NOT MY STORY...

8. Entries

This diary belongs to Paul Adams.

Relief floods over me. Atleast its not him. I don't think I could have handled it if it was.

I turn to the first entry."07 march...2017" I start,

Happy birthday dad. I miss you. I brought something for you , only if I could give it to you. I still have those glasses you gave me. I look a lot like you after wearing them. I am proud to be your son.

Tears starts rolling down my face. His dad. Those glasses. The ones I broke. It was so precious. I knew they were. The horror on his face confirmed that. I wish I could turn back time and make everything all right.

You know what? We are celebrating your birthday today. No guests, just me and mom. And ofcourse your memories. Mom is still in hospital though. I planned the celebration. Yes dad, your little boy is growing up. I love you dad.

I turn the page. I can't read that anymore knowing that I destroyed the most precious possession of his.

From what I can see the entries are not very regular. The next entry is dated on 15th of May.

Hey dad, you know we moved to Washington today. I didn't want to leave New York though but they said it would be good if mom could be transferred there. I will be living with uncle though. I just want her to be okay again. I can't see her like that. We were so happy before. Why did you have to leave? Why did she have to fall sick? Why did I have to be refrained from having a normal family?

The worst is over Paul. I know it is. You know it too.

She doesn't seem to have energy to move anymore. Doctors say these are her last months. But I am still waiting for a miracle to happen and I know it will. Not everyone is gonna leave me right? Anyways, lets not make it more depressing though. We miss you dad. Bye.

His dad. He was in army. I can only imagine how my life would become without dad. I am soo sorry for what I did Paul.

*12 years back*

It was a sunny day, but yet, grief and sadness hung low in the air. There he sat, in the far corner of the cafeteria. I didn't see Steve and Matthew anywhere near him. He looked so lonely.

Without thinking, I moved towards his table. That's when I heard him mumbling something with his shoulders slumped and shaking lightly. Was he ... crying?

I put my hand on his shoulder but he brushed me off. I tried again and he shouted, "Go away!"

"Hey, don't you dare shout at me, its not my fault you are a cry baby!" I yelled back. Shit! That came out wrong. I tried again. "I didn't mean that. I came here-"

He cuts me off mid sentence, "Enough. Don't fool me Alexxia, you meant every single word you said. So thank you for coming this far to tell me how pitiful I am. You may as well go now. "

"Hey, seriously you think that low of me? I just -" I trailed off when I saw his red puffy eyes from all the crying he had done. I didn't think it was wrong to cry. But still I couldn't let him cry. I didn't know why but I felt like it was my responsibility to take care of his happiness although I messed with it all the time. "You don't have to explain yourself. You can leave."

"But-"

"Leave. Now!" He growled. God he really hit some nerves.

I slammed my hands in the table and stood up abruptly, hitting my knee in one of the table legs. To be honest, that hurt but right now I was overwhelmed with anger. "That's enough! Will you hear me out first?! I came here to ask if you are okay. Nothing else. But you know what, never mind." Thats when he looked at me with those bloodshot eyes and there was surprise in them. And... Guilt.