs with an ease that surprised me. It is possible that the absence of a corset has made it easier for me to exert myself. It is amazing the torture we endure for the sake of beauty.

At the top of the stairs I saw Mrs. Markel peek through her door when she opened it just a crack. She saw me, but did not recognize me. Closing the door instead of greeting me, like she might have done before. I had to smile. I had known the woman since we moved into the new apartment. Now, Mrs Markel was afraid of me. I suppose when she realizes that it is actually me, she will be her gossiping, nosy self.