michael's Diary // clemmings

entry 7

lately I've been feeling like an outsider calum luke and Ashton would have these talks just the three of them and I knew it was either about this journal or me.

well no fucking tittleywinks it's about me bc if it waSNT ABOUT ME THEY WOULDNT HAVE TO EXCLUDE ME FROM THE CONVO

I just don't know what to do my feelings for luke have gotten so so so so sooooooooooooo strong like it's not even funny I get so nervous the other night this happened:

"hey Michael what's up?"

"uh I'm nothing luke what about you.."

"nothing I just don't know if I actually like Stacy or not..."

stacy... oh ratchet chick

"oh..."

"do you have any advise on like dating. who do you like?"

"Oh This is an S.O.S.

Don't wanna second guess,

This is the bottom line

It's true."

and then I kinda just ran out if the room and we haven't talked since. it's been about a week. he split with ratchet chick so my feelings there are like; YAYAYAYAYYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAY

buuuuuuuuut he's still straight and my feelings there are like; FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUK

so I've been in my room all week ashton and calum have been bringing meals to me. every so often if hear luke singing a song written for a girl but switching the words to he it him which is suspicious but maybe he knows that I like him

*gasp*

what if that's why he asked me who I liked. maybe he knows I like him but how would be find out calum swore on his life or else I'd chop his balls off and ashton already promised me he wouldn't tell

*gasps again*

WHAT IF HES READ MY JOURNAL. HE PROBABLY KNOWS ABOUT EVERYTHING IVE SAID ALL MY FEELINGS AND THAT MUSHY SHIT.

I just hope that if he did read it he didn't see the masturbation thing or else he'd probably think I'm pretty fucked up.

more fucked then I already am

fuck

boy do I want to fuck him.

FUCK WHY DO I KEEP THINKING LIKE THAT?

god Michael you got it bad. btw it's calum now. I just pushed Mikey over so I could silently tell him that neither ashton it I have told luke anything and he doesn't even know you have a diary.

thank you

n

p

well that was neat.

at least I know that he hasn't seen this and they haven't said anything but I do wonder what they talk about. I've been feeling quite Lonely. like someone will say something like "I'm giving up on you" and they'd all look at each other and I'd have no fucking idea what's going on. I kinda feel like I shouldn't be here

maybe that's just it.

maybe the don't want me here.

maybe I should leave the band.

Mikey

****

wow I'm on a role. I'm very happy with were this is going and I hope it's making someone laugh bc that's my only intention with writing this. again I didn't proof read I do that like way after. thanks for reading!