Anywhere With You • {J.C.}

||Twenty-Two|Under Control||

"I am your one."
-Trying Your Luck

"I'm sinking, Jules... I'm sinking. I'm- I'm sinking into the mattress." Harlow proclaimed, her eyes wide and filled with shock. Julian was laughing, lying on his back next to her.

"You're not sinking. And even if you were, I'd be sinking too."

"This was a bad idea. My- my mom's downstairs, she can hear us."

Julian took Harlow's hand, placing it on his chest. The feel of his sternum rising and falling was somehow calming. "Relax, babe... everything's fine, I promise."

"I told you to stop callin' me that." Harlow's head turned in Julian's direction, giving him a narrowed side eye.

"Sorry... habit." Julian huffed, his sigh long and exaggerated as he stared up at the ceiling fan. He felt good—happy. He couldn't recall a time he had been this genuinely happy.

He finally knew his purpose—what he wanted to do with his life. Of course, he always knew it involved music, Sam had guided him down that path at the age of fourteen, but now it had become a mission. "I have to tell you something... something I can't say to you when I'm... sober." Julian spoke muffled into his palms—the quick motion of his hand leaving Harlow's startling her.

"The mattress is really quicksand, you lied to me." Harlow laughed—joking, of course.

"My ex... I loved her. When she left me, I whored myself out." He chuckled nervously, knowing he had already told Harlow this. "My life was like that movie KIDS after she dumped me.. until I started sleepin' with you-"

"Gross." Harlow grimaced.

"Not the AIDS part, just the... you know, roamin' around, looking for shit to get into." Julian sighed, recalling all the nights he had awoken in a stranger's bed—there was even a time he had hailed a cab from a young woman's house, just to get to school.

He remembered being outgoing and silly in his younger years, but when he had taken an interest in girls, found that they liked to be in the company of strong, silent types. Julian wasn't strong, but being silent had come naturally. His long bouts of quietness forced him to eventually become genuinely shy, which in the end, made it hard to talk to girls.

"The way I feel about you... it's the same way I felt about her, except... maybe more." Julian finished his thought after realizing he had just spaced out in the middle of the conversation. "The only difference is... you're not my girl. I don't want you to be my girl either, 'cause then you'll realize I'm not what you think I am."

"You're only sleeping with me, right? So, technically... I am your girl."

"Are you my one?" Julian looked to Harlow with a devilish grin; a stupid smirk she wanted to kiss right off his face.

"You already know how I feel about this, Jules." She sat up with a heavy sigh. "Damn you." She mumbled, noticing the colors of the room turning slightly orange.

"What's gonna happen after you move? Or when I start goin' to Five Towns? You're gonna meet someone else-"

"Why are you fighting this so hard, huh? If you don't wanna be with me,  then just say it!"

Julian sat up quickly—his forefinger to his lips as he quietly shushed her. His tired eyes were unusually large and filled with panic, scared she was going to wake Frankie.

"No! You tell me shit like that and then you contradict it! You're fuckin' with me- I don't know why, but you fucking with me!" Harlow was yelling; the room was going from orange to red now and suddenly, it felt like her heart was about to beat out of her chest.