Anywhere With You • {J.C.}

||Thirty-Nine|Just Missed The Train||

"Fate, my friend, you say the strangest things I find
Sometimes."
-Someday

Monday morning had been rough; Harlow spent the weekend recuperating from the horrible mistake that was Julian Casablancas. She felt like a fool—a complete idiot for falling into his trap... again. She didn't blame him, she couldn't. It wasn't his fault she loved him so goddamn much.

This was a wakeup call. Two years ago should've been her wakeup call, but she still held onto false hope that maybe one day, she and Julian could be together. The timing was always wrong; like two people consistently missing the train. Every time Harlow was ready to board, Julian wasn't—or he was already on the train, with someone else.

"Can we talk?" Harlow asked Tyler who had been stealing glances at her all afternoon. She dreaded this all weekend—coming back to work to face the person Julian had ran off. She had to explain herself—she had to explain why Julian had acted the way he had. But most of all, she had know what all Julian had said to him.

"Are you gonna take your break now?" Tyler looked back at the clock, avoiding all eye contact.

"If you're willing to talk to me. If not, I completely understand- I just wanna say I'm sorry-"

"No, we can talk." Tyler smiled halfheartedly, making his way toward the back. He had been waiting tables all day, hoping Harlow would talk to him about what had happened Friday night. He felt guilty for leaving her—that he didn't have the balls to stick around and fight for her.

They stood outside the back of the alley, the dumpster reeking of month's old food and putrid waste. It was cold, the weather at most thirty-five degrees. Harlow lit the end of her cigarette, waiting for Tyler to do the same so she could explain herself without the interruption of her apology feeling rejected.

"I just want to apologize for whatever Jules said to you... or did to you. I'm... I'm so sorry. I should've never gone there- I should've told you to turn around and go somewhere else."

"I'm the one that should be sorry. I just left you there after you told me to wait. I jus- I don't fight. I'm not a fighter. When he pushed me into that wall... I just had to get outta there. You have nothing to be sorry about. I'm just glad you're still talking to me." He chuckled nervously, rubbing the side of his face apprehensively. "I thought you were gonna hate me for leaving you there."

Harlow smiled—Tyler was being honest. He was genuinely afraid her opinion of him had changed.

"What did... he say to you?" Harlow spoke, smoke leaving her nostrils. This had been the answer she dreaded the most—she was scared of the same thing Tyler had been, that his opinion of her had turned bad.

"Before or after he tried to kick my ass?" Tyler laughed; this time, it was authentic. "Just that... you know. You guys used to... I don't care. I really don't care about that- what you guys did, or whatever. I mean, it was pretty clear he still cared about you, but- he was just jealous. He saw you kiss me and asked how I knew you. That was how it started."

Harlow swallowed hard; that part wasn't true—the part where Julian cared. Jealousy might have contributed to the near brawl, but him still caring had not.

"He told me to treat you right. He said something like... don't do what I did and wait 'til the last minute to tell you how I feel... or, something like that."

"I should've told you the truth. Jules and I... we go way back. It's true, we used to... you know. But, we were never together- he never committed to me. By the time he was willing to commit... I was too scared to let him hurt me again. Now, two years later, I'm back in the same boat." She huffed; feeling stupid for letting him get the best of her again. "I loved him. I was... in love with him."

"What happened? I mean... why didn't it work out?"

She could only think of one answer. "Time. The time was just wrong. It all worked out in the end, I guess. He's successful now, he did what he said he was gonna do."

Tyler flicked ashes off his cigarette, taking a step toward her. "Do you still love him?"

"I think I'm in love with the idea of what we could've been. He was my best friend- my only friend. Jules was really quiet in school, he kept to himself. I kept to myself too, but for different reasons. I guess Fab was a friend, but... you gotta understand, Fab was friends with everyone, so it didn't really mean much. But Jules..." She stopped herself, realizing she was still calling him by his nickname. "Julian was my best friend. But, Julian and I are never gonna be together. It's never gonna work out. I guess it just took me two years to realize that. Besides... he has a girlfriend now."

Silence fell over the frigid pair, Harlow's teeth clacking together in the cold. "Is he the guy you're still in love with? Or were you talking about someone else?"

"Him. But this weekend showed me that... it's not love. It's false hope- just a bunch of broken promises that weren't even made."

Perhaps that's what Julian had been trying to tell her—that was the answer she needed from him. She had gone into that party with the intention of asking Julian why he had written those songs to her, hoping that it had been his way of reaching out. But it hadn't been—it had been his way of letting go.

"Forgive me if this is too forward, but does that mean I have a chance to... ask you out again? I swear on my life that I won't ditch you again."

Harlow smiled, folding her arms across her chest—her teeth still chattering away. She giggled, tossing her cigarette into the alleyway. "You still wanna go out with me? After everything that I just told you- after everything that happened?"

"Well... yeah." He laughed. "You seem really cool. You're not like most girls I've hung out with. And not that it really matters, but... you're probably the most beautiful girl that's ever talked to me."

"Is Friday at eight okay?" Harlow asked, pulling open the back door, rushing to get back inside.

"Sounds perfect." Tyler smiled, following Harlow into Caverns.

This is what Harlow needed; a chance to get over a future that would never happen—a future without Julian.