Laurens eyes become glossy. They seem to be a lighter shade of green than before. Almost like fress cut glass. Except this shade is much, much lighter. And Im fairly certain its only because of her unshed tears shinning in her eyes.
Theres a sharp intake of breath and Im not sure if its from me or her. The room is filled with a deadly silence besides our deep breathing. My heart hammers against my chest and I realise I do actually love her. And I always have.
Memories of coming here and catching her wide green eyes for the first time flicker across my vision. All in grass green. The jewels of her dragon. Protecting something hidden deep inside her that has so much more value than any treasure a dragon might conceal. And thats her heart.
People say that your dangerous when you have no heart. Its true. When you are heartless the one thing that fuels your actions is desire. You know what you want and theres nothing to stop you. It doesnt matter if blood is shed or hearts break. As long as they arent yours.
But the people with the hearts are the most dangerous. Emotions such as love can make people do awful and crazy things. Your far more deadly with a heart because something matters. There is something or someone who holds claim or a special place there and your heart will immediatly send signals to your brain to do certain things or not to do them all depending on its own emotions.
It sucks. I have always been known as this heartless girl. A girl who wouldnt hesitate to kill. Who rode a horse like a man. With eyes of steal and an empty place in her chest. No one ever knew about all the long nights of abuse or lecture or blaming. They say markings and word got around but yet they didnt seem care.
Now I deffinetly know I have a heart. Because its shattering. Slowly and painfully. As if all the cracks are there yet it falls piece by piece. And her blazing green emeralds are the knife. With the simple flick of her wrist and the blink of her eyes as she tries to hide the tears, a piece has fallen out again.
Lauren takes my hand. Rubbing circles in the palm of it. For a moment she focuses on controlling her breathing and emotions before speaking.
"You wanted me to love you. Now you say your afraid? Explain."
I take a shakey breath. "I loved you whole heartedly. And I still do. But when people return those feelings its odd. As far back as I can remember I remember running from thise I cared about because I knew theyd have a better life without me. And you returned the feelings and I realised how scary it was. To have something in your life worth losing. To have something that matters."
When I finish she kisses me softly. "Dinah you dont have to be afraid. You could never lose me. You may think I can do better. But your wrong. And if you were right your all Id ever want. All Id ever need. I could have a fucking billionare supermodel walk right through those doors and Id chose you. Every time. Because my heart yearns for you in a way it hasnt for anyone else or anyone to come."
Her words warm me yet I find myself doubting and my walls begin to raise. I can feel them trapping me inside. Locking me up from the rest of the world. They have always come at the moments I need protection most.
With a small smile I stand. "Sorry Im going to go get some fresh air."
She jumps up. "I'll come with you."
I dont protest as we walk to the waterfall. I sit down in my usual spot on the second ledge. The water is freezing cold and drenchs my hair yet I will my clothes to stay dry. Lauren takes one of my hands in hers again. The other I use to pop a cigarrette in my mouth.
Beside me, Lauren inhales deeply with a raspy chuckle. "Honeysuckle and smoke."
A giggle escapes my throat. She blushes slightly and I tuck a wet clump of her hair behind her ear. My still warm fingertips brushing her cheek making goosbumps appear on her skin everywhere. She shivers slightly.
"Are you cold?" I ask her worried.
She shakes her head yet I can see the lie. I slip off my jacket and put it around her shoulders. I savor this. The beautiful forest. The peaceful sound of rushing water. Laurens freezing chill being stopped by my radiating warmth. Her green eyes stormed with grey.
Lauren smiles before leaning in and kissing me. Our mouths molding as one. She tastes so good I wish I could sit here forever kissing her. But yet even as I do I can feel my walls sliding up even higher. Determined not to let the green eyed beauty get to me.
With a silent sigh I pull back and lean my head against the jagged rock. We sit in a comfortable silence until night falls. Laurens head leans on my shoulder and her breathing becomes even. I watch her eyes flutter close and sigh into her, snuggling in her mess of dark hair.
Its so perfect. Its too perfect. She says she loves me. Yet I cant believe her. I wont ever believe her. Not until I earn her love. Its so obvious that it was basically all preassure and blind thoughts that lead her love. So I know what Im going to do. And frankly, Im not sorry.
Being careful not to wake her, I put her in a position where she is lying so that she wont drown. There is nothing left here for me. Normani is dead. I killed Ally. I think I may have murdered Camila. If not the bitch is still running around. Probably banging so mundane who wandered into the club.
So that means its time for me to go. To find her.
To ask Cassandra why she left me so many years ago.
