rehab (lashton//malum)

chapter 9

"i guess it really all started when i was ten, my mom got remarried and chris seemed like a really nice guy at first, he'd take me and my brothers out to go see a movie and get pizza. but as the years went by he started to get rougher i guess"

"what do you mean rougher luke" the police officer sitting across from me asked looking up from his notes

"he started to be rough with his words, calling us fat. making fun of me for how i did my hair, little things and i originally thought it was just a dad thing? but then when he was mad he'd shove us around, then it advanced to dragging us downstairs and then it ended up getting as bad as him just hitting us always, he never did more than taking his anger out on us physically which is good i guess but at the same time it still sucked"

"that doesn't make what he did okay luke, i do hope you know that. we have him in custody currently and are going through with the arrest process. he will likely have a trial and if you or your siblings are willing we'd love to have you testify against him, if not i understand as well and im sure your case we've built here"

"i'll think about it but i'm not sure if i'll be up to it" 

"of course" he handed me a buisness card "here's my card, call me when you know what you want to do"

"thank you" 

-

"how was it luke?" 

"it sucked but whatever, it's all out there now" 

i smiled slightly at the boy i had grown so fond of now "i'm-"

my sentence was cut off by the entrance of michael and a nurse "oh hello boys, we're doing a random room check because we have reason to believe that there is something in here being used to self harm. if you all could take a step out into the hallway, i'll call you back in when i'm done!" she said and me and michael shared a panicked look

we stepped into the hallway and looked at each other panicked "michael what happened?" 

"they body searched me after what i said yesterday and i-i told them my cuts were old b-b-but they didn't believe m-" michael sobbed and curled in on himself and i englufed him in a hug

"shhhh it's okay it's alright you're okay" 

luke watched and nudged us as the nurse walked out with a baggie encasing two blades and i felt my heart drop, luke grabbed my hand and squeezed it 

"i can't exactly kick anyone out of here but count this as each of your first strikes, three and you go into isolation" 

we all nodded fearing what isolation would be like and walked into our room. i sat down on my bed and my head fell into my hands and i set out the tears i had been holding back

"ashton"luke sighed and wrapped his arms around me 

"i know its dumb" i paused to catch my breath and took a shaky inhale "i'm supposed to be here to stop, but i can't - i can't stop. i need something to make me feel in control, to feel okay" 

luke smiled slightly at me "i wanna make you feel okay, you don't have to depend on hurting yourself to be okay. talk to me, whenever somethings going on. i'll be here, i love you" 

my stomach did a somersalt and i smiled "i love you too" 

- 

i listened to ashton and luke talk for a bit while i pretended to sleep, i could feel my dinner sitting inside the pit of my stomach and all i wanted was it out. but i've been trying so hard, i've eaten every meal i've had in fear of a feeding tube (group sessions don't exactly make it sound like a good time). recovery sucks

- 

"calum, how's life been since your attempt?" my psychiatrist asked me looking up from her notes

i shrugged "i don't know- the same?" 

"no improvments or setbacks?" 

i shook my head and she nodded "alright so treatment wise im looking at having you have a bit more of an intensive group schedule, i will be throwing in more music therapy since you said that helped you but since we're not seeing any changes i'm having you step up to the next level of treatment, which also means we'll be upping your medication to 50mg versus 20- same side effects as before and let me know if you're expierencing them, questions?"

"yeah, how many more groups do i have? and i don't remember the side effects can i have a refresher?"

"you're going to have less break time, i'm only having you in your room if your roomates are there. I'm not sure of the number yet but i will have your new schedule printed and brought to you tomorrow morning with your medication. And again the side effects of zoloft are nausea, change in sleep, agitation. let me know if you expierence any of those. your nurse should have your medication ready for you tomorrow and you may expierence the side effects then" 

"okay, thank you dr. mecky"

"see you friday calum"