Dancing Through The Night

Chapter 28 - Alannah

The embarrassment sits deep in my chest. Even when focussing on anything but this evening, disturbing Cohen's party, the hollow feeling just won't go away. I lay in bed, staring at the ceiling. I close my eyes, thinking about Nick's upcoming visit tomorrow. It's been nearly a year that I have last seen my cousin. We used to be so close growing up. The happier I am now that he has decided to stay at my place and not in a hotel with the rest of his band. A smile crosses my face as I think back to our teenage years when I was still hanging out with them. I played the cello with them in school band, and in their first garage band. The boys quickly developed a modern rock style. I didn't fit in there. Neither my personality nor my cello, so I quit. My dream was to be a lawyer, not a rock star. People who know me today probably can't imagine me playing in a band. But I guess a lot of people have hidden pasts and talents. None of the people here would probably imagine that I used to compete in show jumping, acrobatics and won a few swimming races at state level. None of that matters now. I don't do any of these activities anymore. What I do do is getting up for Josie and tend to her cries, like now.

Sitting in the chair next to her crib, I stroke over her back, hoping she'll fall asleep soon. I quietly sing a lullaby for her. My mind wanders back to this evening, wondering what Cohen's agenda is? I'm his social case, that's what his friend told one of those girls. I'm certain I wasn't supposed to hear that. I wish I hadn't. He is probably right though. Which man would spend his every waking hour looking after someone else's baby. He is a doctor, he volunteers with the surf life saving club, he looks after his nephew so his sister has time off, he takes Josie so I have time off. Social work. I am just another social project. Tonight, he obviously wanted an evening off, be a guy having a party with friends, and there I am, messing up that plan. I will keep my distance from him and stay away from the beach area he lives in. Nick's visit, that's what I'll focus on. Tomorrow he'll get here and he'll stay two days. When Nick is around, it's always fun. I can't wait until tomorrow. And of course watching his show. The boys already have a solid fan base. I have no doubt they will make it big one day. Tessa will watch Josie tomorrow night. It's her birthday present to me.

Rubbing my eyes I look at the clock. It's past five, I am awake and Josie isn't. Cohen suggested I start putting her to sleep in her crib. It apparently worked with his nephew at this age. I can't believe it worked on Josie. She has been sleeping for nearly five hours now. Cohen. Memories of last night rush back mixed with snippets of my dream, the hollow feeling in my chest replaced with something else. It's like the hollowness is being squeezed tightly together, pushed inside. Confusion. The dream gradually comes back to me.

I was sitting on a stool on Cohen's deck, playing my old cello. It was the melody of that terribly sad piece I had to practice over and over for one of my exams. The horizon was painted in the colours of the sunset although it felt much later in the evening. Behind me was the Jacuzzi with Cohen in it, surrounded by bubbles. He stared at my back, listening to my sad song. Out of nowhere Harry appeared, wearing nothing but boxer shorts and steps in the hot tub beside Cohen. Cohen handed him a breakfast mug. They clicked the mugs, drank and talked. I made many mistakes playing the song, tears streaming down my face while the men behind me didn't seem to notice. Cohen filled up the mugs from a dark bottle. I have no idea what they were drinking. The cello piece ended so I started again, still making mistakes. From inside the house Eddie stepped onto the verandah, while a well-built guy in swimmers, his sun-bleached locks spilling out underneath the swim cap, walked up the outside stairs to the deck. Simultaneously they stepped into the tub, took a mug off Cohen and drank. I played the song faster, made more and more mistakes, the tears now being accompanied by sobs. I turned around to see that the men had Josie in the tub, handing her from one to the other. That's when I woke up. It was a messed up dream. Cohen in his Jacuzzi makes sense. But why did I mix Harry in there? And then Eddie? Is my subconscions telling me something? We dated for nearly two years back in High School and yes, I will see him and most likely talk to him at the concert. Being the bands guitarist I won't be able to avoid him. But I've seen him a few times since our High School romance. We're fine. There's no unfinished business. And then the forth guy. He was the guy I made out with last year... Josie cries. It's nearly 5.30am. My girl is a champion. Trying to put the strange dream in some empty mental drawer I head to my daughter. No man is going to hand her around. She is mine.

Nick is early. Nick is never early. He's always the last to arrive anywhere. The house is still a mess and I haven't even changed or showered but I'm thrilled to see my cousin. I hadn't noticed just how much I craved a hug until Nick embraces me tightly. He wears your boy from next door jeans and a plain t-shirt, not one of his crazy rocker outfits. His mother would be pleased if she saw him. Bizarre how both our mum's are still so concerned with our lifes and appearances. I hope I won't end up like that with Josie.
"Let me look at you, mummy!" Nick inspects me from top to bottom. He's seen me in worse condition, so I'm not too concerned about my disheveled look. "My mum warned me that you'll be tired but you look good girl." Sure I do.
"Five hours of beauty sleep," I tease, running my hand through my morning hair to make a show of it. Even if I don't like to I guess I also have Cohen to thank for giving me extra hours of sleep each week. Extra hours of sleep from the anaesthesist, I chuckle inwardly at that thought.
"You're here early," I state the obvious. "Let's have some breakfast."

Nick helps me set the table and no sooner do I press the button to the hot water cattle, does my phone ping with an incoming text. "From your mum." I hold up the unread message in Nick's direction, who's lying on the floor with Josie on her playmat.

Good morning Alannah. Has Nicholas arrived yet? Please ask him to call me as soon as he does. I hope you and your little angel are well.
Love, Aunt Margaret

"Sounds urgent. It's not even 7."

"No, nothing urgent," Nick replies with an annoyed brow raise. She's calling non-stop. Here." He takes his phone from his pocket to show me, "three missed calls since 6am, eight calls yesterday, six the day before."

"What does she want?"
"Checking that I'm fine? Checking if I'm ready to settle down? Checking if I'm going to make her a grandma so she can keep up with your mum?"
"What? That's rubbish." Funny, how those two sisters compete with each other. My mum always tells me how successful Nick is, how he's traveling the world. I guess in some way I have my own achievements. As if reading my thoughts Nick adds archly, "Don't get the wrong idea. You should be married. You know that, right?" He pulls me into a hug, silently telling me that he knows that it hasn't been easy.

"Breakfast!" Time for a topic change. While cooing over Josie, Nick nods without leaving his eyes off her. "I'm starving."
"Coffee?"
"Absolutely. Do you still have real coffee around or just that blurry instant decaf stuff?"
Yes, I have real coffee around and set on brewing a can. Knowing my cousin, I'm sure he'll finish it by himself.
"Do you mind if I take a quick shower?"
I may as well take advantage of Nick's presence and use the time it takes for the coffee to run through the filter for some self-care.