michael's Diary // clemmings

entry 10

I'm a mess rn. calum talked me into staying but in still not in the band. I haven't left my room it's been about three days. I haven't done anything but lay in bed and cry.

the only person who talks to me is calum. he comes in a few times a day to check on me and give me food and stuff. I'd probably be close to death without him here.

luke and i haven't spoke since he told me he did want me back in and I just hate this feeling. I can hear him every once in a while. usually it's just a scream or some shouting at ashton. it seems like he hasn't left his room either and it's been like calum is helping me and ashton is helping luke which is understandable.

but I feel like in falling apart. I hate the way this feels and I actually started writing music. I have the chorus done:

Tell me where you're hiding your voodoo doll 'cause I can't control myself,

I don't wanna stay, wanna run away but I'm trapped under your spell.

And it hurts in my head and my heart and my chest,

And I'm having trouble catching my breath.

its called VooDoo Doll. it explains the situation I'm in rn pretty well, like I can't control myself I need someone to help me and the fact that I don't want to stay but I have to and it all just hurts, I feel like in suffocating.

the boys just left. I just watched them all hey into the car and drive away without even saying anything to me. I should leave but I can't do that it calum it wouldn't be far he wanted me to stay.

so as of rn in sitting in my room. alone having no idea what they are doing and I feel like shit that the three of then just left and didn't say anything. this is why I left in the first place. I felt so left out and excluded I couldn't take it.

maybe they are talking about the band. if I seriously can't be the guitarist maybe I can be a songwriter or something. I want it have some part in this but I fucked it up. if 5sos doesn't get anywhere bc of me I will be so disappointed in myself.

I hope they are talking about me actually. the one time I'd want the to talk about me without me being there is right now. maybe Calum and Ashton can convince luke to let me back in.

Mikey

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so yay more if a serious chapter and all I hope you like it I feel like I haven't up bated in forever but I porbs my like updated yesterday or something. I just don't have a life or nothing better to do. I hope you like it thanks for reading (((: