Dancing Through The Night

Alannah - 30

My nervousness of leaving Josie home with Tessa is mixed with excitement about the concert. I know that I don't really have anything to worry about.  My baby is in good hands. From downstairs, I can hear their happy noises. Tessa is singing one of her silly songs and Josie's little feet kick more or less rhythmically onto the wooden floor, accompanying Tessa's melody with drum-like bangs.

Looking out the window, the sky bright blue, I'm drawn to the freedom that calls me from beyond the glass. Checking the time, I have ten minutes left until we're leaving. In Nick-time that makes at least twenty minutes. Nevertheless, I am a punctual person and hurry to get dressed. Tessa helped me earlier with my hair and while the makeup I'm wearing is minimal, I feel amazing. Most days nowadays go by without me seeing foundation, mascara or a lipstick. Sliding off the bathrobe I put on after my shower earlier, I step into the jeans I bought especially for today. I finally dropped a size. The black top with silver sparkles makes me feel like a free, independent and sexy woman. It seems like a lifetime that I felt like this.

"Ready, sparkle?" Nick calls from downstairs. He's seen my shirt earlier and thought it was a bit over the top. A t-shirt would have done it.
"Mock me all you want," I shout back. "I don't get out anymore. So tonight I'll sparkle a bit!"

The concert is at the beach and part of a small festival. Luckily it's on the other side to where Cohen lives, so I won't have to think about him too much.  With a wide grin Nick told me this morning that my doc had come by with coffee and dog while I was in the shower. Cohen hasn't called anymore though after his visit, no text either. I wouldn't know what to say to him anyway. It's best if we keep our distance. I have come quite reliant on him, and I like him. But we could never be anything but friends. Wrong, we can't be friends. It doesn't work,  it wouldn't and shouldn't work.
Dancing! I focus on dancing. That's what I'll do tonight!

We get to the festival site early. The stage is still being set-up. "She's with me," Nick tells one of the security guards, showing him his pass. He's meeting the guys for soundcheck in fifteen minutes. The anticipation of seeing them all again increasing, excitement mixed with the uncomfortable worry that possibly this reunion might be awkward, especially seeing Eddie.

The worries about seeing the band again was for nothing. The guys, all apart from Eddie, welcomed me as if we were still in High School. When they start their soundcheck, however, Eddie still isn't there. "The dickhead went to the bar," Miles shouts, making sure everyone knows how annoyed he is. "He's been drinking a lot for the past months," Nick explains. "Ever since that Magda chick left him. I mean, he's been drinking before, but it's getting out of control."

Five minutes later Eddie appears with a beer bottle in hand. Instead of joining the boys on stage he slanders over to me. A surprised shriek escapes me when he picks me up and twirls me around, then places an alcohol infused kiss on my cheek. "You look gorgeous as always. Haven't changed a bit," he tells me with a wink and slap on the butt before leisurely making his way to the stage. This is not how this evening was supposed to go. I feel uncomfortable and decide to go to the bar myself.  Maybe they have some nice juices.

Eddie continues creeping up to me. I told him several times to leave me alone but he won't have it. Every time I see him he holds a beer bottle. He now seems quite drunk. "Dance with me,  sweetheart. For old times sake." Another band is playing and the boys are up next. I was dancing carefree before he came and I want to contiue, but not with touchie Eddie. Luckily, Nick comes to retrieve his guitarist to get ready for their show.

The boys are great. I'm breaking out in a sweat from all the jumping and dancing. I hadn't noticed how much I'd missed just being myself. Nick had been right though, jeans and t-shirt would have done. Dancing with my high heel shoes in the sand didn't work very well, and so I took them off sometime during the first act and stored them with my bag with the band's stuff. 
Their latest song comes to an end. The stage goes dark and instruments are being moved around. I decide this is a good time to get myself a water. Half of the crowd must have thought the same. I line up in the que but before making it to the front I hear my cousins voice through the PA system.
"Today, we have a very special guest here. A wonderful women who is very close to my heart." Some of the female guests start murmuring and looking around, probably thinking Nick has a new love interest. "This beautiful person is a new mum. Tonight is her first night out without her little one and it's her birthday tomorrow. Happy birthday beautiful." Nick lifts the mic as if it was a champagne glass and cheers into the darkness in front of him. "We all hope you're enjoying the show." The light is only on Nick but he moves his hand behind him, indicating that the boys are there.

"What can I get you?" I hadn't realised that I have reached the front of the line. For a brief moment I move my glance from Nick to the expectant waiter in front of me. "Just a water please,"I say quickly, putting a five dollar note on the counter and pay my attention back to Nick.
"When we first started our band in High School, our music was a bit different to now and Alannah was part of our group." The circle of light on the stage moves from Nick to an empty space, occupied by only a cello and a chair.
The waiter puts a plastic cup with water in front of me. At the sight of the cello, nervousness creeps up on me. Where is this going? I gulp down the water and throw the empty cup in one of the bins while walking on wobbly feet back to the front. 
"Lani," my name booms over the system. "This is your old cello. We were hoping you'd play a song with us!"
He's not kidding. He must be. This can't happen. Tonight was meant to be a great night. He can't seriously ask me to play with them. I'm not even wearing shoes. Every imaginable excuse runs through my head. It's been ages since I've last played. This is ridiculous. My eyes move from the cello to Nick and I shake my head no, but he wouldn't be able to see me. "Lani! Come on up!"

Against every fibre of my being my feet carry me to the front, through security up the stairs to the stage. The rest is a blur. Nick introduces me and I don't register if people cheer, booh or remain silent. I try to remember. Which song could I possibly play? I'm blank. Then I find myself on the chair, the light on me and only darkness ahead. Calmness settles, and then the first piano sounds fill the emptiness and everything comes back.