R U T H L E S S

•twenty three - misunderstandings•

Through unrest and stillness
Wasn't I your witness?
Now there's a difference
A distance between us

______

Skye

"So you were actually serious about all that crap you said yesterday?" He said in disbelief.

"Of course I was serious Justin, what did you think? I'm just blabbering?!" I couldn't control how loud my voice got.

"I can't believe we're actually having all these conversations Skye, you realize now why I don't want us to go there!" He yelled and it brought me to tears again.

My chest hurt and there was a lump in my throat as I tried to control my lip from quivering.

"No I don't...I don't realize anything Justin" I said; my voice suddenly low and crackly. I knew I couldn't keep it in anymore. His face softened as he saw me cry and he lowered his voice too.

"Why not?" He asked and I licked my lips.

"Because I....Because I'm-" I was too afraid to say it.

"I'm in love with you" I finally said the words out aloud. It was the first time that Justin heard those words from me and so did I.

Nothing moved on his face as he stood there staring at me for a good minute.

"And I'm sorry, I'm not capable of all that 'put a fence around your feelings' thing" I explained.

"Skye I told you not to..." He mumbled softly.

"I know I know you did! But this wasn't a choice!" I cried and plopped down on the edge of my bed.

"I'm sorry" I sobbed and tried to wipe my tears away but they didn't stop.

He stood there for a long time. I kept waiting for him to say something else but he never uttered a word nor did his face give away anything.

Every sob that I had swallowed came rushing back after he walked out of my room without a word.

I knew  I wasn't going to get the reciprocation but I expected some words at least.

But what would he say if he doesn't feel the same way. I can't shove feelings down his throat.

I wonder myself, how did I get here?

All along, all I knew was that its just physical between us. And now suddenly, it's hard to breathe without him.

Suddenly, I've gotten too used to the feeling of his arms around me, holding me. His laugh plays in my head like on of my favorite songs. I've become so fascinated by everything he does, it makes me want to be around him and watch him all day.

And I never felt this about anyone before. Nothing made me so soft and mushy inside. My insides never tingled as every thought of him passed through my head. 

I hugged my knees and tried to calm myself from crying. I guess it really is love.

Because even though he's breaking my heart, lord knows, I've never been this happy.

Justin

"I'm in love with you"

"I'm in love with you"

"I'm in love with you"

Her words spun in my head. Her face when she said that, the honesty in her eyes haunted me. My chest tightened as I sat down on the cold concrete seats at the basketball court.