Dancing Through The Night

Cohen - 33

I've been feeling increasingly tired and de-motivated these past weeks. Work has been busy but not more than usual.
Maybe I've been gotten back into things too fast and it's now catching up with me.
My parents had been over for a visit before the holidays, when Vicky and Jay were away. Apart from work and time at the beach I haven't been up to much. I've come to accept that I'm not the person I was before cancer, and it's probably not a bad thing. I just need to find out who I am, but I'm not going to push it.
Tomorrow, Vicky will bring Jay over. He has a pupil free day while Vicky is back at work. Since I haven't seen him for a while I took the day off. Who I also haven't seen in a while is Alannah. It felt wrong texting her or just visiting her after Josie's dad is back in her life. I walked Winston past all the parks I'd seen her at in the past, but she was never there. I also went past her place a few times, hoping I'd accidentally bump into her, but her place is always dark and her car gone. I start to believe that she probably left with Josie's dad to start over, wherever it is that struggling musicians live. Okay, I don't know if he is struggling but that's what is being said about artisist who are not on the A list. Alannah deserves better than a life on the road. She is so smart and has this amazing business idea. I really hope she's not throwing that out the window.

I'm heading to the shops with Jay to get lunch and dinner organised. My fridge is near empty. Only because I haven't seen him for a while do I get all his favorite junk food. I'm usually much better at following Vicky's orders.

Walking with two full bags through the parking lot I spot Alannah's friend, loading her boot. I really should just walk on. There's nothing to say. But I guess a greeting is never wrong. I cross over to her side and call a casual "Hello, Tessa," in her direction. She pulls her head out of the boot, straightens and turns.
"Oh, hello, Cohen." She looks from me to Jay and back to me. I notice the questioning look as her gaze follows Jay walking towards my car with this earphones in and a pack of chips in his hand.
"My nephew," I explain. I shouldn't have to and I don't think she meant for me to. From within the car I can hear the squeals of little children. I linger. I should just continue walking. Further up the line of vehicles Jay is waiting at my car. I pull out my keys and press the button to open the door for him. I do want to know that Alannah is okay. Closure of some sorts.
"Pupil free day," I state the obvious to her as the kids' noises from within her car grow louder.
"Muuuum," a boy's head pops up over one of the seats. "Josie dropped her blankie. I can't reach it." At the mention of Josie's name, Tessa briefly looks up at me with a guilty kind-of look, then walks around the car where the top bit of her body disappears in the vehicle. Then she pops back out and continues loading her boot.
"Are you looking after Josie today?" I try to sound casual and hope she can't hear my heart rate speed up. I try to look around to the side door of her car but can't see anything. It's been nearly two months that I haven't seen the little girl. She would have changed so much.
Tessa nods quietly while she closes the boot.
"Do you mind if I say hello?" I ask. It's a stupid question.
She raises her shoulders, sighs and then points to the open door. "Hey Josie." She directs to the inside of the car. " Do you remember Cohen?" A six month old won't remember Cohen, who she hasn't seen in two months. Even I know that. That doesn't stop me from peeking my head in. It's unbelievable how much she's changed. I would have recognised her without a doubt but she's not a baby anymore. She looks more like a toddler now. And her eye colour changed too. The blue has now changed into a hazel colour.
"Co!" Jay shouts from my car across the parking lot, obviously having enough of waiting. I waive a hand at him to signal that I'm on my way.
"Is Alannah doing okay?" I quickly ask, hoping for certainty.
"She's fine. At a business meeting today." She won't volunteer any more information and I guess it has to do. Her having a business meeting is a good sign, I decide.

The week after my encounter with Tessa, I decide to go for a run after an early shift. I need to get rid of this tiredness. Winston is looking at me with expectation and excitement. "Let's go for a run, buddy." My excitement doesn't last long though, because not even ten minutes into my route and I spot Loula. Unfortunately, she has spotted me too. It's been a while that I've seen her. I try to get ahead and acknowledge her in passing, but Winston has other plans. He stops at a tree to do his business, giving Loula a chance to catch up.
"Hello stranger." Her hand presses against my arm, an unwelcome breach of my private space. Yes. I've given in and don't try to get back to the old me. "We need to catch up and talk about that backyard of yours. I had a couple of other ideas. Maybe tonight?" Yeah, no.
"I'm going to give the project a miss for now. Sorry. But thanks for taking the time."
I free myself from her touch and bend down to pick up Winston's business. With the full poo bag in my hand I'm ready to leave and walk over to one of the bins on the promenade. Loula follows. I can tell that my answer hit her by surprise and she's looking for words. "Well, if you like, we can just hang out." Take the hint woman. Just take it. "I'm really busy at the moment. Maybe some other time." I shouldn't have given her the window of some other time. "Why don't we just run together now and organise something later. I'm only half listening because further up the road I notice Alannah pushing a stroller. A different one than the pram she used to have Josie in. She must have outgrown it. "Excuse me," I tell Loula as I jog towards Alannah, my heart racing much stronger than it should after this short jog.

"Alannah," I call, nearly out of breath. She twirls around and it hits me how beautiful she looks. She seems relaxed and healthy. I didn't think this through and have no idea what to say to her. From the side of my vision I see Loula approach, as Winston jumps up on Alannah, obviously overjoyed seeing her. Loula just doesn't get it.
"Help me?" I choose an easy approach. Alannah looks from me to Loula, following Loula's hand as it presses against my arm again. The slight frown on Alannah's face turns into a hint of a smirk.
"Loula, I can't..."
Alannah interrupts. "You promised to look after Josie and were meant to be there twenty minutes ago. I really have to hurry to my dentist appointment now." She gets me. She's a champion. Loula removes her hand from me and looks from Alannah to me and Josie. Alannah's eyes meet mine, seeking approval that she has understood me correctly. I wink when Loula checks out Josie and we both smirk. This little exchange must give her a push. "I really wish I could rely on you." Her words sound like they might hold some truth. "I'm sorry. I'm here now." That definately held a double-meaning. Alannah stares at me as Loula retreats, mumbling a goodbye. I say hello to Josie, a bit better than last week when she was in Tessa's car, and Josie smiles back at me, cooing.
"I think she remembers you," Alannah states surprised. My heart tightens. I'm only getting this feeling with Alannah. If only she knew. And if only I knew what her situation is now.
I smile at her in response. "Thanks for that."
"Can't keep them at bay, poor guy," she mocks me. "It was good seeing you," she continues and get's ready to leave. "I actually do have to hurry to a dentist appointment."
"And you're taking Josie?" I follow her.
"Yep." The answer is clipped.
"I can look after her while you're in there." Alannah stops and looks at me.
"Cohen, you helped me a lot those first weeks - months - with her. I never really said thank you. I really appreciate it, but I have to do this on my own. I can't rely on you, or anyone else. I'll take Josie with me and she'll be in her stroller while I get a check-up and clean. That's all. I gotta go now." She continues walking and I follow like a child determined to get what they want. I'm pathetic. But she says she's alone. No musician boyfriend. I want to ask her about him but now doesn't seem to be the right time.
"Don't be like that. It can just be a thank you for saving me from Loula."
We cross the road and Alannah stops in front of a building with a dentist sign at the front. She sighs.
"Fine. I guess it would be easier and better for Josie. I should be finished in half an hour. If anything happens, just bring her in."
"Promised."
She gives me a quick rundown on what is where and what Josie can and can't do. A lot has changed in those weeks, but what can really happen in 30 minutes.
Turns out, nothing happened in those 45 minutes it took Alannah at the dentist. We walked around for a bit and then settled on a bench, watching older kids at a playground.