rehab (lashton//malum)

Chapter 8

"so ashton, what happened last night?" dr.hodges said looking at me from the blue chair on the other side of the room.

"i just, i felt really bad. like i couldn't sleep and then luke woke up and i felt so suicidal so he got the nurse for me" i said staring directly into her eyes

she nodded "and do you have any idea what made you feel that way?"

"not really, i felt better after the nurse gave me my meds"

"okay ashton, i'm gonna up your dosage of lexapro, one of my nurses will talk to you about the potential side effects of increasing your dosage. i'm also going to allow you to meet with dr. genelige who is here overnight if necessary tonight. he will pass any info on to me if you do meet with him"

"thank you"

she nodded "you can head back to your room now. the nurse should be coming in shortly to pass out your roommates medications and will talk to you about the dosage change"

i nodded and made my way back to our room where the other 3 boys were awake and getting ready

"michael how was your therapist?"

"it was fine. they changed my meds from zoloft to prozac so it can help with depressive thoughts more"

"i was on zoloft for a bit. didn't do much for me, prozac worked better than that for me but they changed it too so whatever. can that treat bulimia?"

"apparently"

"hi boys! i've got your medications for the day. michael  i'm going to go over the prozac side effects with you, just make sure to let one of us know if you start to experience any of them. the side effects of increasing a dosage and just starting one are the same and are as follows; stuffy nose, sneezing, sore throat, drowsiness, dizziness, mild nausea, upset stomach, constipation, increased appetite, insomnia or having a dry mouth. and ashton the side effects of your increased dosage are just what we had gone over before - any questions?"

we both shook our heads and the nurse nodded and walked out of the room.

"so i'm going to talk to my therapist and the police today" luke mumbled

"i'm sorry luke. but hey at least they're gonna get him then" calum said putting on his hospital socks

"when are you going?" i asked

"in a few hours. i don't have anything until then"

"how about that walk? i feel better for the moment"

"yeah! of course"

"do you guys wanna come too?" luke asked michael and calum and they shook their heads so me and luke walked through the hallway of the hospital and out to the still very enclosed courtyard that was only open for a few hours a day and sat down on a bench. 

"im scared" luke said after a few minutes of silence

i looked over to him and gave him a small smile "i know, it'll be okay. you're doing the right thing luke, and it's gonna be hard and it's gonna suck but it'll make your life better in the long run"

he sighed and rested his head on my shoulder and butterflies appeared in my stomach "it just sucks, i know my mom loves him but he's just such a shitty person ash, i feel bad for saying it but"

"don't feel bad. my dad was never really around, we'd see him every now and then but he was mostly just a drunk and an angry one at that, i know how it feels luke but you're gonna get through this i promise."

"so will you" i looked at him and furrowed my brows "self harming, depression? you're gonna get past it"

"i don't know. it's just so hard? i don't see myself ever being able to stop doing it"

"i know but one day it'll just be something you don't think about anymore"

i shrugged and laid my head on top of his and we sat and watched nature and talked only every now and then

--

i climbed down to michaels bunk while ashton and luke were out to sit next to the boy who i had started to get feelings for

"how was your therapist?" i asked facing him

he shrugged "fine i guess, they didn't body check me which was nice but the meds aren't doing much for me"

"give it a few days, took me forever to get used to mine but you've still gotta try too you know?"

he nodded "i just wish i wasn't so fucked up" he scooted back to lean up against the wall behind him "or just plain old dead" 

"i know how you feel michael but you're not a fuck up and im so happy you're alive, you're one of my only friends, and my best friend at that. im so happy i found you, even though the circumstances aren't exactly ideal. i love you mikey" 

"i love you too cal" he crawled over to me and engulfed me in a hug.

 i think i might have a teeny weeny crush