Dancing Through The Night

Chapter 26 - Alannah

I feel like a new person. Never had I thought that I'd actually fall asleep last night, and stay asleep. I am a bit ashamed that I let Doctor Leyton babysit Josie all night. He seems to be a bit of a helper, to me and to others. I trust him. That's out of the question. It's still weird. We're not friends. Or are we?

Energised as I am, I spend the day cleaning, tidying and playing with my baby girl. When she's asleep in the afternoon, I sit down with a decaf and work on my business plan for the first time since Josie was born. Cohen, Doctor Leyton, I just don't know what to call him, he asked me if I had considered a babysitter or nanny. Josie is too young, I told him. I don't think I could trust anyone either. But I could be around, just in a different room. I could, but then there's the cost. I go online to look up babysitter and mother's helper sites and get a shock. How can anyone not working afford that. Even if working, babysitters cost a near fortune. I guess on their end it's not a big income... Anyway. Babysitter is off the table. Maybe I should go to my parents for a while. It could be different now that Josie's born. I could get things done. Once I have an income again, I might be able to afford a babysitter once or twice a week. I decide to spend the free time I have on an action plan. A decision on wether or not to stay at my parents for a while can be made during my walk with Josie later.

I'm taking her down to the beach tonight. The tiredness is starting to close in on me, but the sea breeze and exercise is hopefully going to help us both fall asleep at the same time tonight. My pep talk hasn't reached every corner of my inconspicuous human being. Deep down I'm actually scared, suppressed panic is lingering, waiting to turn me into a shaking and teary frightened mouse. But I'm stronger than that. I can do this. Tonight, Josie and I will both sleep.

I hear Winston's bark before I see him and Cohen - ehm Doctor Leyton. The labrador's tail is wagging excitedly as he pulls Doctor Leyton toward us, wearing his friendly smile. I just hope it's genuine. He probably has enough of us.
"On your way to the beach, Alannah?"
"Doctor..." I mumble his surname, regretting that I even started formally addressing him. There was no need for me to bring up his name. I'm not good at hiding my embarrassment. My stutter I hear clearly as the waves washing ashore on silent evenings. The redness on my cheeks I can only imagine, given the heat radiating from my face.
"Cohen. I think we're past that. And I've never actually been your doctor." He's right. He's never been my doctor, but now that the professional boundary, which apparently never existed to begin with, has dissolved, where does that leave us? It's confusing. I need to catch myself. Conversation. That's where we were at. Luckily Josie saves my embarassing stretchy streak of silence by making excited hello sounds to Cohen, which are likely the equivalent to Winston's tail wagging. I shouldn't compare my daughter to a dog. Conversation! I remind myself again.
"Cohen. How was work today?" I retreat to small talk. Joining me walking towards the beach he tells me about his day at the hospital, about how he is preparing for a more difficult surgery planned for next week and how he is supervising a new anesthetist. At the beach we settle on a bench and Cohen let's Winston off the lead. Out of nowhere he starts laughing.
"What's so funny," I ask while nervously adjusting Josie's blanket, hoping she's going to stay up for at least another half hour. He shakes his head. "This patient today woke up and when he came off the drugs he asked if Santa had been there yet? He went on and on about what a good boy he's been. It was too funny. He was a grown man, beard, tattoos and all." I laugh with him.
I would have thought your job was quite monotone, administering drugs and making sure they're at the right level. But I guess you would see a lot of funny stuff when people come off the drugs.
"You have no idea." He looks at me from the side, the smile on his face gradually retreating into a straight line. "You look tired. How about we walk up to your place. You should go to bed." I want to interrupt him and tell him that Josie won't go to sleep just yet, but he just continues talking. "I'm going to take Winston for at least one or two hours and can take Josie with me. What do you think?"
What do I think about an hour of sleep? Hell yeah!

It's 10.30pm when I open my eyes. Cohen isn't back yet with Josie. I shouldn't have agreed to him taking her. After promising myself to rely less on Tessa, I'm not becoming dependent on Cohen. Just when I'm rummaging through my bag to retrieve my phone the front door opens and Cohen let's himself in, stroller with sleeping baby in his arms. He puts down my daughter, moving his index finger to his lips. "Pssst," he hushes as he pushes her through the hallway into the lounge room.
"Did you get some sleep?" He sounds genuinely interested, slowly stepping towards the sofa. He stops right behind it, leaning against it's back.
"I did. It's amazing what a difference sleep makes. Or no sleep."
"I know, right?" The way he says those three words indicate that there's a story. "My sister was a zombie after she had her boy and didn't get sleep. Not that you're a zombie. You're tired, that's all." He stutters a few more sentences while I try hard to supress a laugh, until he decides to give up on an explanation. Wise idea in my opinion.
I should offer him a drink or something. Or to sit. It's late and he probably needs to work tomorrow and is also in need of sleep, but it's the polite thing to do. "Would you like a tea?" I'm still tired and should go to sleep while Josie is, but I'd also like the company. Cohen looks at me for a while as if trying to read my mind. "Not tonight. Thanks. I have an early shift tomorrow and you should go back to bed, too. How about I come by around six tomorrow evening and take Josie for a walk again?"
For a moment I think I haven't heard him correctly. He offers to take Josie again. Why would he? I just hope he doesn't feel obliged to take her.