Dancing Through The Night

Chapter 15 - Cohen

That baby was the cutest, most miriculous little thing I've ever seen. How different a birth is when you're not the detached anesthetist who just worries about keeping the pain at bay. Obviously no-one knew, but having watched Alannah for so long somehow made me feel a bond with her. I couldn't just leave her there, alone, while her friend missed the birth. Of course her friend came running in just after the baby was born. That had been my cue to leave. Before, midwife Nicola had handed me the little girl. I work in a different ward and only know a handful of the staff in the maternity wing. Nicola thought it was my kid and I didn't get to correct her. Let's just hope rumors don't spread through the hospital like a wildfire. Someone might even get the idea of getting celebration cake.
Alannah did so well. I only hope she has more support at home than she had in the delivery suite today. Her friend was apparently stuck at home with her own kids, waiting for her husband to come home. Understandable, but Alannah needs more reliable help. My sister was in the same situation. She still is, but with Jay being older now, I guess it's become a bit easier.

I have another two hours left of my shift and am wondering if I should go past Alannah's room to check on her. It might come across creepy though. I haven't slept at all last night. Getting some sleep should be my priority, not looking after a single mum with limited support network. Luckily, there's no more surgeries this afternoon; A few more consultations is all.

At six minutes past four I find myself outside Alannah's room, including a teddy from the gift shop downstairs. The door is slightly ajar. Alannah is sitting in bed, holding the small bundle close to her chest, humming softly a tune I've never heard before. I don't want to impose, but I feel like I need to ensure she's okay. She seems okay. For a moment I ponder if I should turn around. I could always check tomorrow, if she's still here. The decision is being taken off me when Alannah looks up. She smiles. She's okay.
"Come in," she whispers, then leans towards the bassinet next to her bed and gently puts the baby in. From next to her I watch as she secures the blankets in line with all safety standards around the little girl. When she looks up at me again, she smiles and her eyes shine. She looks tired but happy and proud. "Thank you so much for your help last night," she whispers. I doubt the baby would wake up if she spoke louder. Jay would sleep through everything, but I copy her quiet voice when I answer. "Oh, that's no big deal," I shake it off. "I'm a doctor, so it's pretty much my job."
We talk about me working here in this very hospital, about her friend finally making it into the delivery room and she apologises several times for engrossing me. All just small talk, really. Each time I ensure her that it wasn't a big deal.

It feels awkward when I hand her the teddy for her girl. The stuffed animal is way too big for a newborn and unsafe from a texture perspective. I should have thought about that. Thinking about it, the selection at the gift shop is pretty poor. I should make some suggestions to them on my way out.
An uncomfortable silence spreads out between us. Alannah looks tired and I know that I should leave, but I don't even know the girl's name yet.
"I haven't decided yet, but I'm tending towards Josephine," Alannah answers my question. Josie, what a beautiful name. It must be hard making these kind of decisions all alone. It took several garden parties, dinners and phone calls from Vicky to finally come up with a name. And then she didn't even go with the one we - family and friends - agreed on. I was all for Vincent, after our grandfather, but her husband thought it was too old fashioned. The name didn't even make it to middle-name status.
"Josephine is a beautiful name. It suits her," I tell Alannah honestly.
"It was my grandmother's," she explains, just as her friend rushes around the corner.

Alannah's friend doesn't seem to notice me. She's out of breath and rattles down an apology for not coming back earlier and that she had to leave again in twenty minutes. Alannah needs a better support person. I'm not blaming her friend. By now I know that she has three young kids. How could she do any more? But that doesn't mean that Alannah doesn't need more. Vicky certainly did and I did a terrible job at being her support person. At least in the first years.
The two women start talking as if I don't exist. Alannah is still whispering. Tessa doesn't seem concerned about the volume of her voice. I feel out of place. No, I am out of place. I need to leave. Alannah also needs to rest. Hopefully she'll get some once her friend leaves her to it and if she doesn't wake up Josephine in the next twenty minutes. The baby still sleeps sound as I wave a silent goodbye. Alannah answers with a smile in my direction while listening to her friend. Before the door shuts behind me I hear a whispered "Thank you".

I have an early shift tomorrow and didn't get any sleep last night, but tomorrow I'll go out with friends. I have to find myself again.