Irhaboggle Pride (2018) 30 Days, 30 Stories

Coffee Kisses

Westford Mapp and Benjamin Bartholomew Barnaby had been dating for almost a year now, having met during some special science talk their university was giving. Even though Westford was only a sophomore and Barnaby a graduate student, the two still grew so close that they became lovers. Now here they were, on one of their off days in spring, and they were headed out for a little coffee date. How cheesy and romantic.

"Seriously, could you be any more of a Basic White Girl?" Barnaby scoffed as Westford sipped his tall coffee Frappuccino with skim milk.

"Excuse you, sir, there is absolutely nothing wrong with my choice of drink," Westford spoke importantly, puffing up his chest. "It doesn't make me any more or less of a person to drink this!" he intentionally took a long sip to prove his point.

"That may be so," Barnaby laughed at his boyfriend's antics. "But it still makes you a BWG."

"And there's nothing wrong or shameful with that!" Westford agreed. "I would wear that label with pride because it's who I am. We need to stop shaming people for their tastes just because they've become a stereotype or a trend! After all, I have a lot of 'BWG' friends and they're the sweetest people on the planet. There's nothing wrong with being a BWG. Especially when the coffee is sooooo good!"

"Even sweeter than their extra-sugar-extra-cream-extra-espresso-skim-milk-no-foam-pumpkin-spice-latte-mochas-grandes?" Barnaby joked. Westford only glared at him, taking another deep draft of his caffeinated beverage. His look was so serious that Barnaby began to bellow with laughter. To him, it was just so hard to take someone as scrawny and adorkable as Westford seriously, especially when he was glaring over a cup of fancy BWG coffee while debating about what constituted a BWG in the first place. It was too precious!

"Oh, Westford! My love, you're killing me!" Barnaby wheezed. "Do you want me to take a picture of your cup and post it online for you? You can keep sitting there, brooding and looking all hipster and mysterious if you'd like! I'll come up with a witty, important hashtag for ya!"

"Well, just try it then!" Westford insisted, pushing the cup over to Barnaby. Unlike Westford, Barnaby hadn't even bought any coffee, choosing instead to drink a soda that he'd snuck in. He just wasn't a coffee person.

"And turn into a BWG?" Barnaby pretended to look horrified.

"Barnaby, you already are basic and white and you act really girly at times," Westford reminded his boyfriend.

"Just how many pumps of sugar, caramel, pumpkin and espresso are in that thing?" Barnaby snorted, pushing the cup back to Westford.

"Not a lot," Westford answered honestly, choosing to overlook his boyfriend's sarcasm. "I asked them to go easy on everything."

"Ah! Of course you did!" Barnaby snickered. "You hipsters need a skinny frame, and of course the BWG in you won't drink more than 20 calories."

"Barnaby!" Westford pushed the cup back over to Barnaby, but Barnaby returned it again, continuing their little game.

Westford sighed in exasperation. He really did love Barnaby, and these petty games were pretty fun sometimes, but this one was just a little bit of a sore spot for Westford. It was because, although everything Barnaby was saying did have some grain of truth, Westford still hated hearing those BWG stereotypes. True or not, they honestly did demean someone's lifestyle. And Westford always, honestly, felt bad about making fun of people, even if it was just to mock the silly stereotypes. He was too much of a softie! Barnaby, however, more than made up for that.

"Just try it, please?" Westford begged again.

"Nope!" Barnaby grinned cheerfully. He had nothing against anyone, he just made the BWG jokes because he knew it got under Westford's skin, and he absolutely loved to make that adorkable little guy squirm!